Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Oh, but you WEREN'T condescending? Haha! Well, of course you managed to stay "politically correct", and so I understand that as long as political correctness is observed, YOU can be as condescending as you want. Come to think of it, however, if you want to be even more politically correct, you should realize just how horribly inaccurate and deeply insulting terms like "homemaker" and "stay at home mom" are. She was a DOMESTIC ENGINEER, a SPOUSAL AND PARENTING SCIENTIST (SAPS).
And I did not miss that part of the conversation about being college-educated and having had a career -- I just found it strange. If she is a young, educated woman with substantial experience, then why is it so crucial to get alimony? She wouldn't be the first single parent who has to work outside the home, would she?
Honestly, I detest political correctness, so I have no clue what you are taking about here. I AM a homemaker and stay at home mom - one of the highest callings a person can have in life - so I certainly would NOT speak to someone like delong in a condesending way at all.
You really have a chip on your shoulder over this issue for some reason - too bad, it colors your whole perspective in an ugly way.
She's been out of the work force for a number of years now - she's not going to hop right back into a highpaying job. There will be a period of transition where any spousal support she can get will be very helpful - and she's certainly earned it.
By welfare I mean money or other financial support that is not earned. He owes half the financial support for the kids; any more than that from him is welfare for her, and unfair to him.
I am trying to see it from your point of view. But you are missing something. The NON custodial parent should, in fairness, pay MORE than half of the financial child support. Why? Because the custodial parent is providing all the TIME it takes to drive the kids to TBall, stay up with a sick child, take time off work for emergencies, do homework and make lunches while the non-custodial one just writes a check.
Divorced Dads don't have it easy either...but fair is fair.
I AM a homemaker and stay at home mom - one of the highest callings a person can have in life - so I certainly would NOT speak to someone like delong in a condesending way at all. You really have a chip on your shoulder over this issue for some reason - too bad, it colors your whole perspective in an ugly way.
Preliminarily, if you believe that I insulted you by referring to a woman who stays at home and does not work outside the home while her husband is the sole wage-earner a "housewife", then you should address that by reporting me to the moderator. Personal insults are against the policy of this forum, and so if the moderator shares your sensitivities, I am sure I will be appropriately sanctioned, and the word "housewife" will be stricken from this thread and added to the list of prohibited slurs in the "sticky". For what it's worth, I never said being a SAHM is bad, immoral, etc., and you are simply upset because I didn't give this path in life enough of a validation to assuage your pride. Well, validations butter no parsnips. Remaining a SAHM (is that respectful enough for you?) in a divorce is simply unrealistic. To say otherwise is delusional. Now, as to that whole offense of yours: being a lawyer, a female, an immigrant and a Jew, I get called all sorts of names gratuitously all the time, so your righteous outrage over the term "housewife" isn't particularly impressive to me. If I were as sensitive as you, I could take your comment about homemaking being "one of the highest callings" and interpret it as an attack on my own personal and professional choices and call you insulting, condescending, etc. Your comment can also be interpreted to say that you believe it's okay to be condescending to some people, but not to a SAHM, and you believe that you are just better than anyone who works outside the home. You don't think that tooting your own horn in this manner indicates you have a chip on your shoulder? The difference between you and me, however, is that this stuff just makes me chuckle; you, on the other hand, police the respect you believe is due your personal choices in all seriousness. And that, of course, suggests that (in the immortal words of the Bard) "the lady doth protest too much".
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
She's been out of the work force for a number of years now - she's not going to hop right back into a highpaying job. There will be a period of transition where any spousal support she can get will be very helpful - and she's certainly earned it.
Well, you are going to get upset again, LM, so let me preface with the following disclaimer: being a SAHM, I am sure you are highly competent in lots of things in which I am totally INcompetent (even though I do take care of my house, husband, and small son while also working full-time, but whatever) -- the LAW, however, isn't your area of expertise. Being a SAHM doesn't make you a legal expert. This is not to say that a SAHM theoretically can't be a legal expert, but you clearly aren't one, seeing as you cannot as much as distinguish between natural law and codified law.
What you think the law should be: Any SAHM is entitled to spousal support.
What the law actually is: this statute
Can you see the difference? I hope so. I know you are going to complain again about how I'm a big snob, but it's just a plain fact that there is a gaping difference between your opinion and actual reality, and I ain't gonna promote an outright delusion in order to spare you the charge of ignorance. Sorry. Telling the OP what you think the law should be isn't very helpful. I am sure she has a pretty good idea of what she is morally entitled to, but your affirmation of it gives her no indication whatsoever as to what she is likely to get in her divorce proceeding. And that's what really matters here, isn't it? Even less helpful is confusing your opinion with fact, for reasons which, I am sure, everyone can understand.
Preliminarily, if you believe that I insulted you by referring to a woman who stays at home and does not work while her husband is the sole wage-earner a "housewife", then you should address that by reporting me to the moderator. Personal insults are against the policy of this forum, and so if the moderator shares your sensitivities, I am sure I will be appropriately sanctioned, and the word "housewife" will be stricken from this thread and added to the list of prohibited slurs in the "sticky". For what it's worth, I never said being a SAHM is bad, immoral, etc., and you are simply upset because I didn't give this path in life enough of a validation to assuage your pride. Well, validations butter no parsnips. Remaining a SAHM (is that respectful enough for you?) in a divorce is simply unrealistic. To say otherwise is delusional. Now, as to that whole offense of yours: being a lawyer, I get called all sorts of names quite gratuitously, so your sensitivity over that whole "housewife" bit isn't particularly impressive to me. If I were as sensitive as you, I could take your comment about homemaking being "one of the highest callings" and interpret it as an attack on my own personal and professional choices and call you insulting, condescending, etc. Your comment can also be interpreted to say that you believe it's okay to be condescending to some people, but not to a SAHM, and you believe that you are just better than anyone who works outside the home. You don't think that tooting your own horn in this manner indicates you have a chip on your shoulder? The difference between you and me, however, is that this stuff just makes me chuckle; you, on the other hand, police the respect you believe is due your personal choices in all seriousness.
Well, you are going to get upset again, LM, so let me preface with the following disclaimer: being a SAHM, I am sure you are highly competent in lots of things in which I am totally INcompetent (even though I do take care of my house, husband, and small son while also working full-time, but whatever) -- the LAW, however, isn't your area of expertise. Being a SAHM doesn't make you a legal expert. This is not to say that a SAHM theoretically can't be a legal expert, but you clearly aren't one, seeing as you cannot as much as distinguish between natural law and codified law.
What you think the law should be: Any SAHM is entitled to spousal support.
What the law actually is: this statute
Can you see the difference? I hope so. I know you are going to complain again about how I'm a big snob, but it's just a plain fact that there is a gaping difference between your opinion and actual reality, and I ain't gonna promote an outright delusion in order to kiss anyone's a$$. Sorry. Telling the OP what you think the law should be isn't very helpful. I am sure she has a pretty good idea of what she is morally entitled to, but your affirmation of it gives her no indication whatsoever as to what she is likely to get in her divorce proceeding. And that's what really matters here, isn't it? Even less helpful is confusing your opinion with fact, for reasons which, I am sure, everyone can understand.
I had no idea you were a woman (you write like a man to me) so my remarks about being a stay at home mom being a high calling could hardly have been meant to be condesending towards you.
You keep bringing up all kinds of issues that have absolutely nothing to do with our OP, delong's, situation. Obviously this is a subject that is in some way a sore subject for you, and I'm sorry about that. But it would probably be more helpful to delong to stick with HER topic than to run off on so many tangents.
I had no idea you were a woman (you write like a man to me) so my remarks about being a stay at home mom being a high calling could hardly have been meant to be condesending towards you.
You had no idea I was a woman because you did not read my posts carefully. And on this forum, I don't get bashed for anything nearly as much as for my feminism, so your assumption (wow!) that I am a man is a stark indication just how sloppily and superficially you read my comments.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
You keep bringing up all kinds of issues that have absolutely nothing to do with our OP, delong's, situation.
I beg to differ. Everything I've brought up is relevant -- certainly a lot more relevant than a bunch of platitudes that have no application to reality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Obviously this is a subject that is in some way a sore subject for you, and I'm sorry about that.
I will not dignify this garbage with a substantive response. Suffice it to say, it is EXTREMELY condescending to dismiss someone you don't like by insinuating that they've become mentally defective and incompetent to comment on the subject at hand due to some dark personal tragedy. EXTREMELY condescending, as well as hugely presumptuous and most obviously disingenuous. Do me a big favor: stick to the substance of the discussion and leave my personal life alone. It's none of your business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
But it would probably be more helpful to delong to stick with HER topic than to run off on so many tangents.
It would probably be more helpful if you didn't try to attack other posters personally or attempt to pass your opinion as fact.
You had no idea I was a woman because you did not read my posts carefully. And on this forum, I don't get bashed for anything nearly as much as for my feminism, so your assumption (wow!) that I am a man is a stark indication just how sloppily and superficially you read my comments.
I beg to differ. Everything I've brought up is relevant -- certainly a lot more relevant than a bunch of platitudes that have no application to reality.
I will not dignify this garbage with a substantive response. Suffice it to say, it is EXTREMELY condescending to dismiss someone you don't like by insinuating that they've become mentally defective and incompetent to comment on the subject at hand due to some dark personal tragedy. EXTREMELY condescending, as well as hugely presumptuous and most obviously disingenuous. Do me a big favor: stick to the substance of the discussion and leave my personal life alone. It's none of your business.
It would probably be more helpful if you didn't try to attack other posters personally or attempt to pass your opinion as fact.
The funny thing is, all the things you are accusing me of is actually what YOU yourself are doing
Are you by any chance the second wife of a man with an ex he had to pay spousal support to?
I had no idea you were a woman (you write like a man to me) so my remarks about being a stay at home mom being a high calling could hardly have been meant to be condesending towards you.
What could be more insulting that to accuse Redisca of writing like a man??? She is much more eloquent that any man on this board (a few men come close...)
What could be more insulting that to accuse Redisca of writing like a man??? She is much more eloquent that any man on this board (a few men come close...)
I demand an apology this instant!
Well, I apologize to any man who thought me comparing Redisca to them was insulting Honestly, it was an OBSERVATION of writing style, certainly not an insult. Men are some of my favorite people!!
"Not always" does not equal "never", "not a factor" or "not important". It IS a factor, even if it's not THE DISPOSITIVE one -- and obviously, the greater the difference between the financial stability of the two parties, the more influence it has over the outcome of the custody proceeding.
OK guys, enough is enough. This woman you are doing this "he said, she said" was looking for advice and didn't plan on starting WW3, so I think a big chill is in order here. Her emotions are all over the place, mind racing on how she is going to take care of her kids...and then she will come on here and read all of this "stuff" and wonder why she came here in the first place.
There are a lot of us on here who have rund the divorce gauntlet more than once in some cases, there are also many of us who have had their feelings crushed. Why not give examples of how you handled your issues instead of bickering about who said what?? If you want to debate an issue this badly, then go to the Great Debates forum...lots to talk about there.
In the meantime let's all back up and PUNT and help this lady get on the right path...support her, be a friend.
What could be more insulting that to accuse Redisca of writing like a man??? She is much more eloquent that any man on this board (a few men come close...)
I demand an apology this instant!
Why can't we all just get along?????
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
