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I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded...I do feel better and I am not blaming myself anymore.
Please don't blame yourself. You actually did everything right.
1) You didn't let a guy in a new relationship pressure you to have sex when you weren't ready; 2) you waited until you felt the time was right and were comfortable; and 3) you spent enough time with him to feel like you could trust him and the situation. A lot of women don't have the guts to do that, and do get pressured into having sex before they want it. That's an individual choice, and you've shown that you're a strong individual.
Don't beat yourself up for your approach or timing or the actual "act". You stayed true to yourself; it's this guy who has the problem, not you. I hope you don't feel too badly, because it's not your fault. I have no idea why a guy would do this, but some behaviors defy explanation. I hope, at some time in the future, he gives you some explanation, so you can get some closure. But, in the meantime, I'd just regroup and look for someone else.
The key word here is "friends". Unless you use your REAL name here, we are all just strangers so you should have just used your "normal" profile name.
I still say it sounds bogus to me because you were so nice, prim and proper for three months by not having sex with this guy, then all of a sudden, on the internet you get all "ghetto Mo'Niqe" and start talking about your "vajajay malfunctioning" and doing three rounds in one night type of stuff. Pah-LEEEZ!!
Okay, this is the last time I'll address you maybe you just don't get it, that's the point you are all strangers....I'm not into telling my deepest darkest secrets to women/friends who may repeat information I don't want them to and save the "ghetto Mo'Niqe" insults....my post is genuine have a lovely day.
I am not a man to have emotional may be gig help for you. However I would like to tell you that such kind of people do not deserve any moment to be thought. The relations you had may be were somehow helpful for you not to feel very alone. However whenever happens something like that the opposite situation follows, such as love and care. Be positive there are good guys you will meet one
UPDATE: All right, again thanks to people who read the post; I am aware that you all are not my "friends" as DaBeez says and I am not giving my "normal" profile name but I still appreciate people taking the time to post it has really helped me. Anyway, I received two text messages from him this morning apologizing for not getting back with me....I'll have to ponder.
I am a 35 year old female. After being in a long term relationship for a few years I was celibate for about 2 and a half years; I wasn't threw with dating I just didn't want to jump into a sexual relationship. I take good care of myself, I am attractive and I like to think I have a great personality.
So here is my story, I will try to keep it PG-13: I met a 38 year old divorced father of (I'll leave that number blank) children (I have no kids). I enjoyed the conversation and his company he said the same. He wanted sex the first week we met...that was too soon for me. So after about 3 months of dating I finally felt comfortable enough to sleep with him (and no I wasn't trying to follow any 90 day no sex rule, that's just how long it took)...this was following a conversation where he said he really liked me & wanted to take things slow as to not ruin the friendship part (although he seemed to be in a rush the first week)...but after a night out he invited me back to his place and it happened.
The problem is after sleeping with me he has not called and did not respond to my one phone call....of course I am pissed and disappointed because I believed what he said......I'm feeling insecure because I hadn't had sex in over two years and I thought maybe it was me....maybe I wasn't good, like my vajayjay malfunctioned or something.......but we had sex twice that night...he was the one who intiated round two and wanted a third round but I had to leave...it was late and I had to get up early.
So for the men out there was it me???? I mean is a man going to want to have sex with a woman three times in a night if the sex isn't actually good to them. Yes I am hurt because he's ignoring me but this is making me feel really insecure. I know it's silly and I probably shouldnt care but this is a serious question. I don't have no-strings-attached sex so the no calling after sex thing has never happened to me; actually I haven't had that many sexual partners for my age. Thanks.
I think it was both of you that made the mistake. You both wanted sex and gave in to your desires. I think he knows that he went to far too fast. It had happened to me many years ago. I had a female friend which I enjoyed just hanging around with. One day when we were drunk she asked me if I wanted sex. I said yes and we made love for an hour or two, with no protection. That was a bad idea. She did not become pregnant but I did come inside her and later on later on wished I hadn't. She was pretty but I did to love her. I put some distance between myself and her for a while until we had a long talk. She saw it as sweet and fun but since I was very family and marriage oriented, the guilt of being with her out of marriage or even love was pretty strong.
I am a 35 year old female. After being in a long term relationship for a few years I was celibate for about 2 and a half years; I wasn't threw with dating I just didn't want to jump into a sexual relationship. I take good care of myself, I am attractive and I like to think I have a great personality.
So here is my story, I will try to keep it PG-13: I met a 38 year old divorced father of (I'll leave that number blank) children (I have no kids). I enjoyed the conversation and his company he said the same. He wanted sex the first week we met...that was too soon for me. So after about 3 months of dating I finally felt comfortable enough to sleep with him (and no I wasn't trying to follow any 90 day no sex rule, that's just how long it took)...this was following a conversation where he said he really liked me & wanted to take things slow as to not ruin the friendship part (although he seemed to be in a rush the first week)...but after a night out he invited me back to his place and it happened.
The problem is after sleeping with me he has not called and did not respond to my one phone call....of course I am pissed and disappointed because I believed what he said......I'm feeling insecure because I hadn't had sex in over two years and I thought maybe it was me....maybe I wasn't good, like my vajayjay malfunctioned or something.......but we had sex twice that night...he was the one who intiated round two and wanted a third round but I had to leave...it was late and I had to get up early.
So for the men out there was it me???? I mean is a man going to want to have sex with a woman three times in a night if the sex isn't actually good to them. Yes I am hurt because he's ignoring me but this is making me feel really insecure. I know it's silly and I probably shouldnt care but this is a serious question. I don't have no-strings-attached sex so the no calling after sex thing has never happened to me; actually I haven't had that many sexual partners for my age. Thanks.
I'm sorry I didnt call you back. I lost my cell phone. Ps--Your vajayjay worked just fine!!!!
He probably knew you wanted something more and just wanted to hit it and then quit it. Sorry to be rough around the edges but you asked. He already had a broken marriage/long term relationship with kids and probably now looks at women differently than he did before his "fairy tale" marriage/long term relationship with multiple kids fell through the cracks. He was in such a rush the first week because he found you physically appealing. You should probably thank him for not stringing you along for a few months and saying more BS in your ear making you believe things that aren't true. Then you would be 10x as hurt as you are now. Hit and Quit It. a lot of guys like to do this.
And you got the text messages again because he wants sex and his other options for sex fell through. Don't get it twisted. If you just want to bump uglies, then go for it!
UPDATE: All right, again thanks to people who read the post; I am aware that you all are not my "friends" as DaBeez says and I am not giving my "normal" profile name but I still appreciate people taking the time to post it has really helped me. Anyway, I received two text messages from him this morning apologizing for not getting back with me....I'll have to ponder.
Whoaaaa, slow down, pump the brakes here, and think about how insincere text messaging can be.
Here is my thought; I'm in my mid 20's and while many people my age constantly use facebook and myspace, i have yet to invest more than an hour of my time with it, despite everyone saying how great it is that you can stay in touch with friends. Why you ask...because i find it to be a cop-out on the commitment you make in being a "friend" . People will check your page that you havent talked to in a year, look at some pics, then type a 150 word blurb on your "wall", and think that counts as a fulfilling form of communication. If you want to know whats going on in my life or vice-versa, pick up the phone, its never to late to say 'hey'.
Have you ever seen the studies on communication? only 7% of communication is the actual words, the rest is tone of voice, voice inflections, and body language. In looking at just written words on a screen doesnt give you a clear picture of the intent or meaning of the words, they are just words. Its hard to tell what mood the person was in, or even if they are being sarcastic and now those stupid words on a screen have been misinterpreted into 10 possible things the writer could have ment.
Think about what you really saying when you you text someone, or post a comment on their profile, and there has been no communication between you for some time. To me it says 'hey, somehow i havent been able to find 5 MINUTES out of any day' (in your case a whole week, ryt?) where i could pick up the phone and just say hello. Then, to be even more audacious, and make all men look like we use women, he sends you a text, instead of calling????
Lets get real here...no matter if he was out of town, death in the family, or just sick, he knew you were calling, he knows that what he did was a shister move and now he's basically avoiding direct confrontation by sending you a text. What did it even say, "hey, how are you, ive been real busy, we should go out for dinner this week, if you want?" there isnt a good reason for not getting in touch with you. its one thing if its was the 3rd date and there wasnt an attraction, but 3 months of dating and then he 'all of a sudden' dissapears for a week....the night after you sleep together....hmmmm. A-HOLE! I hope you dont ponder it too long, all it will show him is that he can treat you like that. that he can walk in and out of the relationship whenever he wants and that you will still be waiting. He dropped the balll big-time and now its up to him to show you that he is sincere and wants to make a commitment to the relationship by investing time, energy, and his emotions; and texting someone is the quickest form of "wam, bam, thank you mam" there is.
Let us know, if you want, what he does to try and explain himself. I dont know how emotionally invested you are in the relationship, but sounds like he clearly isnt....
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Do not worry
Ps--Your vajayjay worked just fine!!!!
