Relationships SUCK! (wife, married, women, love)

[Boneheaded]

So I woke up this morning to a really long email from the woman I had an affair with talking about how we were so happy. She was saying how she misses just being able to laugh with me. How she feels like she doesn't have anyone to talk to about life. She was talking about the really fun times we had. She basically just told me every reason why she loves and misses me. I am talking about 4 pages typed recounting how she felt when we started having an affair, about how I made her feel. She was telling me how much I helped her grow, and realize she is a person of worth. She is making this really hard on me. I am not a big crier but this has nearly brought me to tears at least ten times. She made a little video telling me that I will always be in her heart and that no matter how much time goes by her love for me will never fade. I feel like such a wimp getting all teared up. Help! Tell me something that can make it stop hurting. Am I making a huge mistake telling her it can't work? I feel sick from all this. I have been having intestine issues and feel like I am going to throw up.

[At1WithNature]

Wow, that sounds like love man but I don't know your reasons for not thinking that it will work. obviously, this woman loves every single thing about you...I think I'd have to at least see her for lunch but again I don't know your reasons for thinking it will not work.

[BLAZER PROPHET]

Well, if this is a married woman and you had an "affair", then you're both idiots and you're helped sink a marriage.

On the other hand, if you're both single and you simply want to end the realtionship, then do so. It takes two to make the best of relationships. She sounds a bit clingy, but she'll get over it in time.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

So I woke up this morning to a really long email from the woman I had an affair with talking about how we were so happy. She was saying how she misses just being able to laugh with me. How she feels like she doesn't have anyone to talk to about life. She was talking about the really fun times we had. She basically just told me every reason why she loves and misses me. I am talking about 4 pages typed recounting how she felt when we started having an affair, about how I made her feel. She was telling me how much I helped her grow, and realize she is a person of worth. She is making this really hard on me. I am not a big crier but this has nearly brought me to tears at least ten times. She made a little video telling me that I will always be in her heart and that no matter how much time goes by her love for me will never fade. I feel like such a wimp getting all teared up. Help! Tell me something that can make it stop hurting. Am I making a huge mistake telling her it can't work? I feel sick from all this. I have been having intestine issues and feel like I am going to throw up.

I forget all the previous info, sorry.
Has she divorced? She is also about 15 years younger right?
What kind of woman is she? Was it really your only interest in her was sex?

[moonshadow]

I take it you've only just read this email?

Sounds like a huge shock and not what you were expecting when you got up this morning. Go make cawfee and maybe type some more about what you think of it all. It's going to take a little bit of time to process.

What you do now, whether you respond or not, is not my call to make but perhaps if you talk it through a little more here you'll at least be able to decide after you've worked through some of the emotions it has obviously dragged up.

[Boneheaded]

I am now legally separated from my wife and in the process of a divorce. She was married but has been divorced now for about a month.

As I have said before affairs are totally wrong. I am not making any case for it being OK.

Both of our marriages were done except the paperwork when we met. Neither one of us divorced for the other one.

As far as why I think it won't work. We met cheating... I mean every time I have to go out of town or she has to work late, we will both be questioning if the other is with someone else. IDK maybe that would fade. Everyone I have talked to about relationships have said it is best to be alone for a while between relationships. I am really questioning my decision this morning.

[moonshadow]

Do you have to make any decisions straight away?

[Boneheaded]

Originally Posted by Mathguy

I forget all the previous info, sorry.
Has she divorced? She is also about 15 years younger right?
What kind of woman is she? Was it really your only interest in her was sex?

She is 9 years younger. No the only interest was not sex. We were platonic for a year and a half before we were ever intimate.

She is a pretty normal woman. Hahahaha. IDK. She is very caring, a great mother, very intelligent, fragile at times, strong as a rock at others. She is really damn funny, loves to laugh, works hard, is finishing her degree. She is beautiful, sexy as hell, great in bed. She has made me laugh more than any other woman I have been with. She is devoted and loyal. I know that sounds crazy talking about a woman who had an affair but she really is.

Now for the not so good traits. She has been in several abusive relationships. Her view of her self was very low when we met. She has been emotionally and physically abused by both of her SO's. The baggage that comes along with her past is mainly insecurity and a fear of talking about things that might upset me. I have never raised my voice at her, she is just shell shocked and scared to bring out in me what she has seen in her past relationships. She has not lied to me but will hold something in for a while until I drag it out of her. At times she can be very emotional and tear up at the drop of a hat. Mostly during that time of the month but I can't seem to find a way to comfort her during these times.

Yes this mornings email brought up alot I have been trying to burry in an effort to focus on my kids and completing the divorce. As far as responding goes, I called her after I watched the video, and listened to her cry for a few mins before she said she has to go. I feel like a total ass for making her feel like this. I told her I understand how she feels and then she finished the sentence for me "but it doesn't change anything." The flood gates opened and I could not understand what she was saying. She said she will call later when she has calmed down.

F*** relationships! Where can I sign up to be a unich?

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by Boneheaded

I am now legally separated from my wife and in the process of a divorce. She was married but has been divorced now for about a month.

As I have said before affairs are totally wrong. I am not making any case for it being OK.

Both of our marriages were done except the paperwork when we met. Neither one of us divorced for the other one.

As far as why I think it won't work. We met cheating... I mean every time I have to go out of town or she has to work late, we will both be questioning if the other is with someone else. IDK maybe that would fade. Everyone I have talked to about relationships have said it is best to be alone for a while between relationships. I am really questioning my decision this morning.

How does she feel about the affair etc? Does she think it was wrong too?
If you think it's worth it...is there any joint counseling or something you could go through together?

She wasn't married very long was she? Do you know what went wrong there? Basically, I like to know the answer to that question from the women I start to get involved with.

[Dbl-r]

Almost kinda sounds like your in as deep in a stealth mode while she has openly conveyed her happiness and its totally rocked your world and your stuck with a mind that is confused on which way to go. Happiness is something that most peple seek daily in their lives and if your happy with her then by all means enjoy. This in no way advocates running out and getting married again, shucks enjoy what life has to offer and be wise with your decisions..