Like Attracts Like/Opposites Attract--We know what THEY say... (dating, movies, marry)

[Whyte Byrd]

What do you say? Which category does your current relationship fall under and what was most common with your past relationships?

I honestly can't decide on mine so I'm interested to see how you define yours.

On second thought, I think it's confusing because we're alike in so many ways and different in so many ways but I'll have to side with like attracts like over all.

[DennyCrane]

I've been with people who were like me and people who were the complete opposite. People say opposites attract and it's often true. But no one's ever coined the phrase "Opposites last." I'm sure there are people out there that are opposites and they've made it work. But I think they're the exception to the rule. In the long run, I think it's better to be with someone more like you, but different enough where you balance each other, don't get bored and don't reinforce each others' bad qualities.

[BLAZER PROPHET]

It's a little of both. In some ways we need mates who have some common bonds to share. On the other hand, it's what is opposite that can be intersting and keep things new.

[JustJulia]

I agree with Denny.

I wouldn't have wanted to marry a clone of myself, but really the only ways my husband and I are radically different, enough to garner the word "opposites," is that he loves skiing and horror movies.

[Niftybergin]

My ex-husband was very different from me. He was logical, whereas I am more emotional. He was very linear and methodical, whereas I can be more "fly by the seat of my pants." He was reserved, whereas I can be more effusive and sociable. We liked different things: books, sports, etc.

When we first started dating, I was actually really happy that we were different in so many ways. I felt that he could maybe tone down my excesses, and that likewise I could possibly galvanize him to loosen up a bit.

The problem for us, though -- which I didn't realize until "too late" -- was that he didn't have the same appreciation for my differences that I did for his. I saw the ways he was different from me as a good thing. I anticpated that he would rub off on me in positive ways. He, on the other hand, saw the ways I was different from him as profound defects in my character. Before too long, our opposite-ness became a curse and a divisive wedge in our relationship.

Going forward, I think I'd probably gravitate toward someone who is more like myself, but still different from me in various ways. After all, if I want someone exactly like myself, I'll just stay single. But I also think that I'll make sure that he sees my different-ness -- OUR different-ness -- as a good thing. Then again, I tend to be more jaded these days. Nowadays I'm looking for compatibility, affection, kindness, and respect moreso than passion and "love." (I don't really think I trust this concept of "love.")

[DennyCrane]

I think a big part of why people are attracted to their opposite is what Niftybergin brought up. You see someone who has qualities that you wish you had and you hope that they'll rub off on you. But part of being in a relationship means accepting people the way they are. You can go in hoping that person might be influenced by you or you may even tell yourself you'll be able to change them. That's a mistake too many people make.

[ExPit]

I think the reason why this is a confusing subject is because the answer is split down the middle. You have to have enough in common so that you can relate on many levels, and enough that is different so that you don't implode.