Will anyone admit they love their husband/wife more than their kids?

[PurpleLove08]

I know some people who don't want kids because they feel it would ruin their relationship with their spouse.

I do not want kids for a variety of reasons and I know I couldn't be a good girlfriend to my girlfriend if we had kids. I would be tired, frustrated, etc so it's just easier to decide we don't want kids rather than to sacrifice our relationship, finances, free time, etc.

[jennaflorrie]

Is the OP worried about something?

That said Mother Love is (hopefully)the strongest love on earth. But there are other types of love and the love you have for your husband/wife is so different to a Mothers love - How can you compare........? Its not that one is stronger, though sometimes it is, just that it is totally different.

[Organized Mess]

Originally Posted by Giesela

I just heard an NPR interview with a woman who wrote a book
Ayelet Waldman's Memoir of a Bad Mother
Ayelet Waldman's Memoir Of A 'Bad Mother' : NPR

where she recounts an assignment her editor gave her on married couples sex life because she was the only one in the office who still had a good sex life. She says something about although she loves her kids like crazy - she hasn't shifted her whole self and life and married relationship to them like many women seem to do.
I don't mean to poke sticks at anyone particular posting here, but over the years I've found it interesting that all the parents who confidently, loudly and boldly gush that they would give their lives for their children - dont even seem to be able to stay married for their children (or give up many other foibles that impact their childrens well-being). I'm not saying they wouldn't jump into a river to save their kid, I'm saying I'm not sure how big a deal that is compared to all the other sacrifices in the day to day grind of family relationships and child rearing.
I feel that kids will generally raise themselves given the basics, most importantly good role models.

In other words, if parents have a great loving marriage I think the children have a better chance of having one over kids who have two separate parents who don't have a great loving marriage that dote on the kids separately.

I was just thinking about her when I saw this post. I remembered her from years ago on Oprah, talking about her beliefs (and the backlash) and how it has made her a better wife and mother. I can honestly say that as a single woman hooked on the "Carrie Bradshaw" ideal of life (i.e. singledom forever, kids never; a generalization I know, but work with me), I found her attitude refreshing and inspiring.

Here's a link to her NYT article that caused such an uproar:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/27/fa...ewanted=1&_r=1

[The Man in SATX]

Originally Posted by Rhett_Butler

You have statistics on this??? No??? didn't think so.

I apologize to all here for my previous response. I'll give the PC answer:

"OMG!!! I cannot believe that this question would be asked!!! Dear me don't you understand that the types of relationships are different and that we love ALL of our family 100% equally, but differently??!! That you would ask this screams that you simply don't understand the family dynamic or life in general!!!"

Whatever, gag me...... When I answer a question like this I search my soul and give a 100% honest answer after deep consideration...

Honestly (since we're being judgemental on each other's answers and all) I find it pathetic that you think great love for one's children is somehow wasted since kids go on to lead their own lives when they move out.... HOW that child or children lead their lives IS the reward. We don't do it to reap some great benefit FROM our kids later or because we expect anything in return......

Beyond that there is some sort of assumption that one who admits to a greater love for one's children MUST do so in lieu of loving their spouse... Not sure where you found that inferred in the question, but your criticisms imply that this is how you see it....

I dont need statistics.. I am one of em.. I lived this life.. my wife put my kids in front of me.. and now we are divorced because of it.. why would I need statistics?? I am not trying to quote that 46.589 % of the world will succumb to this.. nope thats not what I am trying to say.. what I am saying is.. I agree with what is said.. because I lived it

[Giesela]

Originally Posted by andreaspercheron

I love my kids more than my SO. I love him too but there is a love between mother and child that cannot be compared to. I'd give my life in a second for my kids and would do anything for them. No offense but anyone who says they love their spouse or SO more than their kids has some real issues.

I know this is sort of off topic but I have to say that I hear this "I would give my life for my kid" thing all the time and its just so meaningless.
Wouldn't most adults risk their lives to save a kid? Any kid? And yet many adults who get all misty eyed about this hallmark sentiment don't even stay married for their kids. I mean isn't staying married to someone you don't love giving up your life for your kid? Divorce is hard on kids right? And you only have to give up your life till their 18 - but nope, people won't do it.
Not picking on the poster just taking the opportunity to say that generally I think this is often not really given much thought and tends to be bs.
I think that spouses that put each other first are sometimes better parents by default than the other way around. Provide a good example of a loving relationship, shelter, food, safety a few guidelines and kids will practically raise themselves AND be more likely to have a loving adult relationship themselves. Loving your kids more than your spouse is more about you than your kids.

[clongirl]

I think it's tremendously important to love your spouse first and foremost. This is the foundation of a good, healthy marriage. This is the person that you've chosen to live as your best friend, confidante, lover, partner in life, support system etc.

A parents job is to guide, discipline, care for, and teach through modeling, how to be in a loving and healthy relationship. This cannot happen when the parent forgets about the life partner and dotes on the kids. This is why men stray and women get depressed and ultimately feel unfulfilled (especially when the kids grow up, move out, and form their own relationships).

I have four wonderful children whom I love very much. But my marriage comes first.. It's not really about husband vs. kids, but putting partner first, so the kids will feel safe and secure and have self esteem from watching the parents interact.

[teatime]

Kids are smart little critters and they absolutely know how to play mummy and daddy to get what they want. I have friends whose kid is purposely driving a wedge between them. He wants mum "all to himself" cuz mum lets him get away with murder and makes excuses for him. I've pointed this out to my friend and she agrees but will do nothing about it.

The marriage, predictably enough, is on the rocks. Soon, my friend may have to deal with the little monster she created all by herself and, frankly, I won't feel sorry for her.

[Faithi]

Originally Posted by Padgett2

The happiest marriages are built around loving the spouse and the children differently, not equally.

With children, love includes discipline and protection, guidance toward decisions. Try that kind of love on a spouse and see what kind of marriage you have.

I love my child more than my husband. He knows it. But what you said makes so much sense to me. I know have the words to express what I feel to my husband.

[Faithi]

Originally Posted by clongirl

I think it's tremendously important to love your spouse first and foremost. This is the foundation of a good, healthy marriage. This is the person that you've chosen to live as your best friend, confidante, lover, partner in life, support system etc.

A parents job is to guide, discipline, care for, and teach through modeling, how to be in a loving and healthy relationship. This cannot happen when the parent forgets about the life partner and dotes on the kids. This is why men stray and women get depressed and ultimately feel unfulfilled (especially when the kids grow up, move out, and form their own relationships).

I have four wonderful children whom I love very much. But my marriage comes first.. It's not really about husband vs. kids, but putting partner first, so the kids will feel safe and secure and have self esteem from watching the parents interact.

That sounds so hard. In what ways do you put the marriage first? I want to learn.

[Serafinez]

I agree to loving the spouse first and foremost. I don't have any kids yet so I may change my opinion. But children come from the love you have with your spouse. They come as a result of that love.

I really have to agree with clongirl on this one. My husband on the other hand seems to be the kids above everything kind. Which really really bugs me. He doesn't seem to realize that if there's no happiness, sex and bonding in our marriage, our kids would just grow up with two single parents in the same house. I grew up in a broken family as a kid, and I really really wish I'd seen my parents act like a couple at least once. It would have made me much more happy and secure.