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Old 05-02-2009, 04:28 AM
 
3 posts, read 6,495 times
Reputation: 13

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Hello,
Thanks in advance for listening and any advice you can give. I have dated and lived with a wonderful man the last 9 months, have had a couple breakups but we always have gotten back together. He is the first person ever in my life that I have had this much fun with and had such strong feelings for. The drawback is our relationship is great if eveything goes his way (food. living arrangements, movies,etc) He has always been accusing me of still having sex with a previous bf (who's a neighbor), so I am constantly reassuring him that this is not true. I lost my job in February and found another one in another state in March and we tried to do the long distance thing but between my taking this new job and the previous bf he hung up the phone on me a week ago after saying he doesn't want to ever speak to me again. I have tried numerous times to contact him via phone, letters, sending pizza (!), and texting but total silence. What went wrong? Are we broke up? Should I keep hoping? Should I go back and try to discuss this in person (he hates discussing anything serious)? I hurt so bad I want to die! I can't sleep, eat, or concentrate-maybe if I had closure it would help. Any advice or summation what is going on is appreciated!!!!!
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Old 05-02-2009, 05:16 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 24,016,792 times
Reputation: 27092
He is trying to tell you that he is done with you by not accepting your phone calls and not communicating at all with you . He sounds very controlling and childish and maybe you are better off without him . I would not waist my time with him and move on cause you said yourself you are in a new city correct ? or a new place to live ? get out and have some fun and dont worry about him . Like I said he sounds like he is a baby and I would just be done with him . I pretty much think he is saying you all are broken up by not communicating with you at all and frankly who cares what he thinks . I think you are too easy on him and should have nailed him to the wall after he accused you of having sex with the ex bf . I mean come on who wants someone that jealous?, I would nt . I wish you luck and try to find someone who is not so jealous and controlling and childish .
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Old 05-02-2009, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,176 posts, read 18,504,880 times
Reputation: 49864
Quote:
Originally Posted by debskolmodin View Post
Hello,
Thanks in advance for listening and any advice you can give. I have dated and lived with a wonderful man the last 9 months, have had a couple breakups but we always have gotten back together. He is the first person ever in my life that I have had this much fun with and had such strong feelings for. The drawback is our relationship is great if eveything goes his way (food. living arrangements, movies,etc) He has always been accusing me of still having sex with a previous bf (who's a neighbor), so I am constantly reassuring him that this is not true. I lost my job in February and found another one in another state in March and we tried to do the long distance thing but between my taking this new job and the previous bf he hung up the phone on me a week ago after saying he doesn't want to ever speak to me again. I have tried numerous times to contact him via phone, letters, sending pizza (!), and texting but total silence. What went wrong? Are we broke up? Should I keep hoping? Should I go back and try to discuss this in person (he hates discussing anything serious)? I hurt so bad I want to die! I can't sleep, eat, or concentrate-maybe if I had closure it would help. Any advice or summation what is going on is appreciated!!!!!
Ok...look....do you want to live the rest of your life catering to his needs and wants. While ignoring your own?
He sounds like a spoiled brat.
Unless you want to be with someone who is SO disrespectful to you then I say go for it.
Personally, I'd move on to someone who doesn't mentally abuse you.

You do know you're feeding into his ego when you beg for his attention don't you?

I don't say this to be mean but, you need to have more respect for yourself than this.

And yes....if this was a male I'd answer the same way.

People treat us the way we allow them to.
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Old 05-02-2009, 08:47 AM
 
4,045 posts, read 1,867,936 times
Reputation: 56035
Oh honey. You don't want a man who avoids and can't communicate. You can't change him. I've tried that. Doesn't work. The longer you stay the more it will hurt.
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Old 05-02-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
403 posts, read 1,561,306 times
Reputation: 236
It's called emotional ABUSE.
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Old 05-02-2009, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,092,051 times
Reputation: 3787
It's over, time to move on. Believe it or not, if your post is true, it's for the best. I agree with Granny Sue. And I'll add that if you keep going down this path you are setting yourself up to be in an abusive relationship.
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Old 05-02-2009, 09:00 AM
 
212 posts, read 754,019 times
Reputation: 120
Oh god just stop and look at your actions first. Stop bending over backways for him, you only do that when you actually have something to be sorry for....and by the sounds of things you havent. Stop texting, calling etc and start to respect yourself.

Whenever you get over this guy you will cringe when you look back on how desperate you were to get back with him. Trust me I know, its really hard to get over someone when they dont officially break up.... but do you really want to be with someone who doesnt respect you enough to break up with you!
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Old 05-02-2009, 09:33 AM
 
Location: San Diego North County
4,803 posts, read 8,735,319 times
Reputation: 3022
I would just about bet good money that if you stop contacting him completely, he'll be banging down your door....that sort always does. As long as you run after him like a dog in heat, he has ALL the power in your relationship.

Why do you want to be involved with someone who expects life to be lived their way or not at all? I just recently got out of a six year relationship with someone who acted much in the same manner...it was all about him and HIS needs, wants and desires and he would pursue those things regardless of the consequences.

Now that it's over, I can clearly see where I submerged myself and my needs in order to try to save a relationship that wasn't worth saving to begin with.

Take back your power woman. Leave that man (little boy) alone. Be strong in yourself and in return, that strength will attract someone to you who will treat you with respect and love.

Worked for me.....
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Old 05-02-2009, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,797 posts, read 9,723,381 times
Reputation: 15936
I think it is time to move on. It sounds to me that things really were not working out that well when you were together and if everything was all about his wants and needs it will only get worse as the relationship progresses. It doesn't sound health in my opinion.

Everyone deserves happiness and I am sure that happiness si right around the corner for you...,
Hang in there.
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Old 05-02-2009, 12:04 PM
 
168 posts, read 377,977 times
Reputation: 182
What the heck is so great about this man?? He is wonderful as long as everything goes his way????? Are u freaking seriously kidding me? This guy sounds like a selfish you know what. Pour some cold water on your face and then ask yourself why would you even be thinking twice about this guy now. You should thank him and thank god that he did you the favor of not answering your phone call. Maybe now you can move on and find yourself a real man that would be good to you through the good and bad times. This guy sounds liek a selfish, immature brat to me.
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