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Old 04-23-2009, 11:32 AM
 
5 posts, read 97,730 times
Reputation: 35

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My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.

Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.

He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.

What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!

Last edited by 7th generation; 04-23-2009 at 05:12 PM.. Reason: moved from Maryland forum

 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:21 PM
 
5 posts, read 97,730 times
Reputation: 35
Default How to get rid of a husband that won't leave!

My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.

Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.

He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.

What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:21 PM
 
269 posts, read 963,383 times
Reputation: 67
Consult a divorce attorney and file for legal separation. I know of people still living in the same house that were separated, not sure the laws on it but that's the first thing you have to do.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:22 PM
Itz
 
692 posts, read 1,109,662 times
Reputation: 815
Say... "LEAVE NOW"
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:24 PM
 
269 posts, read 963,383 times
Reputation: 67
or you could always have your parents evict him...it is their house. you could also cut things off like the cable, don't buy any groceries, make it very uncomfortable for him to be there so he will want to leave! i guess that won't work if you have kids but a good thought!
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,063 posts, read 11,606,215 times
Reputation: 3541
Wow, that truly stinks and I don't blame you one bit for wanting him gone! I think you really need to get legal advice on this. I'm guessing maybe you can have him removed for trespassing or evicted if you can show somehow that you need him to leave and you're getting divorced.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:33 PM
 
5 posts, read 97,730 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by fjennell View Post
or you could always have your parents evict him...it is their house. you could also cut things off like the cable, don't buy any groceries, make it very uncomfortable for him to be there so he will want to leave! i guess that won't work if you have kids but a good thought!
Funny you mention cable, as that's the bill that he reminds me about the most. Wouldn't want the ESPN or MASN cut off - then what would he do all day!

Unfortunately, in Maryland yo have to be seperated - not living under the same roof for one year before divorce. He really would be homeless, living in a car that's in my name, that I pay ridiculous insurance rates on because of his driving record. Did I mention he got a DUI in our DRIVEWAY last month?
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Cumberland
3,151 posts, read 4,416,804 times
Reputation: 1333
I am NOT a lawyer, but I believe you are not separated if you are living together. A no fault divorce in Maryland requires a 12 month separation period, which means no co-habiting. Consult a lawyer to see if there is a way around that.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: York, PA
2,332 posts, read 3,292,778 times
Reputation: 2036
Steph, I could tell you a million and one things to do. As mentioned by teatime, I would also HIGHLY suggest you consult a lawyer asap, preferably one who specializes in domestic issues. From there, he or she can advise you as to what course of action to take.

While you cannot "fix" your husband, you may want to consider steering him towards substance abuse counseling, especially for the sake of your children. At this point, the protection and welfare of your children is paramount. Good luck.
 
Old 04-23-2009, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
11,419 posts, read 11,371,752 times
Reputation: 11656
boy did you get hoodwinked. Have you asked him to leave? File for divorce and if he wont leave have your parents evict him.
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