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Yeah, actually, from what you've posted all this time, right from the VERY first time you mentioned about "is this cheating", up to this current thread, it seems that you are torturing your hubby w/ the constant reminder of what he did, which "you" considered as cheating.
If you constantly go on here to rehash your wounds, over and over and over and over again, I could imagine how much more often you make your husband feel guilty for what he did, despite the fact that YOU went back to him and YOU decided to work on the marriage.
If you REALLY want to make your marriage work out, then QUIT picking on your old dried up wound. If you start picking on it, the old dried up wound would end up bleeding again. (I can't believe I have to use a physical wound mark as a metaphor to make you "get it").
Do you want your marriage to bleed from past mishaps? Considering that you keep repeating after yourself so often, I take it that you would rather BE RIGHT in everything, rather than finding a common solution to work on your marriage. Nobody is right all the time sweetie!
LOL, I don't even talk to him about it. How can I be torturing him
It's far from an old dried up wound. I woulnd't hurt if it were.
LOL, I don't even talk to him about it. How can I be torturing him
It's far from an old dried up wound. I woulnd't hurt if it were.
Ok, so then YOUR idea of resolving this marital problem of yours is to keep venting about it? Hmmm, that sounds like a good idea -- keep talking about your problems until all of our ears bleed from your sob story. (sarcasm).
Man, would I wish to be in your counselor's shoes, that way I could make some extravagant $$$$$ because you seem to like talking over and over about your problems. But hey, at least you're doing a good cause for the psychiatrist community -- you would be able to feed their kids' college tuition if you keep this up .
Ok, so then YOUR idea of resolving this marital problem of yours is to keep venting about it? Hmmm, that sounds like a good idea -- keep talking about your problems until all of our ears bleed from your sob story. (sarcasm).
Man, would I wish to be in your counselor's shoes, that way I could make some extravagant $$$$$ because you seem to like talking over and over about your problems. But hey, at least you're doing a good cause for the psychiatrist community -- you would be able to feed their kids' college tuition if you keep this up .
Nah, we deal mostly with dh's problems in counseling. One of which is not wanting to talk about the OW or his affair.
See, you just proved me correct: you only listen to those that agree with you.
???? It's polite to thank someone for support. If I were only listening to posts by those I agree with, they'd be the only one's I answer. And, yes, I disagree with the ones I disagree with. That's kind of what disagreeing is all about.
???? It's polite to thank someone for support. If I were only listening to posts by those I agree with, they'd be the only one's I answer. And, yes, I disagree with the ones I disagree with. That's kind of what disagreeing is all about.
Read after my post one more time (since you like to repeat): you only listen to those advice that match your own pre-determined advice. You say you're here for "advice", but it's clear you are here for some sort of vindication, or approval of your own thoughts.
Read after my post one more time (since you like to repeat): you only listen to those advice that match your own pre-determined advice. You say you're here for "advice", but it's clear you are here for some sort of vindication, or approval of your own thoughts.
I agree with what I agree with and disagree with what I disagree with just like everyone.
Obviously, I listen to both because I answer both types of posts. I just disagree with the ones I disagree with. If by "listening" you mean agree, then yes, I only agree with the ones I agree with. That's kind of how it works.
I agree with what I agree with and disagree with what I disagree with just like everyone.
Obviously, I listen to both because I answer both types of posts.
Just because you responded to all posts does not mean you take everything into consideration. You obviously don't listen or even read what you wrote.
Let's see: the very first thread you have was titled, "IS THIS CHEATING?", with you explaining that AFTER you filed for divorce, your husband (thinking that the marriage is over anyways) went ahead and went on a date. YOu consider that action alone as cheating, and you already have a predetermined thought in your head that what he did is what you considered as cheating. Yet, you came out "asking": "Is this Cheating?" YOu put that question, but all the posts indicate that you already HAVE labeled his action as "cheating" and then you went on to DISagree and argued with everyone that considered his action as NOT cheating.
You're misleading yourself. Why coudn't you just come out and say, "Hey, my husband went on a date AFTER I filed for divorce, and I consider this cheating. What should I do?" But nope, you asked a question "Is this Cheating?", not knowing that you would also get people telling you that what he did is not considered cheating. You "appreciate" comments from people who agree with your opinion (ie, that his action is called "cheating"), and continuously argue with those that don't agree with you (me included).
Nice try, IVORY, but you're not fooling anyone. Why can't you just own up to your own decisions and opinions, instead of wasting everyone's time on here by asking a question that YOU already know the answer that YOU want?
Nah, we deal mostly with dh's problems in counseling. One of which is not wanting to talk about the OW or his affair.
Well then Ivory, it's time you got some equal airspace.
Flipperrx, I mean that ^^^ in the most respectful way. Which brings me to my next point. I think, that if you really read this thread, and perhaps some others; you would perhaps retract your statement above that has lumped us all together. There are many, many people on here who have been supportive and/or respectful - I am most certainly one of them.
Ivory said it perfectly a few posts ago: "that's kind of what disagreeing is all about". She's entitled to her take; just as the most vehement on here are entitled to theirs. I've seen very little of what I would regard as "personal attacks" on this heated thread. Until perhaps, a generalization is made that pages and pages of posters are all a bunch of bullies.
Well then Ivory, it's time you got some equal airspace.
Flipperrx, I mean that ^^^ in the most respectful way. Which brings me to my next point. I think, that if you really read this thread, and perhaps some others; you would perhaps retract your statement above that has lumped us all together. There are many, many people on here who have been supportive and/or respectful - I am most certainly one of them.
Ivory said it perfectly a few posts ago: "that's kind of what disagreeing is all about". She's entitled to her take; just as the most vehement on here are entitled to theirs. I've seen very little of what I would regard as "personal attacks" on this heated thread. Until perhaps, a generalization is made that pages and pages of posters are all a bunch of bullies.
Read the rest of the thread. I've been called more than one name here. I've been told I don't have a brain and that I torture my husband among other things.
Mine is an unpopular view because I'm not taking the easy way out. I'm not leaving because I might be happier if I did. I'm not chasing my own happiness. There are others to consider.
As to my husband, if he's being tortured he knows where the door is. The fact he stays is telling WRT my, supposed, torturing the man. Unfortunately, he also knows where the door is if he finds someone else again. That one he just might do. He did it once and history has this nasty habit of repeating itself.
I'm not sure what to do so I'll take the path that does the least damage for now. He doesn't want to talk about the OW and I'm not sure that talking about her would even do any good. It's not like affairs can be explained away. Fortunately, that's the one thing the counselor is adamant about. That they can't be explained away or blamed on your spouse. They're all your doing. Adversity doesn't create character, it reveals it.
It's difficult when you lived in the same environment/relationship as the one who chose to cheat but never cheated yourself. You know too well that there were other choices besides cheating but cheating is hte one he chose. It would have been simpler if he'd never come back. I don't get why he did. He had her and she's what he wanted. I'll have to assume he's here because he doesn't want to put the kids through a divorce too. I can't think of another reason someone who cheated would come back other than that.
Read the rest of the thread. I've been called more than one name here. I've been told I don't have a brain and that I torture my husband among other things.
I have read the rest of the thread. I read everything before I posted. Just saying 1), it would be nice for you and or flipperrx to acknowledge that you have r'cvd. some compassion on this thread by many; and 2), that many of us, especially early on, when the snow was still fresh on the ground ...were a heckuva lot more supportive than "we" collectively are now!
I realize no one, including you and me, has to keep posting on this thread. We can simply hit unsubscribe & be done with it. This is a forum...we post! If Dear Abbey was this easy to reach, I'd send her this link & ask her to take over!
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...were a heckuva lot more supportive than "we" collectively are now! 
