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Yea because you all's opinions and experiences are 'more valid.' I should just abandons what I been through and go with you all on all thing's life. LOL. In actually some of you are just as 'delusional' as me because you had all these fairytale run ins and relationships with men, so now they are all so peachy and wonderful.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings!
I would just like you to try to grasp the concept that your bad experiences, coupled with your AS are coloring your ability to be unbiased, okay?
There are no fairy tale lives, and no one here is saying there are. We are just saying that things are not as bad as you think they are either, though again, I know there will be no convincing you of that
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings!
I would just like you to try to grasp the concept that your bad experiences, coupled with your AS are coloring your ability to be unbiased, okay?
There are no fairy tale lives, and no one here is saying there are. We are just saying that things are not as bad as you think they are either, though again, I know there will be no convincing you of that
OK. Well I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that. I can't beleive in things that I have never witnessed for myself. People say you have to gives the males a chance, OK then when you did that numerous times, trying to give them benefit of the doubt or whatever and they make a fool out of you or treat you like garbage, best thing to do is stop giving out free chances, IMO. In 32 years of life a handful should've come by that showed an ounce of decency, since there's so many out there as you all claim -- if they haven't then there's obviously very few out there in the first place.
You're lucky if you been around a lot of males that do right and act like these prince charming types in the books, you can depends on them etc. I don't know nothing about that and have closed the book on those possibilities. Better not to waste a lot of trust on them and get screwed over again. You and other women like you on here can take those chances again and again b/c you had good results before.
OK. Well I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that. I can't beleive in things that I have never witnessed for myself. People say you have to gives the males a chance, OK then when you did that numerous times, trying to give them benefit of the doubt or whatever and they make a fool out of you or treat you like garbage, best thing to do is stop giving out free chances, IMO. In 32 years of life one should've come by that showed an ounce of decency, if they haven't then there's obviously very few out there with that quality.
You're lucky if you been around a lot of males that do right and act like these prince charming types in the books, you can depends on them etc. I don't know nothing about that and have closed the book on those possibilities. Better not to waste a lot of trust on them and get screwed over again. You and women like you on here can take those chances again and again b/c you had good results before.
I think you need to move. Honestly - I really think you need to move. It doesn't sound like you have ever been in a healthy environment. Take a look at your friends. Do they make your life better? Are they there for you when you need them? Do you love them?
I'm not saying that every man is wonderful. I'm saying that not every man is a liar, a cheater, an abuser, a drug addict, etc. If you can't honestly say that you have met a man that wasn't one of those things - you need to move and make some new friends.
I think you need to move. Honestly - I really think you need to move. It doesn't sound like you have ever been in a healthy environment.Take a look at your friends. Do they make your life better? Are they there for you when you need them? Do you love them?
I'm not saying that every man is wonderful. I'm saying that not every man is a liar, a cheater, an abuser, a drug addict, etc. If you can't honestly say that you have met a man that wasn't one of those things - you need to move and make some new friends.
I grow up in a mostly white suburban neighborhood, I am not moving. LOL. I don't have any friends anymore. I dropped them all b/c I got tired of social interactions and hearing about their sex lives and families, nothing in common there. I don't see how you can love your friends anyways
Well it sounds like you're saying majority of men are wonderful and this and that. You said yourself 'you love men' and they're your favorites, etc. They are nice to look at sometimes and funny, I draw the line there though. you comes across as a woman that's generally smitten with men....Yes, of course, I have met men that are not abusers or druggies. Not saying every one of them falls in to that category, only some. But I do beleive the majority of them are liars and a high percentage of them are cheaters. It's a bad mistake to trust a lot of what they tell you b/c they seems to tell the women anything or what we want to hear.
I grow up in a mostly white suburban neighborhood, I am not moving. LOL. I don't have any friends anymore. I dropped them all b/c I got tired of social interactions and hearing about their sex lives and families, nothing in common there. I don't see how you can love your friends anyways
Well it sounds like you're saying majority of men are wonderful and this and that. You said yourself 'you love men' and they're your favorites, etc. They are nice to look at sometimes and funny, I draw the line there though. you comes across as a woman that's generally smitten with men....Yes, of course, I have met men that are not abusers or druggies. Not saying every one of them falls in to that category, only some. But I do beleive the majority of them are liars and a high percentage of them are cheaters. It's a bad mistake to trust a lot of what they tell you b/c they seems to tell the women anything or what we want to hear.
After reading your post - I think that this has more to do with your Asperger's than anything else. I don't know how you can say that only SOME men that you know are bad - yet you believe that the MAJORITY of men are bad. Doesn't quite make sense. I guess there really is nothing that I can say.
After reading your post - I think that this has more to do with your Asperger's than anything else. I don't know how you can say that only SOME men that you know are bad - yet you believe that the MAJORITY of men are bad. Doesn't quite make sense. I guess there really is nothing that I can say.
Well I don't know what is confusing. I said I met men that weren't druggies or abusers -- but yes I do think most of them are liars and/or cheaters. what is so hard about that I don't know.
there's no hope for most people with aspergers anyways.
Well I don't know what is confusing. I said I met men that weren't druggies or abusers -- but yes I do think most of them are liars and/or cheaters. what is so hard about that I don't know.
there's no hope for most people with aspergers anyways.
Look - you say that only SOME of the men that you know are bad. SOME. That means much less than a majority. Yet you believe that the MAJORITY of all men are bad. If you only know SOME who are bad - then why do you think that the MAJORITY are bad. Doesn't make sense.
It's not that there is no hope for people with aspergers - but if you don't want things to get better - if you don't want to try and put in some effort - then no, things won't get better. It's like that for everyone, really.
Okay why are you assuming that the man is always at fault for a divorce? Women go into marriage with selfish motives also. Women stop trying as well. Not everything that is wrong in the world's is necessarily a MAN's fault.
I never assume anything. I comment on the idea that men need to work harder at making their women happy. If a man loves a woman he will take the time to make sure that her needs are met, that she is cared for, that she is loved. I don't claim to know the motives of women. I would hope that they are selfish motives and that the women has a man that will meet all her needs.
we men seem to think that because we told her we love her years ago, or put a ring on her finger that she should know that we love her. A guy spends countless hours dating, sending flowers, cards, candy. A guy takes his girl on dates, buys her dinner and spends time with her. Then the marriage happens and all that was done in the past is supposed to let the girl know she is loved forever. Let me tell you that if I did that my wife would have left a long time ago.
How many men buy flowers each week or maybe every other week for their wife? How many make sure that they have a date night with their wife each week? How many men help out around the house or maybe take the innitiative and make dinner for the family? I know a lot of guys that spend more time with their friends than they do with their wife. I know guys that head on down to the local watering hole and spend more time with people that they think are their friends than with their wife.
Sure women stop trying. Usually because their men have never made an effort or spent such a short amount of time on their marriage that the women feel, why even try any more. A marriage is something to nurture, something to build on, something to put first in our life. What guys will learn is that their wife will respond to that and 9 times out of 10 respond in a favorable way.
Look - you say that only SOME of the men that you know are bad. SOME. That means much less than a majority. Yet you believe that the MAJORITY of all men are bad. If you only know SOME who are bad - then why do you think that the MAJORITY are bad. Doesn't make sense.
It's not that there is no hope for people with aspergers - but if you don't want things to get better - if you don't want to try and put in some effort - then no, things won't get better. It's like that for everyone, really.
this is where the misunderstanding is. I said some of them aren't druggies and wife beaters. i didn't say they weren't liars or cheaters.
assuming I have never in my life tried, wanted to or put in any effort to get better is untrue. I wouldn't be at this point (giving up and not bothering) if I hadn't already and failed. I don't expect things to get better anymore.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE
I never assume anything. I comment on the idea that men need to work harder at making their women happy. If a man loves a woman he will take the time to make sure that her needs are met, that she is cared for, that she is loved. I don't claim to know the motives of women. I would hope that they are selfish motives and that the women has a man that will meet all her needs.
we men seem to think that because we told her we love her years ago, or put a ring on her finger that she should know that we love her. A guy spends countless hours dating, sending flowers, cards, candy. A guy takes his girl on dates, buys her dinner and spends time with her. Then the marriage happens and all that was done in the past is supposed to let the girl know she is loved forever. Let me tell you that if I did that my wife would have left a long time ago.
How many men buy flowers each week or maybe every other week for their wife? How many make sure that they have a date night with their wife each week? How many men help out around the house or maybe take the innitiative and make dinner for the family? I know a lot of guys that spend more time with their friends than they do with their wife. I know guys that head on down to the local watering hole and spend more time with people that they think are their friends than with their wife.
Sure women stop trying. Usually because their men have never made an effort or spent such a short amount of time on their marriage that the women feel, why even try any more. A marriage is something to nurture, something to build on, something to put first in our life. What guys will learn is that their wife will respond to that and 9 times out of 10 respond in a favorable way.
You honestly make good points. However I would argue that the wife has some responsibility in the matter also. The wife needs to communicate directly, down front, to their husband's face that she is not getting needs met. No sighs, no hmmpn and walking off, be brutally honest with the husband. Men do not pick these things up very well. Your doctor can't treat something that is wrong with your body if you don't tell him. Husbands can't make effort to fix what's wrong if they don't know what is wrong.
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