Dating After 30 For Women (how to, marriages, call, clothes)

[Waynec613]

Originally Posted by onegreatnurse

(Originally posted by WayneC) As for her personally, Nurses have to be the single most sought after profession by most men that want an awesome woman IMO. Getting someone that has joined a profession that requires that much empathy, energy and intelligence to succeed, coupled with the knowledge while you might get "taken care" of in certain respects, a woman with that background would also be more likely to REALLY "take care" of you when the lights go out. Just drool-factor 8 from that alone.

Why Wayne, I do believe you actually just tried to pay me a compliment!!! lol...and you're right....about the after the lights go out part...I guess the "taking care of" part kind of carries over....

Yeah, it got shot down pretty fast in the flack-zone that is C-D however.
But I guess I can't say much to 'em, as I'm a pretty good troller myself.

[mateo45]

Originally Posted by Giesela

So your saying that those who never marry, or have trouble dating have personality issues and that it's their fault.
So it also follows that anyone who ever gets a divorce has personality issues and its their fault.
Sounds pretty much likes humans generally, I mean I've seen all sorts of seemingly happily married people though I didn't like them personally.
Perhaps your success is because your not human?

Geez, aren't you being kinda hard on him there?

"I believe that many people, both men and women, fall into a trap of thinking that their troubles are due mainly to extrinsic factors, instead of looking within themselves for an explanation."

Sounds like common sense, and he's not saying "everybody"... so why so touchy about the idea of looking in the mirror first if we're having problems? Besides, it's the only part you can control anyway.

[Waynec613]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

That's not even true where I'm from, which really is the sticks. My grandmother build BOMBS in a factory during the second World War. Rosie-the-Riveter style. So did many women. My other grandmother was a single mother and worked in hospitality from the 1950s when she fled an abusive marriage, up through her retirement in the early 1990s.

Your joking right? Women were viewed as being 'odd' or having something wrong with their personality or the like quite often for having what were considered jobs for men. WWII was an exception that was taken back as fast as it was asked after the war was over and the men came back needing jobs.
The "norms" being teacher, nurse, secretary, textiles, sewing mills, nanny, etc.. It's come quite far in recent history, but it's not that long ago.
Not to say your grandmother/mother didn't have a different career. OI!

[thechicka]

i have read this forum for a couple years now and this post got my attention,so i decided to join and reply.
i notice quite a bit on message boards how men(some,not all)say how women have a hard time dating once they hit 30 or 40.
i personally dont see that.i belive its mostly the media and things like that that get people to see it that way.

In are everyday normal lives,how often do you really see a man in his 40's with a 20 something year old,or vice versa? i dont,maybe over the past few years i seen one couple,a women in her 40's with a early 30's guy.
i think you see more men with younger women on tv,celeberties and such.
or a man who leaves his wife for a younger woman because he hits his midlife crisis and the affair doesnt last and he goes back to his wife,thats if she takes him back.

i have tons of friends of all ages and the ones in their 20's think it is gross if i point out a hot guy in his 30's or 40's.

im in my mid 30's and i have men of all ages hitting on me often,and i dont see that changing just because i hit 40 in a couple years.
my divorced cousins(4 of them) are in their 40's and are always out on dates with men their age and they are not beautiful,but not ugly either,just your plain janes.
Just one cousin who is 43 and is with her 58 year old boss who is loaded with money and left his wife for her.Guess why she is with him,for the money,she admits it.
But still has men her age who want to date her.and she has dated one guy a 26 yr old who cheated on his 24 yr old beautiful wife with her.

I had my first child at 21 and second at 26 and it didn't stop men approching me while my children were with me.
Some men dont even care if i tell them im married.

once i hit my 50's that may be a different story,im sure not many 40yr old or younger men will be looking my way,and thats ok because i would want someone close to my age to be with if i was back in the dating world again,i hope that will not ever be the case though as i want to spend the rest of my life with my husband.

i do not see other women,some divorced in their 30's 40's or 50's having problems attracting men.

This is all MHO and my experience.
Please do not take offense in anything i wrote,i am not bashing anyones life or what they belive.
Im trying to lay out different senerios to show that IMO i dont think its true that women have a hard time dating because of their age and that Most2(not all) 20 yr old women do not go for older men
(most all i know or see are with their own age group)and vise versa,and quite a few(not all) who do go for the older men do so for money/security,not love or anything in common.and men, quite a few(not all)
go for younger women to feel good about themselves,to look good to others,not for love or anything in common.
i feel that in the real world(not tv,media crap)people stick with people their own age, give and take a few years.

also my husband works with over 200 men,and has made quite alot of friends.
over the years a few of them divorced,all either remarried in their own age range or they date women their age range. One guy dated a woman 9 years older and quite a few in their 20's, but is now in a relationship with someone a year younger.he said the 20 something yr olds are crazy,and wont go there again,lol. i think he just attracts the crazy ones though.this guy is only 31.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by curliq

To shed some light, this was a hot topic for me because I'm surrounded daily with this 'issue' - being 29 and having numerous single friends who share with me their frustrations of being pressured and labeled by society. I also have the added experience of listening to coupled-up friends unfairly and cruelly speculate on why these single friends aren't getting hitched. Even closer to home, my parents constantly interrogate me on why my 31 yr old sister isn't getting hitched. It's an irritating topic for women, period. Sorry, I will try to turn down the heat, Denny.

It's an irritating topic. But don't think women are the only ones who deal with this kind of pressure. I'm a male in my 30s. I've never been married and I'm constantly asked why. It's sad that in an age where half of all marriages end, people who are single are made to feel like the weirdos. Dating is definitely more difficult for some people. Having added pressure from friends, family, and society at large only makes things worse. This thread was not intended to touch a nerve. I was just curious what people, particularly women, thought of this idea about dating after 30.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by onegreatnurse

No, actually I was referring to the fact that there are a lot of guys who are much younger than myself who are interested in an older woman for only one thing..I wasn't talking about the men MY age...meaning if you're above a cerain age a lot of men don't have any real interest in you as a person, esp if they're younger..

These guys are interested in only one thing regardless of age. They're not just chasing after the older women for sex, they're doing that with younger ones too.

[bgNCATL]

How can dating be great over the age of 30 and your still single? I don't think the problem is finding someone to go out with; it's finding someone that you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. When your over 30, the only thing great about dating is your done with it. I'm obviously not talking about people who don't want to get married. The closer you get to 40, the harder it gets to find someone of quality. This is why the pressure is on when you hit 30 and your still single.

[ILikeSmartHippies]

Women with kids are penalized during dating because most women yell and nag at their kids so they're used to yelling and nagging. Then when they date, they revert to the habit (quietly) of minor yelling or nagging, and it's like nails on a chalkboard, so the guy splits.

[shania]

[quote=DennyCrane;9085601]Mathguy,

And you're right about being more assertive. A lot of women will complain how they never meet anyone, never get asked out, etc. It's 2009. Why are people still operating under rules from the 50s. If you see a guy you like, then ask him out. Don't wait for him to make the first move.


I somewhat agree with this, except that, as a woman, when you ask a guy out instead of him asking you, it becomes hard to know what his level of interest is in you. Because, most times, guys show their level of interest with action, in how much they are pursuing the female, whether they're calling her, making more dates with her, etc. So if you reverse roles and ask a guy out or contact him first, you don't really know if he even likes you that much, and at some point you have to revert back to more traditional roles. Or I guess you could see whether a relationship would be sustainable if the woman initiates it and remains in the active role of the pursuer and the man remains the pursued. But would most guys really be comfortable with that?

If I asked a guy out, and then paid for the date since I was the one who did the asking, some guys would not be comfortable with that at all. Most men I've dated get a funny look on their face if I offer to help pay--can't imagine the look on their face if I whipped out my credit card and insisted on paying for dinner because I was in charge of the date. And then afterwards, would I be the one to call him a week later and ask him out again? In other words, if the female takes over the role of the pursuer, I can't see that being sustained without a lot of awkwardness.

Frankly, it almost seems that sometimes this attitude that some guys have adopted, that the women should be approaching them and be more aggressive, is somewhat of a cop out. It's as if guys are thinking, "We don't have to work at all at this--women are easy to find, so if you want me, you have to come get me, or some other woman will. We're in the driver's seat because we have more women to choose from, so now we're not going to drive, you're expected to drive over and pick us up." This may not be accurate, but that's what it seems like. As a female friend said to me the other day, "Is chivalry completely dead?" And maybe it is. Some women see that as a negative factor--they don't want to waste time on a guy that isn't willing to make an effort to, at the very least, ask them out on a date, because that doesn't bode well for what effort he's going to make in a relationship. It may not be right, I don't know. But those are the thoughts that go through our minds about this.

Besides, I think that because of the way most women are wired, only 30-40 % may really feel comfortable about being the one to ask a guy out on a regular basis. The majority of women may not. And I understand that it could be argued that women should just make the first initial contact, and after that, put on the brakes and let the man take the active role, however, for a lot of women, even role reversal for that initial contact just doesn't "feel" right. And women take rejection just as hard as men do, and in this scenario, not only do they have to worry about being rejected, but about feeling awkward and embarrassed for having tried to initiate a contact when they didn't feel comfortable about doing that in the first place.

Anyway, I just thought I'd clarify why some women feel they should wait for the man to make the first move. It may hurt them in the long run, but there's reasons for it.

[Mathguy]

[quote=shania;9127706]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Mathguy,

And you're right about being more assertive. A lot of women will complain how they never meet anyone, never get asked out, etc. It's 2009. Why are people still operating under rules from the 50s. If you see a guy you like, then ask him out. Don't wait for him to make the first move.


I somewhat agree with this, except that, as a woman, when you ask a guy out instead of him asking you, it becomes hard to know what his level of interest is in you. Because, most times, guys show their level of interest with action, in how much they are pursuing the female, whether they're calling her, making more dates with her, etc. So if you reverse roles and ask a guy out or contact him first, you don't really know if he even likes you that much, and at some point you have to revert back to more traditional roles. Or I guess you could see whether a relationship would be sustainable if the woman initiates it and remains in the active role of the pursuer and the man remains the pursued. But would most guys really be comfortable with that?

If I asked a guy out, and then paid for the date since I was the one who did the asking, some guys would not be comfortable with that at all. Most men I've dated get a funny look on their face if I offer to help pay--can't imagine the look on their face if I whipped out my credit card and insisted on paying for dinner because I was in charge of the date. And then afterwards, would I be the one to call him a week later and ask him out again? In other words, if the female takes over the role of the pursuer, I can't see that being sustained without a lot of awkwardness.

Frankly, it almost seems that sometimes this attitude that some guys have adopted, that the women should be approaching them and be more aggressive, is somewhat of a cop out. It's as if guys are thinking, "We don't have to work at all at this--women are easy to find, so if you want me, you have to come get me, or some other woman will. We're in the driver's seat because we have more women to choose from, so now we're not going to drive, you're expected to drive over and pick us up." This may not be accurate, but that's what it seems like. As a female friend said to me the other day, "Is chivalry completely dead?" And maybe it is. Some women see that as a negative factor--they don't want to waste time on a guy that isn't willing to make an effort to, at the very least, ask them out on a date, because that doesn't bode well for what effort he's going to make in a relationship. It may not be right, I don't know. But those are the thoughts that go through our minds about this.

Besides, I think that because of the way most women are wired, only 30-40 % may really feel comfortable about being the one to ask a guy out on a regular basis. The majority of women may not. And I understand that it could be argued that women should just make the first initial contact, and after that, put on the brakes and let the man take the active role, however, for a lot of women, even role reversal for that initial contact just doesn't "feel" right. And women take rejection just as hard as men do, and in this scenario, not only do they have to worry about being rejected, but about feeling awkward and embarrassed for having tried to initiate a contact when they didn't feel comfortable about doing that in the first place.

Anyway, I just thought I'd clarify why some women feel they should wait for the man to make the first move. It may hurt them in the long run, but there's reasons for it.

Good comments.

I guess that what I'm getting at is the whole range of possible first moves.

For example,
-just walking up and talking to a guy instead of sitting back with your girlfriend waiting for him
-Contact on a dating website, you don't have to ask the guy out but just drop him a note saying you read his profile and thought it was interesting blah blah blah...that gets you on his radar and

So, you don't have to ask a guy out...but show some interest of *some* sort and then you can gauge his interest by how he responds, if he asks you out etc.

Again, I'm saying this from personal experience that just putting forth a little effort and making contact can start things nicely. It can also help you get the attention of what you want instead of wading through lots of guys\gals and again...some of the better catches will be getting plenty of attention.