Older men - Younger women (girlfriend, single, dance, kid)

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by mainebrokerman

The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still,
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

I remember that one but forgot who sang it. Nice words right?

[SandyCo]

Originally Posted by vpcats

This is absolutely EXCELLENT!!!!!!

I agree, Cosmic's post was excellent, and gives a lot of food for thought.

[Wisteria]

I've really got to get going.....*rustle, rustle, run a little* but I just HAD to check this before I got going.....now I'm here.

Okay, Cosmic, you are just too smart for this bunch here. I have to think too much!

Seriously, though, you bring up great points, which should be the logical choices people use -- but you see, put ME in a room with a short guy like
5' 6" and I think he's TALL!!! See, one great advantage of being short is EVERYONE is taller than me! Thus, I suspend all those criteria because I never look at the height!! NOW, it's clear how I've ended up with the men I've been with -- I should've looked at the HEIGHT first!!

By the way, thanks for adding me to your list!! I like the red, too.

I like my alone time, but like to socialize, too, but still like my time alone.....I am not good with clingers (broke up with one guy who wanted to be my magnet).

Oh, and I'm a nightowl. My mom was a nightowl and my dad an early bird -- it was a very strange combination! All of us kids got the nightowl gene, though. But I still have to go to work and get sleep!!

Well, folks, let's hear your answers, too -- maybe we'll have to have a cuddle party after all this!

Where is NAH?????

Night -- sweet dreams.

[Rance]

Ok...so I'm 46...and I have this bad crush on a very nice lady that is 25. Is that bad?

[dukester2]

Originally Posted by SandyCo

I agree, Cosmic's post was excellent, and gives a lot of food for thought.

I have to ditto all of the props to Cosmic...great read and insight!

I think another major reason for broken relationships ties to Billy Joels song,..."Don't go changing to try to please me, I love you just the way you are". I think too many times we try to change our partners after we become involved in the relationship. What is so weird about it is that we were attracted to them for a reason and why would we want them to change?
My last relationship dissolved because I am outgoing and love people...I have been accused of being flirtatious, but I really don't feel that I am. I befriend anyone that is pleasant, regardless of their outer skin. There is a HUGE difference in being nice to people and having romantic feelings for people and my lady never realized that. She told me that one of the things she found attractive in me was how social I am with people of all ilks and then after we developed, 'The Relationship', she got upset when I would hug a friend. I am guilty too though, because I found her personality was wonderful and she was very attractive. I found myself cringing when we went out and she showed a bit too much cleavage, or the jeans were a tad too tight. Before, 'The Relationship', I found that very attractive and after we were involved, I wanted her to change. Shame goes to me on that, and looking back on it I should have, 'loved her just the way she was'.

Oh well...whatever bubbles, bubbles up. Live and learn and keep trying to improve ones self, I guess.

[Wisteria]

Dukester2: My last relationship dissolved because I am outgoing and love people...I have been accused of being flirtatious, but I really don't feel that I am. I befriend anyone that is pleasant, regardless of their outer skin. There is a HUGE difference in being nice to people and having romantic feelings for people and my lady never realized that. She told me that one of the things she found attractive in me was how social I am with people of all ilks and then after we developed, 'The Relationship', she got upset when I would hug a friend. I am guilty too though, because I found her personality was wonderful and she was very attractive. I found myself cringing when we went out and she showed a bit too much cleavage, or the jeans were a tad too tight. Before, 'The Relationship', I found that very attractive and after we were involved, I wanted her to change. Shame goes to me on that, and looking back on it I should have, 'loved her just the way she was'.

I can relate to that. I was often a bit weirder than the other women, in that I just don't hold onto jealousy. I have no idea why, it's just how I am. So, guys would be all gung-ho that I wasn't the jealous type, but afterwards, they'd be like, "Why aren't you jealous??" Plus, I always had a lot of male friends (just friends), and they'd be getting jealous I had male friends. I never understood that. Actually, though, I often ended up with guys who also weren't the jealous type, and I prefer that. That doesn't mean someone goes running around and has all these indiscretions, it just means that we should be allowed to be friendly with people and have our partner recognize it's okay to like other people outside the relationship. I'm probably the kind of person who would drag her male friends along on the honeymoon!

[dukester2]

Originally Posted by Wisteria

I can relate to that. I was often a bit weirder than the other women, in that I just don't hold onto jealousy. I have no idea why, it's just how I am. So, guys would be all gung-ho that I wasn't the jealous type, but afterwards, they'd be like, "Why aren't you jealous??" Plus, I always had a lot of male friends (just friends), and they'd be getting jealous I had male friends. I never understood that. Actually, though, I often ended up with guys who also weren't the jealous type, and I prefer that. That doesn't mean someone goes running around and has all these indiscretions, it just means that we should be allowed to be friendly with people and have our partner recognize it's okay to like other people outside the relationship. I'm probably the kind of person who would drag her male friends along on the honeymoon!

Ahhh, 'Jealousy', the jolly green-eyed giant. Probably one of the biggest problems in relationships and one of the most senseless emotions. No amount of worry is going to change anything and if you don't have trust in your mate, maybe you should find someone you CAN trust.

I like your attitude and style, Wisteria, and the lady I am seeing now is very similar in the way you are. She realizes I have a lot of female friends that I have known much longer than her, and if I didn't date them before I met her, why would I want to now? They are FRIENDS, not lovers.

LOL..."I'm probably the kind of person who would drag her male friends along on the honeymoon!"...I have this image of you on your honeymoon in a suite. 4 guys on one side of the room playing cards at a table saying, "Hey, can you 2 hold it down over there? We're trying to play cards here, you know?"

[SandymonicaUSA]

After a twenty year marriage to a man close to my own age with whom I had two great kids, I married a man 28 years older than me who adored me. He was lots of fun to be with, very sophisticated, well-traveled, with two kids grown and on their own. We had eight great years together traveling to Europe, living in different interesting cities in the US, until he died suddenly of artherioschlerosis. Eventually, I tried finding happiness with guys closer to my own age but they all seemed to have so many problems with ex-wives, careers, kids (refusing to move out on their own), poor health, lack of sophistication, etc.
When a sweet handsome retired widower, 21 years older than me, made it clear he was interested, at first I resisted (I was seeing someone else at first), but his great sense of humor and persistence made me give him a chance. We have now been together for seven years. He is the sweetest man I have ever known. We were married at first, but his two unmarried adult daughters (just a few years younger than me) made it too difficult for us to safely blend our finances, so we just live together now. We have fun traveling, just "hanging out" (he is retired and I work from my home studio). My family loves him and he enjoys spending time with them. His daughters are still resentful that their dad isn't happy to just stay home with them and look at the old photo albums of good times with their mother who passed away after being ill for thirty years.
Lovemaking is great (without all the career problems that men my own age have, there are no little blue pills needed here).
I love the old saying ....
"It's better to be an Old Man's Darling than a Young Man's Fool."
Many women I know don't like the idea of dating or marrying older men...but they are the ones crying over their younger man's mistreatment of them.
I agree with some of the other posts here though, it takes a very special older man (MOST older men would NOT be men I would want to be with) ....but then the same can be said for men of ANY age.

[Rapture]

sandymonicausa, nice pic.

When I was younger I dated older guys because I was more mature for my age. As I got older I never felt like I have anything in common with someone much older or younger than me. With women it's different, I have friends of all ages but with men, if they are ten or more years older/younger we never seem to have anything in common.

Now my (single) friends and my mother are a different story. My girlfriends almost always date younger guys and my mothers husband is my age. I really don't get it but it's their life and whatever makes you happy.

[Wisteria]

Cosmic: I would look more at a formula like this:

1. Are you a morning or night person? Depending on the situation an area for much conflict.

2. Are you a people person or do you prefer to be more of a loner or independent person who needs much personal time during a day.

3. How do you make and use money? Within every relationship a prime source of conflict.

4. Does your habits, beliefs, methods, skills, education, intelligence level, maturity level, etc match well with your SO?

5. How tolerant are you?? A subset of that is how well do you share??

6. How much of a control freak are you???

7. What do you really value???

8. Do you have a set of pre-set standard rules???

9. How do you problem solve, are you a leader or follower??

10. What are your personal characteristics, strengths, weaknesses???

Okay, I'm game. How about the rest of you?? I'm sticking my neck out -- please don't chop it off!!

1: Nightowl or early bird: Nightowl here!! I wish I wasn't a nightowl because it seems that the rest of the world functions at a much earlier level. Nightowl behavior seems to be inherited from my mom, and all 4 of us sisters have the same habit -- my dad was a real early bird and we never understood him in that way. My daughter, also inherited the nightowl gene, as my ex was one, too. She even has been checking into colleges that have NIGHT classes because she feels she is more alert at night!! She does not want those 8 a.m. classes!

2: Independent loner-type, but likes to be in social situations when I choose to be. It has been a problem with men who wanted to always be there -- and would not respect my need to have my own space when I needed it. I remember one guy who would literally drive to my house and sit in front of it before I even got home from work! Oh, my gosh, that was too invasive! And he couldn't understand it, he kept saying: "I thought women wanted men to always be there." And then he even went to counseling for it and the counselor even told him to give me my space and that he was suffocating me! (true) I don't want a magnet, I want a friend/lover/companion who understands we are not joined at the hip! Freedom-loving Sagittarius!

3. Money. Oh dear, my big bugaboo. I have not been good at making money. Too many years of moving around and not staying in one place. I'm at a secure job now, and it's been hard to stay, but I've done it -- almost ten years now! A small pension will finally be attained! Then again, I am very good at budgeting, I'm not a spend-thrift, I find many cheap/free things to do that I enjoy, and I'm easily pleased with little things -- thus, my material needs are less than many women I know.

4. Since I don't have a Significant Other right now, I don't know. But ideally, I'd agree those are important features.

5. Tolerance/sharing. Hmmmmm, a little too tolerant in some ways because it's gotten me in some bad fixes. Now I have learned to be more critical of things, but I think I'm pretty good at sharing. It depends on the person -- with some people I am not very tolerant about certain aspects -- such as if someone uses really bad grammar, I cringe and can be like HIF (! ) and correct them! I can't help it, it's something that just gets to me. I'm not good with stingy people because I find that very unappealing, and I'm not materialistic anyway, so if they're stingy by my definitions, they're stingy! Tolerance is subjective depending on the situation. If I blend well with someone, it might be said I am very tolerant, if I don't, I might be considered intolerant -- compatibility vs. noncompatibility.

6. Oh dear - control. I guess that is somewhat of a downfall. Again, I think it depends on the person I'm with. I do think of myself as quite competent and intelligent, so I tend to see the "big picture" when others don't. Because I am very logical and analytical in assessing situations, I think I tend to get to the "answer" quickly, and I find it frustrating to hear over and over again from a partner a more incompetent way just because they want their own way or feel I'm challenging them. (Men sometimes don't like a tiny woman being smarter than they are or more competent, I've found -- maybe it's just me.... )

7. Values: honesty, integrity, generosity, independence, intelligence, kindness, HUMOR, open mind....those are the basics. I tend to be very empathetic, so unfortunately I pick up feelings from people around me. If a person is down and depressed, I'll be that way; if they want to pick a fight, I'm not one to let someone stomp all over me!; if they are upbeat and funny, I'm a great audience, and will laugh and laugh. So, I prefer a funny, smart, kind person, overall.

8. I don't know what a pre-set standard rule is!!

9. I'm a leader and a follower. I like to lead if I know I know the lay of the land, but I'm willing to follow the expert. I recognize that some people are better at some things, and others at other things.

10. Personal characteristics, weaks and strengths: gosh that's a pretty big category!! A little too big to get into here. You can figure out some from the above. I am NOT perfect --- News alert -- I AM NOT PERFECT!!

I tend to have a stressful life, however, I am aiming toward de-stressing it! I plan to sell my house (when the market gets better) and relocate to a place that I have a very small payment or none. I want to retire (I work too hard), and I want to relax. I think I deserve that after many years of working hard for others (and I don't mean employers), raising a great kid (my contribution to society, which I take very seriously as a mother), and I'm a much happier person with less stress -- then I can laugh a lot!! Comedians: I am a terrific audience to have (my friends who are quite funny will readily agree -- they love having a ready audience in me!).

Okay, anyone else want to venture to answer these questions? I've noticed that many of you are already happily married, so maybe you have these figured out already -- good for you. I'm intelligent, but not very smart in these things -- it's taken me a long time to figure all this out. But I've had an interesting life, been a lot of places, and I am grateful for what I have.

And I'd love to meet some of you here! I never actually spent time in Florida -- it never appealed to me -- but many of you from the Florida forum seem really cool!! Maybe I should put Florida on my list of places to check out ..... ?

Well, Honest Sagittarius coughs up the truth (yuck).