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Now I know it's usually the men who are out there posting about this but what about us women out there. I have only been with my spouse for 2 years and all of the passion has died out of our relationship. The sex went from twice a day to once every few weeks maybe even a month, i feel alone and depraved and very unhappy with him. i have tried to talk to him about it over and over again and it gets better for a while and goes right back into the same slump, sometimes i wonder if he even cares about my needs or the fact that i wish he could not only stimulate me physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. He has alot of baggage from his past relationships, all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him and even though i have tried to work with him through this it makes me feel guilty or even resentful that he can go weeks without touching me. On top of that we have nothing in common and it seems like we have grown apart a bit. he is kinda set in his ways and honestly i'm done starting over. I just feel frustrated and alone, I love this man so much but even viagara he will not take because he said he has heart problems. my family is telling me to cut my losses and i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I dont know what to do anymore. He is only 36 years old by the way and if it's this bad now I can only see it getting worse, the sex started to fall off a year and a half ago.
Sometimes passive-aggressive (PA) men hold off on sex as a way to "punish" their spouse. If you're with one of those, I'd say you're better off being alone.
For the time being, I'd recommend you stop initiating sex. Stop wanting it or thinking about it. Forget it is there. The only way to deal with a PA man is to out passive him.
Big hugs. My husband and I went through this too, and are still working hard on it. We've been together for 13 years, married for almost 10. It's one of those things where you listen to other women complaining about how their men always jump them and never leave them alone and you just cant fathom this. I'm jealous of that and wish I could say I was bored of sex with my partner. If anything I want more!
We did the same cycle you mentioned: you talk things through, things look good for a week or so, and then it starts all over. I remember trying everything from hinting coyly all the way to outright stating and everything in between. I bought props, tons of lacy lingerie, sent emails, left naughty messages on his voicemail. You name it, I tried it. And of course everytime you're turned down your self esteem gets hit hard, to the point where you feel like you must be an unsexy, unlovable person if even your own husband is not turned on by your advances. I mean, out in public what man turns down the chance at sex being thrown at him???? At least thats what we're led to believe.
It finally got to a breaking point in our house. I loved him to death but felt like our relationship was more sibling than lovers. I started sleeping on the couch and seriously contemplated leaving him, which is something I never thought in a million years I would do. But your self worth can only take so much beatings before you realize you need to do something or become a shell of a person you once were and possibly beyond recovery.
Once my husband realized how serious it was he went crazy trying to figure out what was going on between us. He went off to get his testosterone checked, and pleaded to get counseling. It took us 2 counselors before we found a good fit for us, and helped us figure out what was going on. It was not lack of love in his end, or the lack of him finding me sexy. But in his words, it felt like it became an obligation to him which made him want it less and less (very simplified version here). It also never dawned on him () that sex to me was another way of saying I love you. He always looked at it as a physical thing, not with the strong emotional ties we women tend to put on it in a relationship. So it didnt danw on him that everytime he pushed me away I took that as I wasnt good enough for him. He's passive and hates conflict so with his personality he drew back instead of bringing it to the surface and talking about it honestly, which could have (or could not have) saved us many years of angst. We're still working together on how to both breathe life into our sex life and make it new and exciting. Its not a short term thing but a never ending joint effort on both parts.
My advice to you is to tell your man you both need counseling. The longer this goes on in your relationship the harder it is to break the cycle. Trust me when I say that in these instances, men and women can have a VERY different view on what is going on, even if you are the best of friends, partners, and tend to have amazing communication skills on other topics. Both my husband and I tend to be on the same page on everything else, so it was a complete shock to us both when we started getting our views heard and understood, that this was one topic we saw in totally different lights.
Whatever you do though, dont stop trying! If this man means the world to you in every other way, it is sooo worth thie fight. We still have less sex than I would enjoy, but we're both trying, and sex, foreplay, and everything else is so much more enjoyable now than it ever had been before.
If you are unhappy and have talked to him about it, then you really only have one of two options: 1) Resign yourself to a passionless marriage or 2) leave him and find someone new.
Now I know it's usually the men who are out there posting about this but what about us women out there. I have only been with my spouse for 2 years and all of the passion has died out of our relationship. The sex went from twice a day to once every few weeks maybe even a month, i feel alone and depraved and very unhappy with him. i have tried to talk to him about it over and over again and it gets better for a while and goes right back into the same slump, sometimes i wonder if he even cares about my needs or the fact that i wish he could not only stimulate me physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. He has alot of baggage from his past relationships, all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him and even though i have tried to work with him through this it makes me feel guilty or even resentful that he can go weeks without touching me. On top of that we have nothing in common and it seems like we have grown apart a bit. he is kinda set in his ways and honestly i'm done starting over. I just feel frustrated and alone, I love this man so much but even viagara he will not take because he said he has heart problems. my family is telling me to cut my losses and i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I dont know what to do anymore. He is only 36 years old by the way and if it's this bad now I can only see it getting worse, the sex started to fall off a year and a half ago.
My guess is that you are pushing him to have a baby and he is not ready for that. Many times sexuality problems with the male are because of this. Of course, this might not be situation in your case.
i just dont know what to do anymore it's like he isn't even trying we have talked to the point that i'm done talking about it and still no results and i doubt there is someone on the side because of all the baggage from his past relationships. I dont want to be in a passionless relationship. i'm young and attractive and i feel trapped. i wish he would initiate things, like honey lets take a bath or make love to me, it makes me feel resentful and alone.
My guess is that you are pushing him to have a baby and he is not ready for that. Many times sexuality problems with the male are because of this. Of course, this might not be situation in your case.
i just dont know what to do anymore it's like he isn't even trying we have talked to the point that i'm done talking about it and still no results and i doubt there is someone on the side because of all the baggage from his past relationships. I dont want to be in a passionless relationship. i'm young and attractive and i feel trapped. i wish he would initiate things, like honey lets take a bath or make love to me, it makes me feel resentful and alone.
Well, it may be time to call it a day. Sometimes, there just isn't anything you can do. You both deserve to be happy, even if it is alone or with someone else.
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Now I know it's usually the men who are out there posting about this but what about us women out there. I have only been with my spouse for 2 years and all of the passion has died out of our relationship. The sex went from twice a day to once every few weeks maybe even a month, i feel alone and depraved and very unhappy with him. i have tried to talk to him about it over and over again and it gets better for a while and goes right back into the same slump, sometimes i wonder if he even cares about my needs or the fact that i wish he could not only stimulate me physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. He has alot of baggage from his past relationships, all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him and even though i have tried to work with him through this it makes me feel guilty or even resentful that he can go weeks without touching me. On top of that we have nothing in common and it seems like we have grown apart a bit. he is kinda set in his ways and honestly i'm done starting over. I just feel frustrated and alone, I love this man so much but even viagara he will not take because he said he has heart problems. my family is telling me to cut my losses and i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I dont know what to do anymore. He is only 36 years old by the way and if it's this bad now I can only see it getting worse, the sex started to fall off a year and a half ago.
) that sex to me was another way of saying I love you. He always looked at it as a physical thing, not with the strong emotional ties we women tend to put on it in a relationship. So it didnt danw on him that everytime he pushed me away I took that as I wasnt good enough for him. He's passive and hates conflict so with his personality he drew back instead of bringing it to the surface and talking about it honestly, which could have (or could not have) saved us many years of angst. We're still working together on how to both breathe life into our sex life and make it new and exciting. Its not a short term thing but a never ending joint effort on both parts.
