Open Relationships - does your SO want one? (boyfriend, love, single) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

sgsi1988 · 05-13-2009, 05:43 PM

Does your SO want an Open Relationship but you don't?

One of my friends is currently going through this very situation. His SO (6+yrs together) ran into an old boyfriend and passions got inflamed - no sex yet but both parties are interested in being intimate.

His SO told him the details and that she wanted an open relationship where she could spend time for relations with the old bf but promised to return to him. And he could do the same with anyone he wanted as long as he returned to her.

If he tried to prevent her, it could drive her away. Because he loved her, he agreed to the situation.

I was wondering if this had happened to anyone else? How would you handle such a situation? Would you leave or agree to your SO's request?
Would it be end of the relationship?

I have read quite a bit of threads on this forum, and I know some of the views is that "Open Relationship" is another way of saying that the person wants permission to have an affair. So can we skip over those comments?

JustJulia · 05-13-2009, 05:45 PM

An open relationship has to be a mutual decision. If one person says, "I want to have sex with other people, and if you say no that will just drive me away," and the other person just goes along with it, that's a very bad idea.

Whyte Byrd · 05-13-2009, 05:48 PM

If someone I loved asked for an open relationship I'd go open the door for them and say, Sure, there you go. Go.

Tia 914 · 05-13-2009, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd

If someone I loved asked for an open relationship I'd go open the door for them and say, Sure, there you go. Go.

sgsi1988 · 05-13-2009, 05:49 PM

Actually, I am not sure to what extent my friend and his SO discussed the situation. I just got a quick summary of the situation. I am in agreement with you too JustJulia. It is hard to walk away from a 6year relationship.

leavingcali · 05-13-2009, 05:53 PM

I'd be out the door, but not before a swift knee to his crotch.

Twinkle Toes · 05-13-2009, 05:59 PM

My ex-husband pulled this on me. There's a reason he's an ex.

ben242000 · 05-13-2009, 06:01 PM

I would never agree to an open-relationship, it'd ruin all the intimacy for me.

professorsenator · 05-13-2009, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sgsi1988

Does your SO want an Open Relationship but you don't?

Seems to me this is one of the big "ground rules" that a couple has to go over and agree upon BEFORE they commit/marry. Most folks aren't OK with open relationships, but some are. 'Whatever makes you happy' is my thought.

But agreeing to an exclusive arrangement and then one of the parties saying "I want a different deal" -- and the other person in the committed relationship not being happy about this new arrangement -- seems problematic to me. It has obviously been done (see, for example: : : : J E N N Y B L O C K : : :), but it seems like very tricky business.

killer2021 · 05-13-2009, 06:39 PM

I personally think it is a complete joke.

If you want to go and bang as many people as possible, why bother to be in a serious relationship in the first place? Seems like it would make things a heck of alot easier. Besides being single is alot more fun anyways

Quote:

I'd be out the door, but not before a swift knee to his crotch.

That is domestic violence and it is AGAINST the law. No one should be hitting anyone, regardless of gender. Shame on you.