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Old 04-23-2009, 11:27 AM
 
97 posts, read 346,537 times
Reputation: 96

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I'm looking for some advice. I've been out of college for a few years (turning 25 this summer) and it's easy to notice that meeting women is far more difficult. I'm not the type of guy that likes bars or clubs, and I don't want to go to church for the wrong reasons. I'm not shy, but I'm not terribly outgoing either. I hang out with friends as much as possible, so any connections they have should be available but that is really quite dry.

It seems like women the same age have plenty of guys to choose from, but there are fewer women to choose from for the single guys. I've thought about activities that I can meet women at, but everything I'm interested in is dude-centric (automotive, motorcycle related etc...).

What are some things I can try doing without being someone I'm not? Also, for someone who doesn't want the stigma of a "pickup artist douchebag", how do you approach an attractive female when you are out?

Thanks!
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Old 04-23-2009, 11:54 AM
 
1,961 posts, read 3,757,354 times
Reputation: 2762
The only thing I can tell you if you want to try things without being someone your not:

Participate in activities that you like doing. You can get all the advice you want about volunteering, or participating in certain activities, but if you are only doing those things with the hopes of meeting someone, it won't work, because it is not sincere.

I would tell you to continue to participate in the activities you like, because eventually if you keep participating in these activities and groups that are related to these activities, you will run into people who know a woman who may be a good fit. And its not out of the realm of possibilities that a woman who shares your interest would join these groups too. And even if these woman are attached, there is a good chance they know other single women who also enjoy these activities.
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Old 04-23-2009, 11:58 AM
 
Location: NYC
103 posts, read 357,596 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Accel Junky View Post
It seems like women the same age have plenty of guys to choose from, but there are fewer women to choose from for the single guys. I've thought about activities that I can meet women at, but everything I'm interested in is dude-centric (automotive, motorcycle related etc...).

What are some things I can try doing without being someone I'm not? Also, for someone who doesn't want the stigma of a "pickup artist douchebag", how do you approach an attractive female when you are out?

Thanks!
Sorry to disabuse you but women in their 20s certainly do not have it any easier. You could go to Barnes & Nobles and browse through the "dude-centric" sections while checking out women.

I understand you don't want to be something you're not, but there are a good number of women who take recreational classes and there are not enough men in them (dancing, cooking, baking, wine and/or food tastings, etc.). Of course you could also go the online dating sites route.

As to not coming off as a douchebag I think it's about what you wear and how you carry yourself. Don't be intimidating and don't leer. Start with harmless small talk like you would with a new acquaintance.

Good luck!
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Old 04-23-2009, 12:09 PM
 
22,769 posts, read 26,198,481 times
Reputation: 14558
Quote:
Originally Posted by Accel Junky View Post
I'm looking for some advice. I've been out of college for a few years (turning 25 this summer) and it's easy to notice that meeting women is far more difficult. I'm not the type of guy that likes bars or clubs, and I don't want to go to church for the wrong reasons. I'm not shy, but I'm not terribly outgoing either. I hang out with friends as much as possible, so any connections they have should be available but that is really quite dry.
I'm about your age - mutual acquaintances have always produced the best results for me.. even living in a new town where I barely know anybody. I would recommend that you try to expand your social circle, males and females, and your opportunities for meeting a love interest will expand along with your social circle.

I have been given the same advice about church. I'm like you, I would have to "fake it", I'm not going to do that.

Someone recommended online dating.. For certain demographics it probably works, but IMO for a 25 year old male it is a confidence-killing waste of time.

Quote:
It seems like women the same age have plenty of guys to choose from, but there are fewer women to choose from for the single guys.
I haven't noticed this.

I have noticed that the single ones tend to travel in packs, and frequent the same places all at the same time. Safety in numbers, I think.

Quote:
I've thought about activities that I can meet women at, but everything I'm interested in is dude-centric (automotive, motorcycle related etc...).

What are some things I can try doing without being someone I'm not?
Good live music tends to draw the sort of folks I get along with.. I don't know about you.

Quote:
Also, for someone who doesn't want the stigma of a "pickup artist douchebag", how do you approach an attractive female when you are out?

Thanks!
Breaking the ice is the challenge, and it depends upon the situation you find yourselves in - there is no magic button to press. I have buddies who approach this like an art form. After that it is all downhill.. just flirt and ask questions.

Last edited by le roi; 04-23-2009 at 12:25 PM..
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Old 05-02-2009, 12:39 AM
 
Location: Greater Beantown, Mass.
586 posts, read 1,562,148 times
Reputation: 474
My advice: Don't go looking for THE one exclusively. Instead try to obtain interesting females (there are a lot of single women in their 30s as opposed to early and mid-20s) and have short-term relations with them - this way you will be satisfied physically and emotionally (temporarily). You can meet these types by attending yoga classes, book clubs, wine tastings, certain types of fitness classes/centers, tennis etc. Think of it like this - you would have to feign interest in these things anyway in order to interact with many women, so consider it more of a useful learning experience than fakery.

If you happen to also meet women in your desired age range, fine, but don't exclusively look for those types only, or you'll end up with nothing at all - which leads to a loss of confidence - which lowers your chances still.

I'm in my upper 20s and work in a field with very, very few women and I have to go out of my way to meet them as a result. But by engaging myself outside of work, in these sorts of activities, I can still obtain one or two ladies a month. This keeps me feeling confident, aggressive and having that man-in-charge attitude that more men need these days. People often use the tired refrain, "Don't look for him/her, it will just happen" Maybe for an attractive woman, but not the other way around. You have to take charge or nothing will happen, based on my experiences.

Last edited by darkone; 05-02-2009 at 12:53 AM..
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Old 05-02-2009, 01:15 AM
 
3,853 posts, read 11,662,108 times
Reputation: 2509
Try to find places to go to that are around a major college. There is a lot more places to go to that aren't considered bars or clubs. Anything where the main emphasis is meeting others or socializing.

Personally I would just find a good bar to go to. Maybe one where the main focus isn't drinking, maybe a restaurant style bar.

Quote:
People often use the tired refrain, "Don't look for him/her, it will just happen" Maybe for an attractive woman, but not the other way around. You have to take charge or nothing will happen, based on my experiences.
Yup, that is very true for a man. Also considering that women almost *NEVER* make first contact. The only thing a woman will do to attract a guy is to give signals. As a result, a man should really practice talking to chicks and initiating contact. All you really have to do is chat for like five minutes then give her your phone number/facebook etc. Rinse and repeat, it really is that easy.
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Old 05-02-2009, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Virginia
931 posts, read 3,468,336 times
Reputation: 447
I know what you mean man, I am in the same boat.

One of the reasons I want to go back to school.
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Old 05-02-2009, 07:23 PM
 
468 posts, read 1,074,476 times
Reputation: 199
"How to meet women?" ... -> make note of where ever you see women in town, keep going there more often, then start talking to them.


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Old 05-02-2009, 11:21 PM
 
3,853 posts, read 11,662,108 times
Reputation: 2509
Quote:
Originally Posted by oleo View Post
I know what you mean man, I am in the same boat.

One of the reasons I want to go back to school.
You don't have to go to school, simply go to the places where lots of college aged people go to. Most young women in college these days are in party mode. Gotta take advantage of that.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:03 PM
 
97 posts, read 346,537 times
Reputation: 96
All good advice, thank you! It really looks like I need to come out of my shell a lot to succeed. I need to build confidence too. I'm not necessarily unattractive, I just don't take care of my appearance that well Hopefully starting a workout routine will give me a little more confidence to make eye contact.
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