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This is one of the main ways my family functioned and still does. I know I am insane to have anything to do with any of them but there is one last tie between my sister and I and once that is over I am DONE.
I am so sick of being threatened, you just have NO IDEA. To use CAT language, it gets my ridge up to the point where I can barely be reasonable.
I can't stand these conversations that are so heated, that are so emotional. I just have to get it out of my life.
This is why I relish time alone, I am so used to life being crowded with people who are intolerable to be around. I grew up TRYING to keep my head down, trying to take the chair closest to the door so I could duck out, trying to not be a problem so no one would yell at me but they always found a reason.
I'm sorry but I am just venting.
Shouldn't you treat your family BETTER then you treat strangers? Not in my family.
This is one of the main ways my family functioned and still does. I know I am insane to have anything to do with any of them but there is one last tie between my sister and I and once that is over I am DONE.
I am so sick of being threatened, you just have NO IDEA. To use CAT language, it gets my ridge up to the point where I can barely be reasonable.
I can't stand these conversations that are so heated, that are so emotional. I just have to get it out of my life.
This is why I relish time alone, I am so used to life being crowded with people who are intolerable to be around. I grew up TRYING to keep my head down, trying to take the chair closest to the door so I could duck out, trying to not be a problem so no one would yell at me but they always found a reason.
I'm sorry but I am just venting.
Shouldn't you treat your family BETTER then you treat strangers? Not in my family.
You're right, ideally, family members should be treated better than friends and strangers. Unfortunately, it is not the case in reality, and the same goes for my family.
One of the reasons for them treating their own family members like crap, but "outsiders" very nicely, is because subconsciously family members think that they could get away w/ treating their other family members like crap. Why do they think they could get away with it? Because they think that "no matter how badly they treat you", you will still love them.
But you know what? Families tend to fail to realize that we are all humans, and humans have their own LIMITS.
I know exactly how you feel. It's enfuriating to think you have to cut them off to acquire some peace. But you'll be a lot less angry without them in your life. You'll get used to her being gone and be better for it.
Live and let live, understand they will be the way they are, and all you can do is love them for who and what they are...and get the heck away from them for your own sanity. Being a good example for them is really all you can do.
This is one of the main ways my family functioned and still does. I know I am insane to have anything to do with any of them but there is one last tie between my sister and I and once that is over I am DONE. I am so sick of being threatened, you just have NO IDEA. To use CAT language, it gets my ridge up to the point where I can barely be reasonable.I can't stand these conversations that are so heated, that are so emotional. I just have to get it out of my life.This is why I relish time alone, I am so used to life being crowded with people who are intolerable to be around. I grew up TRYING to keep my head down, trying to take the chair closest to the door so I could duck out, trying to not be a problem so no one would yell at me but they always found a reason.I'm sorry but I am just venting. Shouldn't you treat your family BETTER then you treat strangers? Not in my family.
One of my dearest friends once told me that your friends you get to pick and choose but your relatives you are stuck with and unfortunately that is true. No matter if you are or are not talking to relatives, they are just that....relatives. If this was a friend you were having difficulty with, perhaps you would be more inclined to end the relationship than you would if it were family.
I come from a family of all females..yup, no brothers. Growing up it was fun for the most part...we did have our squabbles but when the chips were down, we were there for each other. Since we are all now a bunch of middle aged CRANKS, things are a bit different. I have two siblings who get unnecessary pleasure out of making fun of people, criticizing others less fortunate than them and one of these two is a huge power freak..always wants to be in control. Then I have one who is everybody's doormat and just won't stick up for herself and then yet another who is trying desperately to be perfect in eveything she does...and I sit back and watch them and wonder what am I doing wrong???? I am calm, don't make fun of people, could care less about power, and am certainly no one's door mat.
Some people family or not simply rag about something all the time. I try to avoid negative people as it is tough for me to not say anything about their constant complaining. I do have a tendency to speak up and sometimes at the worst times...never let it be said that I hold stuff in. Case in point....one of my siblings and I didn't speak for 7 years..my choice. Like you, I had had enough and just cut it off. During those 7 years, I was talked about, made fun of, criticized...with so many sisters stuff gets back real fast. Last year, I was diagnosed with an upper aortic aneurysm that was life threatening and also hereditary. Because of the hereditary factor, I had to talk with my entire family....it was important to bury the bad feelings and do the right thing. It is good that I am now back in touch with my sister, but sad that it took an emergency situation for it to happen. I have had surgery and I am probably more healthy now than before.
I know it is difficult to be around someone who is constantly complaining, constantly criticizing you, nitpicking, nagging but think twice before you cut them totally out of your life. Living a life full of should haves and what ifs is living a life full of regrets. You don't have to please anyone but yourself first so if anyone oversteps that personal space you have state your case and refuse to argue..it works well. Good Luck....
The ties that bind can be the noose around your neck.
I have a story similar to yours, and I felt I had to walk away forever to protect myself. When it gets to the point where you don't feel safe around them, even emotionally or psycologically, then it's time to move on.
I know it is difficult to be around someone who is constantly complaining, constantly criticizing you, nitpicking, nagging but think twice before you cut them totally out of your life. Living a life full of should haves and what ifs is living a life full of regrets. You don't have to please anyone but yourself first so if anyone oversteps that personal space you have state your case and refuse to argue..it works well. Good Luck....
Everyone has their own threshold of toxicity so I would never give someone that kind of advice. I would be presuming what they could endure and might be encouraging them to suffer.
To the OP: Susan Forward has written a number of books on toxic family. They are very well-regarded for having constructive advice on how to deal with those kinds of people.
Well my Dad isn't chips and dip either. After many arguments he finally cooled down, but I still think he could go crazy at any minute so I don't trust him. I also spend time alone and away from them, and I do go out of my way to avoid him as much as possible. Like I said, he mellowed down and now even tries to be helpful, when before he only thought of helping himself in life. But I give him an inch and ....you know. Some people just need to be left alone so they do whatever they want to the people they hang with, people like themselves, and if you can move as far away from them, the better.
This is one of the main ways my family functioned and still does. I know I am insane to have anything to do with any of them but there is one last tie between my sister and I and once that is over I am DONE.
I am so sick of being threatened, you just have NO IDEA. To use CAT language, it gets my ridge up to the point where I can barely be reasonable.
I can't stand these conversations that are so heated, that are so emotional. I just have to get it out of my life.
This is why I relish time alone, I am so used to life being crowded with people who are intolerable to be around. I grew up TRYING to keep my head down, trying to take the chair closest to the door so I could duck out, trying to not be a problem so no one would yell at me but they always found a reason.
I'm sorry but I am just venting.
Shouldn't you treat your family BETTER then you treat strangers? Not in my family.
Here's the problem is we have definitions confused. People who share our DNA are RELATIVES. People who we choose to have close personal ties with are FAMILY.
You can't choose your relatives, but family is a whole other subject.
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Hate being threatened
