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Old 04-23-2009, 02:52 PM
 
105 posts, read 324,224 times
Reputation: 92

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Im a single 30yr old mother. I have a good job, nice home and car. Ive been single for 4 years now, I have always been in long term relationships and so desire to one day be proud to say that I am such and such wife. I consider myself average looking and I dress nice....ok here is the problem. There is a single man at my job who is as sweet and nice as I am and also has a witty personality....major pts!!! I left him secret admirer notes over time and finally revealed myself...all he said over and over was "I can not believe that you are feeling me.I had no idea"..he smiled, he hugged me and he smiled. he then keep smiling and I said whats the verdict a number or something, he said oh yeah and proceeded to give me his number..I give him a call and left a msg. the next day at work he said he hadnt gotten the msg. He then asked me again...are you serious? I didnt think that you would be into me like that...he then stated that he never dated anyone that he has worked with, I stated neither has I...and thats where it ended no phone call, just a casual hello...
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Old 04-23-2009, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,062 posts, read 15,866,907 times
Reputation: 3677
You left him "secret admirer" notes?! WHY?! That seems rather high schoolish. I don't mean to be mean but he was probably thinking WTH!
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Old 04-23-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Columbus, OH
857 posts, read 1,228,464 times
Reputation: 558
well you should take comfort in the fact that you had enough confidence to put it out there and ask the question. Its way better then spending all day wondering isn't it?? The only price is the possibility of rejection, which is never fun but I think you'll get over it. Also in this particular situation he may have been interested but seeing as you are co-workers he decided its not worth the risk to his job. Dating co-workers is usually a bad idea...
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Old 04-23-2009, 03:01 PM
 
9,816 posts, read 19,017,909 times
Reputation: 7537
Sounds like he isn't too keen on dating people at work and I sure as hell can't blame him.
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Old 04-23-2009, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
13,388 posts, read 42,713,043 times
Reputation: 11465
Well, he has not rejected you, you should contact him outside of work. The way US sexual harassment laws are, a guy can't really respond much to a female co-worker, or at least he won't respond much while at work if he has any sense.

Second, yeah, most guys with a brain are reluctant to date a co-worker.

Third, this guy may or may not eventually want to get into a serious relationship with a single mother (of how many? ages? and most importantly, do they behave well, well-adjusted?)

You'll need to contact him outside of work and see if you can develop anything with this guy.
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Old 04-23-2009, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,310,607 times
Reputation: 9335
Awww I think it was really sweet, the notes. Nothing high schoolish about it. Never forget how to be young. Those are always uplifting for people to get. But I feel for you about the lack of response. I have no good advice and I don't know how I'd handle it, myself but maybe just keep a friendly distance and let him make the next move? Maybe he needs to think about dating co-workers, I don't know. I hope it works out for you--or for the best, whatever that may be. I hope you update us if things change tho'.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:03 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,418,786 times
Reputation: 15197
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
Sounds like he isn't too keen on dating people at work and I sure as hell can't blame him.
That's my feeling also. What do you do for work? Can't you find a nice guy outside of work to date?
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:18 PM
 
9,816 posts, read 19,017,909 times
Reputation: 7537
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
Well, he has not rejected you, you should contact him outside of work. The way US sexual harassment laws are, a guy can't really respond much to a female co-worker, or at least he won't respond much while at work if he has any sense.

Second, yeah, most guys with a brain are reluctant to date a co-worker.

Third, this guy may or may not eventually want to get into a serious relationship with a single mother (of how many? ages? and most importantly, do they behave well, well-adjusted?)

You'll need to contact him outside of work and see if you can develop anything with this guy.
Yes the testicle smashing sexual harassment laws. The good ole unintended consequence of taking these laws so far and so politically correct is that as men we are loathe to make any kind of suggestion or move, out of getting it used against us. I've heard of so many horror stories over so many trivial things that as men it's best we stay asexual as possible in the workplace.

Pretty pathetic really how it has gotten, but that's the nanny state we live in today.

Also as discussed in another recent thread, it's just wise to keep your personal business separate from your work business. Reason being at a minimum is everyone knows your business. Second is reasons of jealousy on the part of others. Third of your personal business being discussed behind your back. Fourth that you enter into the realm of these sex harassment laws. Fifth that your work performance could be affected with those distractions.

I've had women get angry at me because I took someone else out instead of them. I've had bad break ups which then become gossip fodder. I've been harassed and stalked.

So I'm not fooling with it.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,488,660 times
Reputation: 18346
I thought the notes were a sweet touch. No guy would be upset about getting admirer notes. Maybe he just needs some time to take it all in. If he's not into you, don't sweat it, at least you tried. Sometimes the easiest way to get over a crush is to get it out there and let them know how you feel.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:42 PM
 
11,987 posts, read 10,680,497 times
Reputation: 9898
I'm with teatime on this one. The secret admirer notes are a little ... just kind of odd. I wouldn't necessarily reject a woman who did this, and on reflection I might find the whole thing endearing, but it would initially give me pause.

Something else to consider -- you say he's got a witty personality... you seem like a pretty creative person yourself, with the notes and all. Do you guys banter back and forth all day? Is your relationship fun and playful? Maybe you should consider taking him at his word. Maybe he really is confused and wonders if it's just a joke... that's definitely a possibility I'd entertain if a woman I bantered with left me some secret admirer notes at my age (early 30s).

If he goes for this though, my money is on you two having a pretty fun (if a little quirky?) relationship.
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