is living with your parents a deal-breaker? (surrogate, guys, attracted)

[Thursday007]

I don't know if this was brought up, but in this ecomony and the high rate of foreclosures and lost employment, even whole families are moving back home with their parents, at least for a while and I don't belive anyone in that situation is proud of it.

However, I think age may have a factor too, I mean if you're 50 and still living at home because you need to be taken care of barring any physical ailment- yeah, that might be a deal breaker, but every situation is different and real specifics of that individual situation would have to be considered.

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by amsherwo

Hmm...that's a good question. It's mostly just my love of personal space and privacy---which we probably wouldn't have at his place if he lives with mommy and daddy---which probably means he'd end up at my house all the time...which just doesn't work for me. Sounds kind of petty, I know, and I don't mean to sound like that, it just wouldn't work for me.

Hi amsherwo,

One would not use the diminutive "mommy and daddy" to describe the arrangement unless they had contempt for it. Why are you trying to pass this off as a mere preference for privacy?

[amsherwo]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

I don't know if this was brought up, but in this ecomony and the high rate of foreclosures and lost employment, even whole families are moving back home with their parents, at least for a while and I don't belive anyone in that situation is proud of it.

However, I think age may have a factor too, I mean if you're 50 and still living at home because you need to be taken care of barring any physical ailment- yeah, that might be a deal breaker, but every situation is different and real specifics of that individual situation would have to be considered.

The OP is 25 and asked if he told a girl that he lived with his parents if it'd be a deal-breaker. From the perspective of this 25 year old girl, yes it would be. Understandably, the state of today's economy is a consideration, as is their age and other circumstances that could be driving them to need/want to live with their parents, but to me, whatever the reason, it is still a deal-breaker.

[amsherwo]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Hi amsherwo,

One would not use the diminutive "mommy and daddy" to describe the arrangement unless they had contempt for it. Why are you trying to pass this off as a mere preference for privacy?

I was using the terms mommy and daddy basically for ****s and giggles. I've been sick for 4 days and am not in a particularly good mood. Either way, if they live with their parents (at least in the area that I am from/living currently), it would be a deal breaker. The cost of living is not so high here that expecting a 25 year old to have his own place is ridiculous or anything.

[amsherwo]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Hi amsherwo,

One would not use the diminutive "mommy and daddy" to describe the arrangement unless they had contempt for it. Why are you trying to pass this off as a mere preference for privacy?

And it's not just a preference for privacy...it's a strong, deep-rooted desire to not have some guy crashing on my couch and watching my tv, eating my food, etc all the damn time b/c we can't go to his house b/c his parents are there.

[Thursday007]

Originally Posted by amsherwo

The OP is 25 and asked if he told a girl that he lived with his parents if it'd be a deal-breaker. From the perspective of this 25 year old girl, yes it would be. Understandably, the state of today's economy is a consideration, as is their age and other circumstances that could be driving them to need/want to live with their parents, but to me, whatever the reason, it is still a deal-breaker.

As I was reading your post I was considering my brother, in his early 30's, who travelled so much in his current job he was never home and spent considerable time in two different states he didn't even live it, he knew in 6 months he would be promoted to his new position, which would be in a permanent place and wanted to save for a house, so he ditched the apartment for six months and lived in a room at my mom's for 6 months, maybe home once or twice a month for 3-4 days (tho he paid her to do it) and now everything fell into place as planned. I don't know if that would be considered smart or irresponsiblle to someone he would date.

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by amsherwo

And it's not just a preference for privacy...it's a strong, deep-rooted desire to not have some guy crashing on my couch and watching my tv, eating my food, etc all the damn time b/c we can't go to his house b/c his parents are there.

Now we are getting somewhere. You have deep rooted assumptions about it. Your post was quite a mess trying to express a casual preferences but you failed to see the expressed contempt.

I am also amused that you would assume such a person would be lying on the couch. The only time I spent in a girls apartment was when I was fixing something of theirs. Of course I was not going out with them either, just helping. One girl I dated was not even allowed to come to my college apartment.

Now I did move out and live in Indy when I was 20. The I ended up moving back and went to college. I came back home to a bad economy and got into grad school. When my father had cancer shortly after, I dropped out and ran his business. After he died in six months, if I did not pay my mother rent to live there she, would lose the house. Mommy did clean up the dishes for me. I did the classic French cooking phase I was going through at the time. When she did get back on her feet from grandma's inheritance, I found my wife and blew some of my wad on world travel and a down payment.
Good luck with the bar fly in the efficiency.

[Mathguy]

Depends on the person and situation.

I have a friend whose former bf had his own place but only because his mom supported him. He kept saying he'd go back to school and do something with his life etc. but basically liked working part time and living a nice subsidized (by mom) lifestyle. No direction, no initiative.

Her current bf lives with his parents because he is going to school for a 2nd degree and works part-time as well.

As long as you have some direction\reason...school, saving for a house, perhaps helping the parents financially by paying them rent...and not living there because you get free food and can spend your paycheck from subway on pot and play xbox the rest of the time.

[amsherwo]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Now we are getting somewhere. You have deep rooted assumptions about it. Your post was quite a mess trying to express a casual preferences but you failed to see the expressed contempt.

I am also amused that you would assume such a person would be lying on the couch. The only time I spent in a girls apartment was when I was fixing something of theirs. Of course I was not going out with them either, just helping. One girl I dated was not even allowed to come to my college apartment.

Now I did move out and live in Indy when I was 20. The I ended up moving back and went to college. I came back home to a bad economy and got into grad school. When my father had cancer shortly after, I dropped out and ran his business. After he died in six months, if I did not pay my mother rent to live there she, would lose the house. Mommy did clean up the dishes for me. I did the classic French cooking phase I was going through at the time. When she did get back on her feet from grandma's inheritance, I found my wife and blew some of my wad on world travel and a down payment.
Good luck with the bar fly in the efficiency.

In my experience, the guy somehow always ends up staying at my house and living off of me. I wasn't trying to pass judgement on anybody, I was merely expressing my opinion on the question from the OP. Perhaps if I'd dated someone as handy as you, who was fixing things and contributing around the house, I'd have a little different opinion, but sorry, I don't due to my experiences with this.
Good luck with the bar fly in the efficiency? Wtf is that supposed to mean? I rarely go to bars, nor would I date someone I picked up in one. Nor do I live in an efficiency. I have always had, and do continue to have, a pretty sweet apartment---and it's a 2 bedroom, not an efficiency smartass lol

[NSX]

Originally Posted by amsherwo

In my experience, the guy somehow always ends up staying at my house and living off of me. I wasn't trying to pass judgement on anybody, I was merely expressing my opinion on the question from the OP. Perhaps if I'd dated someone as handy as you, who was fixing things and contributing around the house, I'd have a little different opinion, but sorry, I don't due to my experiences with this.
Good luck with the bar fly in the efficiency? Wtf is that supposed to mean? I rarely go to bars, nor would I date someone I picked up in one. Nor do I live in an efficiency. I have always had, and do continue to have, a pretty sweet apartment---and it's a 2 bedroom, not an efficiency smartass lol

You do realize, as sweet as your apartment is, that it's not really yours. It's just the apartment holding company's. I've never understood spending a lot of money on a fancy apartment, it's just that much more money that you're throwing away. Just something to think about before passing judgment on people who choose not to rent.