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i realize how dire this situation is, I love my husband and have tried everything but if he enjoys smoking pot he should have just stuck with that instead of a woman. I'm exhausted all of my resources he doesn't want counseling because of the cost, he wont take viagara due to his heart, but he smokes cigarrettes and pot neither are heart affirming. and he just goes on and on about his past, we live together and have a life together and i would feel bad if he had to go home. it's my house we both have our own jobs. I should not be going through this at 24 years old, even my older sister who is 32 has been married for 10 years and her and her husband haven't hit this bump in the road.
Lets look here realistically... he enjoys smoking pot more then touching you... you got your answer already.. drop him.. and move on.. there is some dude over there that wont let you bend over without asking you for some.. just gotta find him
Now I know it's usually the men who are out there posting about this but what about us women out there. I have only been with my spouse for 2 years and all of the passion has died out of our relationship. The sex went from twice a day to once every few weeks maybe even a month, i feel alone and depraved and very unhappy with him. i have tried to talk to him about it over and over again and it gets better for a while and goes right back into the same slump, sometimes i wonder if he even cares about my needs or the fact that i wish he could not only stimulate me physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. He has alot of baggage from his past relationships, all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him and even though i have tried to work with him through this it makes me feel guilty or even resentful that he can go weeks without touching me. On top of that we have nothing in common and it seems like we have grown apart a bit. he is kinda set in his ways and honestly i'm done starting over. I just feel frustrated and alone, I love this man so much but even viagara he will not take because he said he has heart problems. my family is telling me to cut my losses and i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I dont know what to do anymore. He is only 36 years old by the way and if it's this bad now I can only see it getting worse, the sex started to fall off a year and a half ago.
Oh no I am very sorry to read this message. Maybe he should try exercising or tryiung a less streesful job. or maybe you should try having a toy.
He always looked at it as a physical thing, not with the strong emotional ties we women tend to put on it in a relationship. So it didnt dawn on him that everytime he pushed me away I took that as I wasnt good enough for him.
Too bad people here don't like reading long posts
Pretty amazing insights here in Rhaven's post. Here, free advise from a counselor. Men don't view sex as sex=love like women do. They view it like sex period. Just like taking the trash out. No emotional attachment. In time, taking trash out becomes a boring chore. Talking with your spouse about that may light up a few lightbulbs in your heads.
T They view it like sex period. Just like taking the trash out. No emotional attachment. In time, taking trash out becomes a boring chore. Talking with your spouse about that may light up a few lightbulbs in your heads.
Have you told him you're ready to walk if he doesn't seek counseling with you? I seriously think there's more to it than loss of desire, unless he has something physical going on that's causing that. (Some heart medications do have that side effect, BTW, but you didn't mention him being on medication.) Maybe he's withholding sex as an unconscious way of testing your loyalty, to see if you'll cheat like his former spouse(s). Because he's creating such a real rift in his marriage that it's like a recipe to cheat at this point. That's why I think counseling is the only way to save this situation. And pot and alcohol can exasperate the problem of low desire, from what I've heard. Sounds like he needs counseling for that as well.
Have you told him you're ready to walk if he doesn't seek counseling with you? I seriously think there's more to it than loss of desire, unless he has something physical going on that's causing that. (Some heart medications do have that side effect, BTW, but you didn't mention him being on medication.) Maybe he's withholding sex as an unconscious way of testing your loyalty, to see if you'll cheat like his former spouse(s). Because he's creating such a real rift in his marriage that it's like a recipe to cheat at this point. That's why I think counseling is the only way to save this situation. And pot and alcohol can exasperate the problem of low desire, from what I've heard. Sounds like he needs counseling for that as well.
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Now I know it's usually the men who are out there posting about this but what about us women out there. I have only been with my spouse for 2 years and all of the passion has died out of our relationship. The sex went from twice a day to once every few weeks maybe even a month, i feel alone and depraved and very unhappy with him. i have tried to talk to him about it over and over again and it gets better for a while and goes right back into the same slump, sometimes i wonder if he even cares about my needs or the fact that i wish he could not only stimulate me physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. He has alot of baggage from his past relationships, all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him and even though i have tried to work with him through this it makes me feel guilty or even resentful that he can go weeks without touching me. On top of that we have nothing in common and it seems like we have grown apart a bit. he is kinda set in his ways and honestly i'm done starting over. I just feel frustrated and alone, I love this man so much but even viagara he will not take because he said he has heart problems. my family is telling me to cut my losses and i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I dont know what to do anymore. He is only 36 years old by the way and if it's this bad now I can only see it getting worse, the sex started to fall off a year and a half ago.
