Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yesterday I was told by the wife she wants a divorce. Yes indeed, the big D has come to Mr. C. She told me this after I accidentally bumped into a message from her to her high school sweetheart, whe I asked her about it she of course tried to turn it on me saying that I was spying on her ( which I was not, I never thought I would have to ). I asked her why and how long she has been feeling like this, she said because even though she loves me, she's not in love with me and she has been feeling like this since we got married. I am still in shock and feeling very lightheaded. The message was for those of you who want to know, she was having a very bad day with the kids I am gessing so she wrote to him "I long to be held by you so much".
I mean, I have read and watched shows regarding stuff like this and never even imagined it woud happen to me. I asked her about this guy and she said he's married and has kids. I asked her why would she write something like that and she said he and her were really close and were really good friends.
Honestly folks, I am devastated. I feel like the whole world just collapsed in front of me leaving me clueless. I feel sooooo useless and also feel like just giving everything up. I have no desire for anything anymore.
Mr. Cat - I had a bad feeling when you told us she wanted to move back to California to be with family and let you come later after/if you found a job.
I know you are very upset and hurt, and I am so sorry for that. But it seems like you guys have had a lot of stress to deal with this year. It could very well be that the stress has just gotten to her, and like a person on fire she is ready to do ANYTHING to stop the hurting. Have you insisted on some marriage counseling?
Oh and if you guys don't see any posts from me, I probably disappeared from the face of this earth.
WOO !! hold on there ! You got kid's ? Well then all you need to do is ask her if she needs help moving "OUT" sound like she has a home to go to and your kids will still need a home ! no matter what you 2 do.
Did she move back to California and take the kids? It would seem that a man might have a chance at custody if his soon-to-be ex wants to remove the kids from the state he's living in and prevent visitation rights.
I'd get a lawyer and fast and work on what is best for the kids. Not hateful and spiteful but the kids have to come first with one spouse when the other spouse is trying to destroy a family.
Just curious about something Cat, and I ask this not to judge you or criticize you but, you have close to four thousands posts inside of 9 months here. Is the time you used to make these posts, time that you took away from spending with her? A lot of us post from work, so I understand how we can tally up a big post count when things are slow at the office. But if those are posts made from home while she's sitting in the other room, then perhaps this is something you can compromise on with her in order to work out some sort of resolution. Find out what it is that's making her feel this way, and allow yourself to listen to some constructive criticism.
Many of us get on various forums to fill a void, escape boredom, engage in some sort of social life, or in some cases to avoid the things we don't want to deal with at home or work. Could I be doing something else right now besides posting on C-D? Sure, I'm certain there is something else I could be doing around the office. But this is how I choose to budget my time, because I know I will eventually get my work done. I find myself doing this at home too. I get "sucked in" to the computer and before you know it an hour or two may have elapsed and I've accomplished nothing. Does she spend an excessive amount of time on the computer? Perhaps you two can work out something in terms of usage time and dedicating some quality time together, focused on just one another. Sometimes the computer becomes another person in a couples lives, and I see a lot of problems that come between couples as a result. It's not just the computer either, it could be the television, video games, or some other hobby that we engage in that takes time away from our loved ones. If only we invested that time into doing something together like going for a walk, cooking, playing a game or going out for ice cream, we'd have our finger on the pulse of our relationships and then things like this wouldn't blind side us. You can't see something coming if you aren't looking.
I'm not sticking the blame on you Cat, because she clearly crossed the line by her secret friendship and dropping that "not in love with you" line on you. But it takes two to make a relationship work, and sometimes we have to take a real honest look inside ourselves and ask what we can do to fix it within our own control. Just my .02 cents from a guy whose been there.
Oh and if you guys don't see any posts from me, I probably disappeared from the face of this earth.
And whatever you do, you don't even give that a second thought. You have kids and your kids need you more than ever. They need one parent to help them through this, if mom decides to continue on and have affairs with whoever and whatever, and break up the family, your kids need you to be the sane and sensible one. They need stability of some kind.
Divorce might be hard but it's not the worst thing people might have to face. There are far worse things, like death of a child, cancer -- a lot worse things that some people go through. Just like many many other people, you sometimes have to face that a marriage just didn't work. With kids involved there's a whole lot more to think about than just your own pain.
Your are the last person I thought that would happen to. Im with malamute on giving your marriage a shot if Ms. Cat will agree to counseling. Im not big on counseling, but dont be to quick to throw in the towel.
Your are the last person I thought that would happen to. Im with malamute on giving your marriage a shot if Ms. Cat will agree to counseling. Im not big on counseling, but dont be to quick to throw in the towel.
That's right - I still think she's had too much stress to deal with; new baby last year, some medical scares - counseling could get them back on track. PLEASE make an appt with someone Mr. Cat!
Just curious about something Cat, and I ask this not to judge you or criticize you but, you have close to four thousands posts inside of 9 months here. Is the time you used to make these posts, time that you took away from spending with her? A lot of us post from work, so I understand how we can tally up a big post count when things are slow at the office. But if those are posts made from home while she's sitting in the other room, then perhaps this is something you can compromise on with her in order to work out some sort of resolution. Find out what it is that's making her feel this way, and allow yourself to listen to some constructive criticism.
Many of us get on various forums to fill a void, escape boredom, engage in some sort of social life, or in some cases to avoid the things we don't want to deal with at home or work. Could I be doing something else right now besides posting on C-D? Sure, I'm certain there is something else I could be doing around the office. But this is how I choose to budget my time, because I know I will eventually get my work done. I find myself doing this at home too. I get "sucked in" to the computer and before you know it an hour or two may have elapsed and I've accomplished nothing. Does she spend an excessive amount of time on the computer? Perhaps you two can work out something in terms of usage time and dedicating some quality time together, focused on just one another. Sometimes the computer becomes another person in a couples lives, and I see a lot of problems that come between couples as a result. It's not just the computer either, it could be the television, video games, or some other hobby that we engage in that takes time away from our loved ones. If only we invested that time into doing something together like going for a walk, cooking, playing a game or going out for ice cream, we'd have our finger on the pulse of our relationships and then things like this wouldn't blind side us. You can't see something coming if you aren't looking.
I'm not sticking the blame on you Cat, because she clearly crossed the line by her secret friendship and dropping that "not in love with you" line on you. But it takes two to make a relationship work, and sometimes we have to take a real honest look inside ourselves and ask what we can do to fix it within our own control. Just my .02 cents from a guy whose been there.
I work 13+ hrs a day. To previde for them. I always post from work and when I'm at home I don't even go near a damn computer and I always the one who wants to do something with the family.
1. Channel the bad emotions and negativity...literally, go for some long walks they will help clear your head.
2. I would go completely dry (no alchohol) and start a regimine of exercise. These will help clear your mind and prevent you from saying anything that isn't well thought out.
3. DO NOT chase her. You can (and will) do better and deserve better. Suggest counseling but if she isn't down for that then you know that you tried. Pushing right now will just be futile.
Basically, channel the negative energy towards positive things you want to do in your life. Best wishes.
Juss a sec, let's back up here. Mr. Cat - you recently posted that you were feeling blue AND you have small kids (2 years and 6 months old). Dude, I do remember the period freshly. Up until the youngest was about 3, the whole period seemed like a blurr. I couldn't do anything - read books, watch TV, just sit down for 5 minutes... The normalcy was shot... What was normal then? I am not sure that how I was functioning was really normal. We bickered and what not. On top of everything, I had some health problems and that didn't help... I was close twice to leaving the Mr.
So her writings to someone could be the reaction to this period in her life... Not necessarily the well-thought-out decision, but the bummness with the routine (wiping two bums non-stop, answering every request, losing sense of herself). She may have something close to a depression, too.
I don't know a magic trick to survive the period, IF you both survive, it may turn into better. My kids reaching 3 and especially 4 years old, all it took. Of course I dont' know how really deep and serious her intentions are.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.