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Have a few questions at the end. This is a story of moving too quickly in a new friendship and scaring the other person off.
I met this woman about 3 months ago. We live about 3 hours apart. We had met several times, communicated daily thru many lengthy emails and spoke by phone frequently. We are both looking for the same thing - long term, and we got along very well. We enjoyed each others company, were relaxed and comfortable with each other and had uncannily similar views, goals and plans. She has very strong Christian beliefs, which is one thing that I admire in her. She made it clear she liked me and would often call me, as well as send me flattering emails. She was not anywhere head over heels gaga, but I picked up signals that she definitely had interest in me. It was mutual and I felt based on what I know, that we are very compatible on most things.
Anyway, I invited her to my town for last weekend and had a number of activities including dinner and a show lined up. We were both looking forward to it and the weekend started great. Conversation went well, great banter, etc. We talked late into the night Friday and I think I blew it. She asked me what I thought of her and where we were headed. No, I did not say I was head over heels in love with her, even though she knows I like her. What I did say was I felt I knew in my heart that she and I could have a great life together and that I felt she had everything I was looking for in a woman. I did not want to scare her off with the L word or try to lay claims, propose or set any timetables. We are both middle aged and I told her I am not a starry eyed 21 year old, that I have lived enough of life to know what is right for me.
Anyway she agreed we are very compatible but she needs more time to make sure she feels it in her heart. The evening wrapped up and the next day started out fine. However later in the day I sensed her drawing back. That evening went we went out to dinner, she said she had headaches all day over this and gave me the infamous "I just want to be friends" talk. She repeated several times over the evening she was not writing me off but wanted to be friends for now. It was a tense evening and I admit, I pleaded my case a bit too much. I did try to make conversation about other things and joke a bit, but it was like a cloud hanging over the conversation.
At the end of the evening she stated part of her really wants to have a relationship with me but her heart does not feel certainty about it yet. She said she would not commit to any man until she felt a peaceful certainty in her heart. I agreed and said I understood and that, that is how it should be.
She cancelled the last day's activities and went home early, saying she needed to unwind and relax before the start of the week. She and I have not communicated since then, so I do not know if she has totally written me off or she just needs to think a bit. I have resisted the temptation to contact her since then because I want to give her some space and not make it look like I am stalking her, which I am not.
So the questions....
1. Has she written me off or does she really want to continue a friendship?
2. I want to send a card or note, expressing wanting to continue a friendship. I truly think I may have rushed things and am fine with just being friends with no pressure, etc.
3. What is the best action I can take to mend or address this with her?
Ever heard that saying, "nice guys finish last." You are a good example of that.
Oh yea and let me tell you, if she put you in the friend zone. I am sorry buddy but for whatever reason she is NOT sexually attracted to you. You blew it. When a girl gives you the friends talk it is basically a female's version of saying, "I am not sexually attracted to you but I don't mind all the attention and goodies you are giving me." She probably feels you are better off as her gay friend, you know, the guy who always listens to her, treats her nice, buys her stuff, and listens about all the other bad boys she banged.
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She has very strong Christian beliefs,
Don't be deceived by that. Lots of women put up a good show about how they are good spirited blah blah but their actions paint another picture. I am sorry but I am not buying the whole, "I am a born again virgin" line. I had a girl who gave me that line who was trying to get serious with me. She told me that after I had saw a bunch of pictures on her facebook partying, clubbing etc. I just wanted her as a FWB but, "she wasn't into that anymore." I got out of there FAST.
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1. Has she written me off or does she really want to continue a friendship?
She probably wants you as a friend ONLY not as a boyfriend. So If you had plans for a LTR, move on. This girl isn't the one. You'll only get pissed off when you are trying to woe her and then she ends up going for some other dude. Bottom line: move on.
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2. I want to send a card or note, expressing wanting to continue a friendship. I truly think I may have rushed things and am fine with just being friends with no pressure, etc.
Buddy just move on. It doesn't matter how long you wait, she will never be your girlfriend. If you are looking for LTR trust me, there are women lined up around he block looking for the same thing. They're 28, done banging every guy on the block and now they want to settle down get married and have kids. Thats where you come in to do the heavy lifting.
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3. What is the best action I can take to mend or address this with her?
Phone call. Do understand though, she said she only wants to be friends. She told you everything you need to know. If she sees you again she won't treat you like relationship material anymore (kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc.). Rather she will treat you like all the rest of her asexual friends.
If it has been a few days, go ahead and give her a call. Tell her what you've said here: that you just wanted to let her know that it was safe for her to get emotionally invested in you because you were feeling the same way. Also let her knoe that you will respect her need for space and you are comfortable moving at her pace.
If it has been a few days, go ahead and give her a call. Tell her what you've said here: that you just wanted to let her know that it was safe for her to get emotionally invested in you because you were feeling the same way. Also let her knoe that you will respect her need for space and you are comfortable moving at her pace.
she already said she doesn't want to get emotionally invested with this guy. That is why she only wants to be friends, what do you think that means?
You could say that but don't sit around waiting for her to change her mind. In the mean time talk with other girls and the such. More than one girl out there.
Have a few questions at the end. This is a story of moving too quickly in a new friendship and scaring the other person off.
I met this woman about 3 months ago. We live about 3 hours apart. We had met several times, communicated daily thru many lengthy emails and spoke by phone frequently. We are both looking for the same thing - long term, and we got along very well. We enjoyed each others company, were relaxed and comfortable with each other and had uncannily similar views, goals and plans. She has very strong Christian beliefs, which is one thing that I admire in her. She made it clear she liked me and would often call me, as well as send me flattering emails. She was not anywhere head over heels gaga, but I picked up signals that she definitely had interest in me. It was mutual and I felt based on what I know, that we are very compatible on most things.
Anyway, I invited her to my town for last weekend and had a number of activities including dinner and a show lined up. We were both looking forward to it and the weekend started great. Conversation went well, great banter, etc. We talked late into the night Friday and I think I blew it. She asked me what I thought of her and where we were headed. No, I did not say I was head over heels in love with her, even though she knows I like her. What I did say was I felt I knew in my heart that she and I could have a great life together and that I felt she had everything I was looking for in a woman. I did not want to scare her off with the L word or try to lay claims, propose or set any timetables. We are both middle aged and I told her I am not a starry eyed 21 year old, that I have lived enough of life to know what is right for me.
Anyway she agreed we are very compatible but she needs more time to make sure she feels it in her heart. The evening wrapped up and the next day started out fine. However later in the day I sensed her drawing back. That evening went we went out to dinner, she said she had headaches all day over this and gave me the infamous "I just want to be friends" talk. She repeated several times over the evening she was not writing me off but wanted to be friends for now. It was a tense evening and I admit, I pleaded my case a bit too much. I did try to make conversation about other things and joke a bit, but it was like a cloud hanging over the conversation.
At the end of the evening she stated part of her really wants to have a relationship with me but her heart does not feel certainty about it yet. She said she would not commit to any man until she felt a peaceful certainty in her heart. I agreed and said I understood and that, that is how it should be.
She cancelled the last day's activities and went home early, saying she needed to unwind and relax before the start of the week. She and I have not communicated since then, so I do not know if she has totally written me off or she just needs to think a bit. I have resisted the temptation to contact her since then because I want to give her some space and not make it look like I am stalking her, which I am not.
So the questions....
1. Has she written me off or does she really want to continue a friendship?
2. I want to send a card or note, expressing wanting to continue a friendship. I truly think I may have rushed things and am fine with just being friends with no pressure, etc.
3. What is the best action I can take to mend or address this with her?
Do nothing because anything you do at this point makes you look desparate - the kiss of death in a woman's mind. We can forgive a lot of things, but when a man looks desparate we are soooooo checked out of there.
Go on with your life - let her miss you a bit, she might come back around. But don't count on it okay?
I don't think you can do anything . She doesn't feel it and maybe she hasn't written you off but now she feels that if she does make contact with you that you will just get your hopes up. That's why she probably wont call you again. Let her go and get a new gf. Good luck.
Look - I am just a guy. In my day I did fairly well with women (who were more lady like than not - I was the guy mom warned them about)
If you spoke with her in the same way as you posted this topic - you are the problem.
There were not comments about HER. In order to have a gal want you - you have to be wantable. Women like a little mystery and it sounds like you dumped an overload of info.
Want to try to fix it? Find a fun thing to do with some friends (mixed group of married, single, and kids) that is 1/2 way between you and her and ask if she wants to have a little change of pace and join the party.
she already said she doesn't want to get emotionally invested with this guy. That is why she only wants to be friends, what do you think that means?
She might be saying that to slow things down a bit. Maybe she had a bad relationship experience and is not ready to enter into another one.
I would say, be her friend for right now, don't put pressure on her for anything more right now. Even it's that all that comes from the relationship (friendship), that's still a good thing, right?
Have a few questions at the end. This is a story of moving too quickly in a new friendship and scaring the other person off.
I met this woman about 3 months ago. We live about 3 hours apart. We had met several times, communicated daily thru many lengthy emails and spoke by phone frequently. We are both looking for the same thing - long term, and we got along very well. We enjoyed each others company, were relaxed and comfortable with each other and had uncannily similar views, goals and plans. She has very strong Christian beliefs, which is one thing that I admire in her. She made it clear she liked me and would often call me, as well as send me flattering emails. She was not anywhere head over heels gaga, but I picked up signals that she definitely had interest in me. It was mutual and I felt based on what I know, that we are very compatible on most things.
Anyway, I invited her to my town for last weekend and had a number of activities including dinner and a show lined up. We were both looking forward to it and the weekend started great. Conversation went well, great banter, etc. We talked late into the night Friday and I think I blew it. She asked me what I thought of her and where we were headed. No, I did not say I was head over heels in love with her, even though she knows I like her. What I did say was I felt I knew in my heart that she and I could have a great life together and that I felt she had everything I was looking for in a woman. I did not want to scare her off with the L word or try to lay claims, propose or set any timetables. We are both middle aged and I told her I am not a starry eyed 21 year old, that I have lived enough of life to know what is right for me.
Anyway she agreed we are very compatible but she needs more time to make sure she feels it in her heart. The evening wrapped up and the next day started out fine. However later in the day I sensed her drawing back. That evening went we went out to dinner, she said she had headaches all day over this and gave me the infamous "I just want to be friends" talk. She repeated several times over the evening she was not writing me off but wanted to be friends for now. It was a tense evening and I admit, I pleaded my case a bit too much. I did try to make conversation about other things and joke a bit, but it was like a cloud hanging over the conversation.
At the end of the evening she stated part of her really wants to have a relationship with me but her heart does not feel certainty about it yet. She said she would not commit to any man until she felt a peaceful certainty in her heart. I agreed and said I understood and that, that is how it should be.
She cancelled the last day's activities and went home early, saying she needed to unwind and relax before the start of the week. She and I have not communicated since then, so I do not know if she has totally written me off or she just needs to think a bit. I have resisted the temptation to contact her since then because I want to give her some space and not make it look like I am stalking her, which I am not.
So the questions....
1. Has she written me off or does she really want to continue a friendship?
2. I want to send a card or note, expressing wanting to continue a friendship. I truly think I may have rushed things and am fine with just being friends with no pressure, etc.
3. What is the best action I can take to mend or address this with her?
She got scared and I feel something in the middle of everything between her and you during your time together made her feel this was not for her. If she has not gotten back with you, she has backed off and played it safe. How do I know this? I have done the same thing she did to you.
Your time together may start off well but if one of you begin coming off strong at the early part of getting to know one another in person, one of you may run for the hills. I feel it is best to keep everything light, no touchy feely stuff for a bit until you are both totally relaxed with one another. Am I making sense.
I have found most of the time before meeting someone up close and personal, I am relaxed and more myself and its more relaxing and fun and neither one of us are committed. Its that ultimate meeting that is the tell tell sign if its right.
I get turned off when the guy starts the kissing and hugging thing right off the bat. At our age or my age, I want to go slow and easy. We don't have time to make another mistake in our life because life is way too short.
Don't be insulted please. We just are not sure how to interact all over again at our age. This is my thoughts and I am sticking to it.
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How do I know this? 
I have done the same thing she did to you. 
