Older men - Younger women (wife, separate, ugly, divorce)

[FedUpInFtMyers]

QUOTE=vpcats;
I've never "looked" for younger men but it seems it just happens that way with me and now, I've been with my current "husband" for five years and I am 12 years older than he is, but he's much older than I am character wise.
[/quote]

vpcats - you and I are in the same boat, with the exception that my fiance is the one with the aches and pains for whatever reason. I cannot imagine him when he is in his 70s much less 10 years from now. I myself would have NEVER gone out with or even thought about anyone younger; however, it has worked for us for five years now, and we can see ourselves married once we get our living situation squared away (other thread topics ! ha ha). His parents have been absolute jerks about it. Even though I have a long positive history with his aunt, uncle, and cousins who I knew through my work for several years, the ENTIRE FAMILY treated me like I was some kind of pedophile, still do not respect or acknowledge our relationship, and his parents have completely shunned him for at least four years now. I don't look my age at all, and in fact, barely look legal, and take very good care of myself and am a good person, but none of this has mattered. We even moved out of a city we loved and were happy in to get away from the family's game-playing. It was absolutely miserable and still is, whenever I think about it. Fiance has just written them off after this and knows that it hurts me more than him because of being unfairly treated, slandered, and shunned by people that I previously enjoyed close friendships with. They said nothing bad about him because they blame me for all of it, citing that I am "controlling" him and have him "under my control" which is just stupid. I changed everything about my life to leave town with him after he demanded that we move to somewhere else to get away from the family's antics, and they even blame me for "moving him away from family". He is 26, for God's sake, not an adolescent, and has his own mind. When he attempted to correct the way they saw things, after they were gossiping and making accusations for the first year, they simply told him that they understand his "predicament", as "all young men have similar 'experiences' ", and then just let him know that they know that I am calling all the shots (when I wasn't), and they refused to hear anymore from him about it. They also turned my fiance's entire family against "us" and me. So, there it is. That is what I know on the subject.

[Wisteria]

I generally stick around my own age, or younger. Older is often difficult because I'm a product of the sixties, and sometimes older guys (unless closer to my age) tend to be too conservative.

I remember when I was 38 and I was in Colorado and dated this younger (15 years younger student). I guess being tiny is an advantage in some ways because he had, I guess, no clue I was that much older -- somehow I thought he knew by other things (we were in the same department at the university and my references to events), but when he found out, he flipped! He was truly in shock! That kind of ended that one..

But then I had another boyfriend in Seattle -- not very smart, unfortunately -- and was 10 years younger than me, and all his friends would hit on me. We had a great time because he lived on a boat and we did a lot of boating and fishing out in Puget Sound during the summer. Unfortunately, once winter came, he couldn't hold a conversation, and it was just waaaayyyy too boring! What a great summer on the ocean, though! We rocked that boat in the middle of the sea with gorgeous stars overhead! Oh, yes! And then it came to holding a conversation, and there was nothing to say -- oh, well, it was fun in the sun, though!

And then others were around the same age, and we could understand our social reference points, which is good to have.

Other than that, I think if there is compatibility in interests, sex, intelligence, and activities, it doesn't matter. Our souls and hearts connect longer than our bodies IMHO.

[Lauri_25ny]

My husband is 15 years older than me.

[sablebaby]

I'm 31 and my bf of 11 years is 43.

[msjbrent]

Originally Posted by sablebaby

I'm 31 and my bf of 11 years is 43.

I always found men in there early to mid forties very sexy, especially if they have some salt in there hair!

[cassy1]

I'm 5 years older than my husband, but it does not matter to us because we are truly "soul mates", I can finish a sentence for him, he knows what I am thinking. We have a wonderful life and I honestly can't imagine life without him. Still on the honeymoon!

[milliebfit]

My husband is 45 and I am 52..we have been married for almost 19 years, we have a 12 year old daughter. We were dating for about 4 months when I found out how old he was, I thought he was my age. I never asked.
We were talking and he said that he was only 2 when Kennedy got assassinated. I looked at him kind of funny and said "How old are you" !!?? He is a really great guy. Our age difference did not bother us at all.

[dukester2]

Let it be known that ALL men are not looking for relationships with younger women. I am 51 and easily communicate with all ages, and find beauty in all ages, but when it comes to having a steady relationship, I want to have someone who shares common thoughts and history that I do. I always say, "I want a woman that knows that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings". I have some very good female friends of all ages, but could never become close and intimate with anyone less than 10 years of my age, and actually prefer women my age or older.

[vpcats]

Yeah, I think the most important thing is to get along, to understand each other, to want to work towards same/similar goals with like philosophies, to listen and be a buddy.

It is funny when I talk to other guys around my age and all of a sudden there's this whole other "kind" of conversation but I'm not attracted just from being able to remember the same things.

I thought my current was actually older than me. He looks it. He's very white, blonde and blue eyes and has spent most of his life in the sun. Nobody really can tell that I'm a lot older. I found out how old he was when we started living together and were doing something or other. He had to show me his driver's license because I wouldn't believe him. He thought I was younger and almost dropped when he saw my license!

I don't think I would mind someone my age, give or take (I'm 55 now) but they have to love life and be young at heart.

Oh well.... too late. :-))

[mainebrokerman]

vp, its never too late, meaning, yes, we could prefer something different ,,,but we also shouldnt allow ourselves to be defined by the lowest common denominator, and we all do it,,, we should take in the positives that come to us, and the positives we give, and let the negatives, bounce away from us.
one thing we all admire about kids,,,is they can have a gloomy outlook one minute, and 5 minutes later,,,the world is fine and they are happy,, they adapt quicker to stimuli than adults do,,,,,adults may wake up,,,,,in a bad mood or feeling, and it clouds the whole day,,,,they wont allow themselves to feel better,,,,or one issue,,,will gnaw at them the entire day,,,,or, they allow others to define them,,,,,and they spend most of thier life pleasing folks that cant be pleased. we all have to realize the world is seen and felt thru our own eyes, no one elses, and perception is reality, we can choose everyday to let the sun shine in, or it be cloudy and gloomy,,

part of "the grass always look greener" is,,,the baggage isnt known,,it may still be there,,but beneath the surface,,,but we believe we may start from a "clean slate" thats why rebound relationships often dont work.

whats all this have to do with anything??? relationships are much more complicated than what meets the eye. men, in thier ego and short-sightedness, are attracted to younger woman, not only because they think they may be sexy, but because of thier false hopes, they will actually feel younger.
and after the intial "best behavior" of a new relationship, comes the settling in, and accepting phase, this is where the little quirks start to be irritating, etc, and we wont do "whatever it takes" to be with that person.
this is why, a big age difference, does matter, if its meaningful,
similar interests, a joining of families, compromising, time together, and reality of life sets in.(kids enter the picture)

now, say, against much odds, a new relationship, starts off just wonderful, and continues, you just cant wait to be with one another, and feelings are growing rapidly,,,knowing its just not lust...
what happens alot in this stage, all seems wonderful, ,,,but you are falling fast and hard,,and what happens?? you start second guessing, and feeling a bit scared and insecure, you hate it,,but you feel that way,,,this is because of being burnt by a past relationship....and even tho it ended, you may have loved that person,,well the feeling of love is surfacing again,,,,but it has attachments of old unhealed wounds,,,thats why you are gettin scared..
these are feelings of pain, hurt, guilt, shame, jealousy, (all brothers of fear)
that was never let go, or dealt with properly. this is not fair to either party!


a wise man will go thru stages, of friendship and trust, before given thier full heart, each partner must earn that trust along the way, to feel secure.
trust, and security are essential to any healthy relationship, and i do believe, most should look in thier own age range, for that compatability/interests.
the seeds of true love are planted with trust, security, playfulness, and being a giver.