Expectations of a single professional (dating, wife, girlfriends, married)

[drsmiley06]

Okay, so I'm sure you've all seen this kinda of posting before, maybe some of you haven't, but I'm going to ask a few questions and vent anyhow. Why do you people feel the need to keep asking me why I'm still single and why I can't find a girlfriend and why I'm not married yet with children? I'm a 34y.o. male living in rural pennsylvania, single, never married, no children, and no girlfriend. I moved up to this area from Philadelphia after finishing my residency in late June 2007. I practice dentistry in a rural health clinic and I don't mind living in this area, although it does seem to get alittle boring around here from time-to-time. It's only been in the last 6 months where I've been getting all kinds of questions about why I am still single and why can't I find someone to settle down with, whatever that means. There's not a week that goes by without someone asking me this, sometimes more than once a week. And one of my assistants actually took me aside one day and told me that it's somewhat odd for someone my age to never have been married, no children and especially no girlfriend. Plus I soon realized that I'm in a family-oriented profession (dentistry) and that I'm almost expected to get married and raise a family. What do you ladies think? Being that I am in a family-oriented profession are the expectations to get married and raise a family higher for me? Only a few people know that I'm not really interested in having children; marriage, maybe, but I'm not interested in having children. And since I have finished school and residency I have gone on a few dates but nothing really spectacular has happened. More recently I've gone on a few vacations by myself too. I took a trip to Hawaii (Oahu) back in November '08; took a cruise to the eastern caribbean in early March and I'm ready to head to Aruba in late May; all of these trips I have done by myself because for one I have the vacation time, and two I have alittle extra cash saved up to take these trips. I guess some people see me taking these trips by myself and wonder why the hell am I going by myself but I do enjoy the alone time, especially in a far distant place. I have no problem being single, although it wouldn't bother me to go on a few more dates (if I can actually get them) or even get into a relationship. But as I get older, and by the way I turn 35 in June, will women look at me and ask the same question: how did this guy manage to make it to the age of 35 without ever being married, no children and hardly any ex-girlfriends? As one female told me a few months ago, it may be nice to be single, but women will perceive that as meaning something is wrong with this guy who's still single at the age of 34. Ladies, enlighten me, and be honest too, don't surgercoat it. Tell me what you really think! Would you find it odd that you came across a 34y.o. male who's never been married, single, no children, and really no ex-girlfriends?

[PassTheChocolate]

I think, as long as you're not anti-social, it isn't a bad thing. The fact that you are fine with taking trips alone and are in a good place in every other area says a lot about your level of personal fulfillment. Don't worry too much about what other people say. Most have this cookie-cutter view of life and how people should live. Go against the grain, I say, if it makes you happy.

[steelstress]

I'd think you were completing your education, residency, and whatever else one needs to do to get his life on track and stable. You know, the things everyone should be before embarking on a search for a spouse.

It's just unfortunate people think getting married by a certain age is more important that getting your life/career on track first. Sure wish I met one of you when I was your age.

[qjane82]

It sounds like the area is the problem. If you date another professional she'll probably sympathize with your situation rather than be suspicious.

Amongst my friends in NYC, age 25-35, the norm is for people not to have ever been married.

[CESpeed]

If you want to stop the questions tell them that you are divorced. Or tell them thaqt you were csaring for a sick parent. Or you can tell them that you were so busy with school that you didn't have time for dating. Unfortunately, the last story in a small will have every female beating down your door tryingto get the "eligible bachelor". Of course if you don't want kids, you have to be honest about that up front. Most women want children and there will be drama if you let her get emotionally invested and drop the bomb that you don't want kids. Good Luck.

[shania]

Try dating single, never been married women who are 34-39 yrs old and I bet they won't be asking you those questions, because they can relate. They, too, are probably tired of getting asked all the same questions.

[drsmiley06]

Actually I have gone on a few dates where women have asked me about whether or not I wanted children, and I do respond with an honest answer, which is no. Now I don't consider that to be first date conservation talk but hey if the question is asked I'll be more than happy to answer. And you know, I do tell people that I've been in school for the past 10 years too. I was actually in the air force for 6 years prior to finishing up my undergrad degree, spent 3.5 years in anchorage alaska. Yea, talk about a buzzkill, the guy-to-girl ratio in anchorage is something like 40:1, at least that's what it was back in the mid-90's, so there went 3.5 years right there without dating. But you're right when you say that for some reason or another people think you must be married with children all by the age of 26, I mean c'mon, your life hasn't even started yet. Heck I didn't start dental school until I was 28! I think what brings attention to myself too is taking these trips by myself. I'll usually get the "oh, you're going to hawaii, who you going with?" And trust me, when my staff and others in the community found out that I went to hawaii and took a cruise by myself, it raised a few eyebrows. And now that I'm heading to Aruba at the end of this month, of course I'm getting bombarded with the same old questions. Hey listen I'd like to travel with someone else, I wouldn't mind having a travel buddy, but since I don't have one and have plenty of vacation time with alittle cash saved up, I'm not going to sit around and do nothing. You know it's almost kinda of good that others are talking, saying "oh it must be nice to take those vacations", because I usually respond by saying "yea, it is nice, and you can have it too if you didn't screw around with the wrong people and would've stayed in school you big dummy!" Oh, you don't even want to get me started on the "it must be nice lines!"

[nuala]

I am not getting a feel for how you yourself feel about not having a girlfriend... Usually for guys posting on here it's a sore point, ("what is wrong with me?" type of posts). Are you content with the way things are, and just the nosiness annoys you?

[orangeapple]

It's where you live & the field you work in. If you lived somewhere else & had a different professional career it could be a very different attitude. It sounds like you live in a rural area where people have nothing better to do than gossip.

It's also like the opening line to Pride & Prejudice:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

First of all, why do these people know so much about your personal life? It's really not your assistant's business. If people ask you questions, just smile slyly and say "I don't like to discuss my personal life at work". No one needs to know how many ex gf's you've had or what your current romantic life is like. The more mysterious your past, the better.

Bad news is, it will probably be hard to meet women in such a small area, and they are likely to have the same nosy attitude toward your singleness.

[shania]

Originally Posted by orangeapple

It's also like the opening line to Pride & Prejudice:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

That's such a good line, and very apropos to the OP's situation.