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Old 05-04-2009, 07:17 PM
 
9,004 posts, read 13,755,150 times
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i am a wife/mother of three who works 2 full time jobs{lately cost of living has gone up} to make ends meet. my husband does not work and never has since we married 4 years ago, but he is a great homemaker childcare {1 month old,2,3 yo}is not an issue.{ even with my salary from one job, id still make 2x more than he does{30000 vs 60000 }.2nd job is needed for middle class lifestyle in super expensive nj. my combined income for both jobs was 100000 .} i used to like this arrangement at first because one job was enough for us to live off of but i now am getting burned out from 2 jobs. he is also used to this arrangement and now doesnt want a job, he loves what he is doing and never wants a job again. i think i created a monster.i dont like this arrangement anymore but dont see a way out of it. any other couples where the wife works and the hubby is a homemaker? also sory for the long post but how do deal with the ignorance and generalizations about these type of relationships?

 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:23 PM
 
1,116 posts, read 2,951,358 times
Reputation: 1501
I'd move to a lower cost area to take the strain off of you. That way, you can drop one job, and your husband can ease into maybe doing something part time when he's not at home with the kids. It's scary to go back to work after having been out for a while..so take it slow with him. Just think of how you would want him to treat the situation if roles were reversed.
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:26 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,536,124 times
Reputation: 42762
^ I agree with Spiderbear. Did you recently move? If one income used to be enough, why did you have to take on a second job?
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Wicker Park, Chicago
4,789 posts, read 14,695,954 times
Reputation: 1966
Women like you... give me hope that I should marry women like you! A sugarmamma who takes care of her man! HE better be handsome for YA! - Or else why would you marry him? Is he a hottie?
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:48 PM
 
9,004 posts, read 13,755,150 times
Reputation: 9611
i am trying to move to a lower cost are but remember-as areas get lower, so do the wages. for the record, this may have been a problem with my upbringing more than being a sugarmomma- i was taught to marry for love and not for money. as stated otherwise, he is very, very sweet and cooks cleans, does laundry so i dont have to lift a finger in the home{i will admit i have not given the kids a bath in years.why? because when i say he does everything, he does everything. i come home and flop in bed with my meals ready,bathwater ready, clothes ironed for the next day,etc. we take care of each other. that being said, i could not believe on another thread housewives asking should they ask their husbands to help around the house? are these women stupid? he works all day, why should he!
 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:55 PM
 
Location: CA
3,467 posts, read 8,117,774 times
Reputation: 4840
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
but i now am getting burned out from 2 jobs. he is also used to this arrangement and now doesnt want a job, he loves what he is doing and never wants a job again. i think i created a monster.i dont like this arrangement anymore but dont see a way out of it. any other couples where the wife works and the hubby is a homemaker? also sory for the long post but how do deal with the ignorance and generalizations about these type of relationships?
What we would like to do and what is necessary to support a family, including supporting your spouse's emotional/physical health, are two different things.

If he cares about you, then he will suck it up & get a job so that you are not overtaxed. It's not all about him....he should be seriously considering your needs too. It's a luxury for one spouse to be able to stay home, so he should appreciate he had it good for awhile & can join reality with the rest of the middle class.

You should try an approach with him that emphasizes how tired you are and how you need him to help financially now. Play to his sympathies, don't get mad & make threats or anything like that. Unless he is a cold, selfish person, I don't see how he couldn't be moved to take some of the burden off his wife's shoulders.

Also: this would include you acknowledging that household duties would now be shared.
 
Old 05-04-2009, 08:17 PM
 
3,852 posts, read 12,828,358 times
Reputation: 2529
sorry sweetheart but you have kids to feed. You'll have to put in another 20 years or so.

Quote:
Women like you... give me hope that I should marry women like you! A sugarmamma who takes care of her man! HE better be handsome for YA! - Or else why would you marry him? Is he a hottie?
No kidding. I won't marry any girl unless she make 2x as me

Quote:
If he cares about you, then he will suck it up & get a job so that you are not overtaxed. It's not all about him....he should be seriously considering your needs too. It's a luxury for one spouse to be able to stay home, so he should appreciate he had it good for awhile & can join reality with the rest of the middle class.
Nope! He is a stay at home dad. His main focus should be providing for the needs of the kids. Going off and getting a little job is bad for the kids!

Quote:
If one income used to be enough, why did you have to take on a second job?
she said she wanted to be able to afford the middle class lifestyle. If she only had one job she would probably be living in the ghetto.
 
Old 05-04-2009, 08:34 PM
 
9,004 posts, read 13,755,150 times
Reputation: 9611
OK THE SECOND JOB IS BECAUSE, NORMALLY IN MOST STATES 60000 IS ENOUGH FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS LIFESTYLE BUT NOT IN NJ. YOU Would be definately in the ghetto with 60000. also prices for food,clothes has gone up. my med insurance went from 120 to 540 in one month.
 
Old 05-04-2009, 09:42 PM
 
1,354 posts, read 4,569,315 times
Reputation: 592
I can understand being burned out from working 2 full time jobs however, I think you both should sit down and figure out how to make it work with you working 1 full time job and maybe him taking a part time job. I think it would come down to deleting luxuries from the monthly expenses

He should probably think of doing something part-time from home, I mean once the children are old enough for school, at least he'll have something generating income during school hours

good luck.
 
Old 05-04-2009, 09:46 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,777 posts, read 13,497,633 times
Reputation: 6584
Screw that. Tell him he NEEDS to get a job, at least part-time, to help take the load off your back!
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