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Yep, that's what I had been thinking, too. I noticed in the original thread that he didn't IMMEDIATELY say he was nudgy about workplace romances. It came up a day or two later. I think he was using it as an excuse.
Honestly, if some guy was leaving me "secret admirer" notes, I'd be rather creeped out. I'd wonder if someone was playing a joke, why an "admirer" couldn't simply talk to me in a normal fashion, and why the "admirer" felt the need to "hide."
To me, it's a controlling, one-sided thing. This anonymous person is running the show and not allowing a response until he or she decided to do a reveal! Far from finding it flattering, it would be annoying for many people.
Definitely as a man if I sent little notes to a woman at work I'm guessing most of them would be creeped out a bit. That would be my guess.
I say save all the note stuff for a committed partner or if you are in high school.
Trying to attract someone that way, especially doing it at work isn't cool. Imagine if it put the guys nose out of joint and for his safety he turned the notes over to a supervisor! Who wants to get hauled infront of their supervisor to explain love notes.
I learned when I was 15 and in the tenth grade never to put anything on paper. I wrote this one girl a nice note and man she waved that thing around like a flag. I can't even remember what I wrote now, just that whatever it was it was embarrassing.
I hope the OP understands we are not ragging on her just trying to open her eyes to the potential negative consequences and also that work is for work and it's not "General Hospital".
Im a single 30yr old mother. I have a good job, nice home and car. Ive been single for 4 years now, I have always been in long term relationships and so desire to one day be proud to say that I am such and such wife. I consider myself average looking and I dress nice....ok here is the problem. There is a single man at my job who is as sweet and nice as I am and also has a witty personality....major pts!!! I left him secret admirer notes over time and finally revealed myself...all he said over and over was "I can not believe that you are feeling me.I had no idea"..he smiled, he hugged me and he smiled. he then keep smiling and I said whats the verdict a number or something, he said oh yeah and proceeded to give me his number..I give him a call and left a msg. the next day at work he said he hadnt gotten the msg. He then asked me again...are you serious? I didnt think that you would be into me like that...he then stated that he never dated anyone that he has worked with, I stated neither has I...and thats where it ended no phone call, just a casual hello...
Shocked at the bolded! How bold of you!
Rejection sucks. You'll get over it. Give it time. He's not the last man in the world. You'll meet a good man. Hopefully one who'll pursue you & shower you with attention so much that you won't have to be leaving high school pranks like "secret admirer notes".
Well, he has not rejected you, you should contact him outside of work. The way US sexual harassment laws are, a guy can't really respond much to a female co-worker, or at least he won't respond much while at work if he has any sense.
Second, yeah, most guys with a brain are reluctant to date a co-worker.
Third, this guy may or may not eventually want to get into a serious relationship with a single mother (of how many? ages? and most importantly, do they behave well, well-adjusted?)
You'll need to contact him outside of work and see if you can develop anything with this guy.
I think the guy is just not interested. By not calling, he has rejected her period. Let the woman move on without seeming desparate. She has left him notes, should she leave him a diamond ring before he shows interest?
So... someone in the friend zone can never be considered for an FWB? I'd say that it was very possible unless the guy was a total loser dweeb.
Suggesting she tone down her romantic lovestruck approach is to show this guy (who knows he is clearly NOT in her friend zone by those lovenotes) that she is a sane, mature adult that isn't going to go all psycho and become a mental case on him should their romance not work out. She has to present herself as a sane person who can be trusted not to get all emotional in a bad way on him if he decides after a few dates or longer that she is not girlfriend material for him.
Workplace romances are really a bad idea. First there's all the whispering and gossip from ones co-workers. Secondly, many companies have bans against that sort of behaviour and they know it lessens workplace productivity for everyone involved plus the gossipmongers plus the potential for favoritism and making other illogical work decisions. Then, there's all the potential bad fallout once the couple breaks up. Most people after a breakup never want to see their s/o ever again. With a workplace romance, at the very minimum, there is the chance or seeing the ex every day, possibly even having to work directly with them. Also the potential for greater heartache when one sees the ex flirting with their next love interest. If the O.P. is into love notes, one can only imagine how emotional she is during a breakup.
In this case, the O.P. has passed around secret love notes to this guy. First, she's done it on company time. Maybe she only wrote and hid these notes during her legitimate break times, but somehow I suspect not. And then while she is working she was thinking about this guy AND what to write in the next note, where to hide it, and wondering what his reaction is going to be... well hell, she's a NURSE! Valuable attention that could be directed towards the patients and listening to other medical personnel is being siphoned off to indulging her raging hormones! Her boss doesn't care about her love life, but they darn well care very much about the quality of their patients' care and trying hard to avoid malpractice suits. Her behaviour is unwise, unprofessional and has been out of control. There is no way that he is the ONLY nice guy in her city or town to date. She needs to find someone else to have a crush on.
I think this is a lil too harsh. If the OP can have 3kids to take care of & they dont interfere with her job, why should a lil cush?
I doubt OP is slipping notes on his desk when she is supposed to be delivering babies!
Definitely as a man if I sent little notes to a woman at work I'm guessing most of them would be creeped out a bit. That would be my guess.
I say save all the note stuff for a committed partner or if you are in high school.
Trying to attract someone that way, especially doing it at work isn't cool. Imagine if it put the guys nose out of joint and for his safety he turned the notes over to a supervisor! Who wants to get hauled infront of their supervisor to explain love notes.
I learned when I was 15 and in the tenth grade never to put anything on paper. I wrote this one girl a nice note and man she waved that thing around like a flag. I can't even remember what I wrote now, just that whatever it was it was embarrassing.
I hope the OP understands we are not ragging on her just trying to open her eyes to the potential negative consequences and also that work is for work and it's not "General Hospital".
I had a guy do this. Everyday he'd leave a little drawing under my calendar. I thought it was romantic.
I bet if you didn't fancy him you'd find it creepy.
Even though it might work for some people the negative potential outweighs the positive for the reasons I listed above.
I would be curious, but I wouldn't automatically find it creepy. If the person leaving the notes turned out to be someone I'm not interested in, I'd let them down gently.
Im a single 30yr old mother. I have a good job, nice home and car. Ive been single for 4 years now, I have always been in long term relationships and so desire to one day be proud to say that I am such and such wife. I consider myself average looking and I dress nice....ok here is the problem. There is a single man at my job who is as sweet and nice as I am and also has a witty personality....major pts!!! I left him secret admirer notes over time and finally revealed myself...all he said over and over was "I can not believe that you are feeling me.I had no idea"..he smiled, he hugged me and he smiled. he then keep smiling and I said whats the verdict a number or something, he said oh yeah and proceeded to give me his number..I give him a call and left a msg. the next day at work he said he hadnt gotten the msg. He then asked me again...are you serious? I didnt think that you would be into me like that...he then stated that he never dated anyone that he has worked with, I stated neither has I...and thats where it ended no phone call, just a casual hello...
Hi i want to thank everyone for all the feedback and advice...to date we have gone back to our witty back and forth conversations....he never came out to tell me that he wasnt interested and I never brought it back up. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel akward and avoid me at work. I just say if its meant to be it will be. The only problem I had with this situation was he should have came straight out and told me that he wasnt interested...his avoidance about the situation upsets me more than his truth would have by far. Im the type of person that likes to be told the truth instead of covering it up..My favorite quote is "Tell me the truth now for a lil heartache, versus saving my feelings later for a lot of heartache"
Hi i want to thank everyone for all the feedback and advice...to date we have gone back to our witty back and forth conversations....he never came out to tell me that he wasnt interested and I never brought it back up. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel akward and avoid me at work. I just say if its meant to be it will be. The only problem I had with this situation was he should have came straight out and told me that he wasnt interested...his avoidance about the situation upsets me more than his truth would have by far. Im the type of person that likes to be told the truth instead of covering it up..My favorite quote is "Tell me the truth now for a lil heartache, versus saving my feelings later for a lot of heartache"
Maybe he needs more time to decide where he would like the friendship to go? Some people don't like to rush into a romantic relationship. Plus he already knows that you have a crush on him, so until he figures out his true feelings for you, he doesn't want to lead you on. For him, it's even too early to tell you that he doesn't see a romantic future with you. He just doesn't know yet. Plus you have said that he is a nice decent man, so while he knows that he could take advantage of your crush and possibly play you and break your heart, he is choosing to respect you and to only move forward if and when his intentions turn romantic in an honorable way.
I'd say that with two of my past relationships, as we started to date, while they liked me a lot, they didn't love me until later on. Meanwhile, I crushed on them in the beginning of the relationship, and a few years later, I lost the infatuation feelings for them.
Hi i want to thank everyone for all the feedback and advice...to date we have gone back to our witty back and forth conversations....he never came out to tell me that he wasnt interested and I never brought it back up. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel akward and avoid me at work. I just say if its meant to be it will be. The only problem I had with this situation was he should have came straight out and told me that he wasnt interested...his avoidance about the situation upsets me more than his truth would have by far. Im the type of person that likes to be told the truth instead of covering it up..My favorite quote is "Tell me the truth now for a lil heartache, versus saving my feelings later for a lot of heartache"
A lot of people want the "truth" but I find most people avoid the issue through a variety of means to avoid confrontation. It's like when someone tells you they just want to be friends. We all REALLY know what it means.
I think often people focus too much on what people say and not on their ACTIONS. You gotta look at the whole picture and open yer eyes a bit.
Also a lot of people don't like to be forced or put on the spot. It's almost like someone pointing you in the chest saying "do you like me, huh, huh, huh, I wanna know and I wanna know now!". People of both sexes don't like to be cornered like that. As an example, the guy above I don't think owes the OP an explanation for whether he likes her or not. Coco seems to think the guy does owe her, but he doesn't.
And last what is interesting to me about the above comments from the OP is that it is a perfect example of why not to mix sex with work. The relationship never happened and yet Coco is already wound up over why he didn't throw himself at her. Now you've got all these feelings happening and hey we've got work to do here!
And finally before I shut my yap, one needs to learn the difference between "witty banter" and flirting.
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I'd say that it was very possible unless the guy was a total loser dweeb.
