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Or you could say "Let me think about what you've just said. I'll get back to you." That way you can formulate what you want to say, and they know something is brewing up there.
You could also hang out with me, and I'll shock you with the most outrageous things and you could get valuable practice in saying what you want to say! (Just kidding about this one.)
You might want to arm yourself with a few short one liners. And feel free to use them, remember it's the other party who started this manipulation game.
Like: "What an odd comment!" "That is just BS!" "Are you drunk/stoned/off your meds again?"
That puts the ball in their court and meanwhile you can walk out.
I often deflect having to give an instant response about information that I wasn't prepared for by asking a question, ie, "Really. How did you deal with that?" and then usually asking a question gives me thinking time to give an opinion if I feel the need. For example: "Really. How did you deal with that? Because personally if someone I knew was heavily involved in drugs and refused to recognize they had a problem or seek help, I probably wouldn't stay friends very long with that person." And then I listen to what they have to say about my response.
I know what you mean though. Sometimes things people share with me or ask me, even when they are very good things, can take me by surprise and leave me speechless, unable to process my thoughts fast enough and find the words to respond.
Or you could say "Let me think about what you've just said. I'll get back to you." That way you can formulate what you want to say, and they know something is brewing up there.
well just a second....
The OP is not suggesting she has TIME to go into another room and think about it, she is talking about on the spot stuff here. Saying to hold on I'll come back to it is something you say to a supervisor who asks you if you can work on your day off
She is suggesting spur of the moment, slick comments that people say when they arent thinking. For example, if someone walks by you on the street and makes a rude remark to you, you have about 2 or 3 seconds to say something back or they've just walked all over you.
I know that feeling. Sometimes you just get too shocked. Best thing to say when someone says that is be like, wait, wait wait..HOLDUP. Then all of sudden what you want to say will meet you alot faster. And you become assertive instead of a doormat. Thats why I hate being silent about things when I probably shouldnt. Tell them off on the spot.
You could also say,"What would make you say such a thing?"
Or if it's some smart aleck on the street you could say,"Not having a good day, are we?"
This happens to me once in awhile, too. People say the most idiotic, rude, unexpected things and I don't know quite how to respond.
On the other hand, a long time ago I read a quotation somewhere that said,"You can't misquote silence." So in other words, even if you're at a loss for words at someone else's unexpected rudeness and crudeness, you don't have to respond to their terrible comments. They can't hold anything against you...because you didn't say anything.
They do make themselves look stupid...because they're rude and coarse.
I wish I could get the hang of how to just bust out laughing, that would probably cover most of those situations
Although that does put alot of people on their asses, it still comes off as slightly un-assertive. When Im upset people need to know it. Being silent, laughing, or anything other than telling them off doesnt do any good.
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(Just kidding about this one.)
