What is wrong about being the OTHER person in an affair? (married, man)
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I have been the OTHER man. She was hot to trot and so was I (I was single at the time). I just steered clear of the subject of her husband; she didn't want to talk about him and neither did I.
She was a serial cheater...I was just one guy along the way. But it was fun -- and a little nerve-wracking -- while it lasted.
I was watching a fictional character the other day justify her involvement with a married man. She pointed out that she was not the one who was married therefore she was not quilty of adultery.
Personally I believe in treating others like I would want to be treated. I wouldn't want a woman involving herself with my husband so therefore I would NOT become involved with someone else's spouse. Nevermind the fact I don't indulge in casual sex. I don't have to know the woman to feel some sort of responsibility to NOT make her life harder.
What are your thoughts on this subject?
For those that have had affairs, did you tell yourself that you weren't committing adultery so where is the problem since you weren't in the marriage?
I wont knowingly contribute to breaking up a marriage/realtionship. If a man wants out of one he needs to man up and tell his spouse he wants out not fool around on her.
I wouldn't want a woman involving herself with my husband so therefore I would NOT become involved with someone else's spouse. Nevermind the fact I don't indulge in casual sex. I don't have to know the woman to feel some sort of responsibility to NOT make her life harder.
What are your thoughts on this subject?
For those that have had affairs, did you tell yourself that you weren't committing adultery so where is the problem since you weren't in the marriage?
i have not ever been "the other woman" as I don't date anyone married, or anyone who is not available to be in a monogamous relationship. But i have listened to women share honestly and candidly about their thinking and WHY they have affairs with married men. These are the reasons I have heard women give:
"he'll leave her for me" they really believe the guy will leave his wife and be with her and live happily ever after
"he's trapped in an unhappy marriage" with a wife who doesn't understand him; when he sees how understanding she (the mistress) is he will fall in love with her and they will live happily ever after because she is the one who can make him happy
they go after men who are unavailable, married men fit that category
one woman said she did not practice honesty in her life; once it became important for her to begin living an "honest life" she stopped dating married men altogether
many women say "all is fair" when it comes to love and romance and "anything goes"
they have very low self-esteem and don't feel they are "worthy" of a relationship that is healthy, exclusive, monogamous, or above-board. When they improve their own self-esteem, and set the bar higher for how they treat themselves in life, they stop dating married men.
they have very low self-esteem and don't feel they are "worthy" of a relationship that is healthy, exclusive, monogamous, or above-board. When they improve their own self-esteem, and set the bar higher for how they treat themselves in life, they stop dating married men.
Hey now!! OK, I'll buy that some of these mistresses have low self-esteem but I take GREAT isssue with your characterization of a "healthy" relationship having to be exclusive and monogamous.
In other words, the only "healthy" relationship involves marriage or is "marriage-like"? Nope. Different strokes for different folks and there is NOTHING wrong with being single and uncommitted to one particular person. Not everyone is suited to exclusivity and/or marriage and MORE people should admit that fact and not be pressured into marriage. THAT is why there are so many divorces and people stepping out on their spouses.
I've not been anyone's mistress but I've had offers to be several times, probably because I'm the "unwife." I value my individuality and freedom too much to fritter it away on a man and I only want to be with single men who want to be with me, not because they took an oath and are thereafter obligated. That doesn't make my relationships "unhealthy."
Hey now!! OK, I'll buy that some of these mistresses have low self-esteem but I take GREAT isssue with your characterization of a "healthy" relationship having to be exclusive and monogamous.
Well, she did say "a relationship that is healthy, exclusive, monogamous,or above-board." Or, not and. I believe all she was saying was that an affair is none of those things.
What the heck... I guess I'm in the mood to share this. Perhaps prof inspired me... since he doesn't open his mouth often, either. Only had a glass of wine, so alcohol is not to be blamed.
Sometimes things are beyond your control, at least for some of us that are wired this way. I met him when I was 23 - in a third country, which was his home country, but he didn't live there. It was one of those huge "sparks"... Couldn't help it. I knew he wasn't gonna divorce his wife. Still couldn't help it. Even then I knew I shouldn't even want to be married to somebody like him. Still couldn't help it. We met again in the course of 3 more summers. On one of these occasions I had a serious BF whom I loved. Still couldn't help it. This was the one and only occasion I've done something behind somebody's back.
Later I figured I can't continue wasting my life and youth with this and got married, moved across the ocean, and told my parents not to give him any info if he calls. Years went by... many years... I was married... then alone for a few years... and still kept my promise to never contact him again. Then without really trying a flight of mine got rerouted through his city, with an overnight... If it weren't for the overnight stay, I would've probably passed again, but it wasn't in the cards. Couldn't help it... The old supposedly well buried addiction came back, so I went there again a few months later. This last meeting was a sobering experience, though, and surprisingly enough it provided much needed closure. Both of us were a lot older and a lot more beaten up by life. It was actually the first time we really talked... and shared our disappointments and disillusionments and truths... and it was over for me for good... However, this experience has been engraved in me and I will always seek to relive it... I had a "thing" for this nation, lifestyle, music, etc. even before I met him. Looking to relive it brought other disasters into my life because I was projecting this desire on random people. And still am... Can't help it.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being the OTHER person in an affair -- nor is there anything wrong with helping out a dude who likes to kill people and rob their corpses. If he shares his money with you, and you're getting some benefits, what's the problem? It's not like you're the one pulling the trigger.
No everybody believes in reincarnation.....if you are referring to the traditional meaning of the term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Clearly you don't know what karma is.
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