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Old 04-25-2009, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Seattle metro, WA, US
300 posts, read 484,061 times
Reputation: 210

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Not everyone wants sex out of a relationship. There are many other reasons to be married besides sex. If it were for sex alone, I wouldn't be married. I'd play the field
To me, sex is an integral, intrinsic part of a marital connection, you can't pry it apart from any other part of the said. But "platonic" with a "husband"? These two words shouldn't be in a same sentence!
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Old 04-25-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,678,529 times
Reputation: 3630
When the relationship has been damaged, the couple has to start over. You can't pick and choose which parts you start from. If the relationship is going to have a chance, it has to go back to the beginning.
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Old 04-25-2009, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,043,685 times
Reputation: 9109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

I'm curious because some here have posted they wouldn't date someone for three weeks if the didn't have sex with them and it looks like we're in for several months IF we make it.
Wow. I dated my former husband of 19 years for 6 weeks straight before it became remotely physical. I like to get to know someone first--to see if they're someone I want to even have a physical relationship with. That can take time. And it's a good weed'em out tool. But, I digress.

Unfortunately, I do think it's true, what the counselor said. Every time my ex and I tried to patch things up while estranged, we let sex get in the way and it prolonged the decision making and growing process.
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Old 04-25-2009, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,043,685 times
Reputation: 9109
Quote:
Originally Posted by zaicheg View Post
To me, sex is an integral, intrinsic part of a marital connection, you can't pry it apart from any other part of the said. But "platonic" with a "husband"? These two words shouldn't be in a same sentence!
They can be if you're estranged. It's a good way to find out what one or the other is hanging on for, too.
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Old 04-25-2009, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,920 posts, read 9,171,425 times
Reputation: 9006
I've heard of that idea for decades. It's nothing new and not unusual. From a personal standpoint, I'm not sure how long I'd do the platonic thing; several months seems like a long time. My ex and I were in a platonic relationship for years and it didn't bring us any closer.
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Old 04-25-2009, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,304 posts, read 17,053,510 times
Reputation: 11746
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
I've heard of that idea for decades. It's nothing new and not unusual. From a personal standpoint, I'm not sure how long I'd do the platonic thing; several months seems like a long time. My ex and I were in a platonic relationship for years and it didn't bring us any closer.
I think the point is to remove the emotions surrounding sex so you can see clearly what is really going on.

If I'd listened to this counselor in the beginning, I might not be in the pickle I'm in. He was against my husband moving back in or sex in our relationship at the time. I was too worried about getting the kids out of limbo. With them spending half their time with their father and half their time with me, it seemed, somehow, wrong to hire a sitter and go out together.
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Old 04-25-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,678,529 times
Reputation: 3630
You'll do it right this time. It sounds like you've learned from your mistakes. You may have a good chance of survival.
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Old 04-26-2009, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Under a bridge.
3,196 posts, read 3,382,439 times
Reputation: 959
Good luck to you. Sometimes counselors help. The help more frequently than not. Just try to enjoy each other--and see if that old spark can still be nurtured into a flame.
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Old 04-26-2009, 11:48 AM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
1,667 posts, read 2,027,830 times
Reputation: 946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm just curious as to what you guys think about the advice the counselor is giving my husband and myself (back in counseling and, I guess, dating for the moment - he does not want a divorce).

The counselors advice is that our relationship be platonic for now. He says that sex can really mess things up when you're trying to work through emotional issues. What do you think of the counselor's advice?

I'm curious because some here have posted they wouldn't date someone for three weeks if the didn't have sex with them and it looks like we're in for several months IF we make it.
your counselor is on-target with what he/she said & advised
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Old 04-26-2009, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,304 posts, read 17,053,510 times
Reputation: 11746
Quote:
Originally Posted by zaicheg View Post
To me, sex is an integral, intrinsic part of a marital connection, you can't pry it apart from any other part of the said. But "platonic" with a "husband"? These two words shouldn't be in a same sentence!
Even the bible allows for a time of abstinence. Not being able to pry sex apart from the marital connection would be the problem being addressed here.
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