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Old 05-20-2009, 06:31 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,116,756 times
Reputation: 13484

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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
You don't ever imagine a fully aroused naked man??? Please, every woman does that.
I noticed a hottie riding by on his bike the other day, but no, I didn't picture him naked. The reality is that most people look better in clothes and it's not instinctive for me to superimpose whoever's face on a naked image I have in my mind.
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Old 05-20-2009, 07:05 AM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,116,756 times
Reputation: 13484
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613 View Post
That I think is entirely on the point of view, and the social acceptablity of the response from opposing parties.
I'm a little confused by your sentence here if you wouldn't mind re-stating it. IRT objectification, I don't think all cases are dependent on any particular pov when there is data/evidence we can look torwards. I'm not necessarily saying sexual objetification of women is causal of consequeces, though it could very well be, but perhaps a symptom of discrimination. Again, I'm not speaking in absolutes here because it's a complicated subject. This really warrants its own thread if you're up for it at any point. I have little experience with women's studies and sociology, but I have done some research. There's all kinds of sociological, academic, and country-comparison research that investigates gender issues.

Quote:
That I would agree with emphatically. Nobody thinks or views things the same, who would want them to?
Indeed, who would want such a thing. As it stands, many in this thread are suggesting as much. I haven't read all of your posts, but from what I've seen thus far, your style of communication is not a carbon copy of the next poster. And I suspect that extends to your worldview as well.

Quote:
I didn't really say you were, just mentioning it. I know of no one that dislikes semi-superficial flattery that's tasteful, and isn't meant as the be all of the other person's being.
Yea, and it's important to remember that the net arena tends to exist in hyperbole.
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Old 05-20-2009, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,176 posts, read 10,652,552 times
Reputation: 9644
The key here is (to me, anyway) that the OP "Caught" hubby looking at porn - for the second time.

"Caught"? What kind of rigorous relationship does one have where one "catches" someone doing something in the privacy of their own home? Because it is HIS home, too... This sounds WAY too much like someone who wants the power in the relationship, who demands respect without giving it, who thinks that having children makes her holier than any rabbit who can do the same. Children do not sanctify a relationship nor a parent; they merely enhance what should already be a loving and respectful relationship.

My DH had stacks of porn, videos, etc. long before we were married. Before we were married he had quite a reputation for being an amazing, caring, and inspired lover. His other girlfriends were furious when we married; they kept calling him for 6 months afterwards, trying to tell him how much better they would be for him than me, etc. He would just laugh. The porn worked better than a boring dried up treatise on "how to make love to a woman"! Men are visual; they learn from looking. DH knew all of the positions possible (and some that weren't - ahem) and was open to trying new things for pleasure for BOTH OF US. We used to look at it together, and he'd say, "Would you like that?" or "Is that stupid/uncomfortable or what?" Our marriage was based on understanding each other, mutual trust, and learning what made the other one tick; not judging or criticising or making 'rules' to suit the other's need for power.

I say "used to" because now he is crippled and on lifetime pain medication (job related injury) so we have had literally no sex for over 5 years. Not even the visual of porn can arouse him. HE WANTS to be, desperately, but can't. So be careful what you wish for.

OTOH, I rarely think of men I meet or work with as sexual people - or even as having a penis. (Sorry, guys) Friends are friends, bosses are bosses, co-workers are co-workers; and I don't think about guys from the neck down, am only interested in what's between their ears. BUT When I was younger I would have 'done' William Shatner, John Denver, or Richard Chamberlain in a heartbeat - and even today would do Sean Connery or Mel Gibson without a second thought! Some men are just tooo sexy to ignore, but most are just - well, people.

The most visual experience DH and I had together was going to the Giant Flea Market in Jax, FL, during the World Competition of Hard Bodies or some such thing. Everywhere we looked there were hot and well-built, well-formed, almost naked bodies of both men and women. We almost broke our necks looking this way and that, and each others' shoulders nudging. It was fun - these folks put themselves on display, and we were more than happy to admire their efforts.

Accepting one's sexuality - and the sexuality of one's spouse - is paramount to a healthy and fun, loving, caring, mutually satisfying relationship. Because if it lasts, and there's no more sex for whatever reason, one still has a strong basis of acceptance and respect for each other.

Oh, yeah, and we raised three children who knew and respected themselves, who understood that sex was two playful, affectionate people caring about each other, who loved themselves and therefore were able to love others without power plays or artifice. They all - boys and girl - are familiar with the uses of porn in their own relationships. Restricting it or making it 'evil' only heightens their interest; so since it is a part of human life since early history, why not incorporate it and use it without fearing it?

Last edited by SCGranny; 05-20-2009 at 07:27 AM..
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:37 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,493,148 times
Reputation: 9174
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCGranny View Post
"Caught"? What kind of rigorous relationship does one have where one "catches" someone doing something in the privacy of their own home?
My thoughts exactly. When someone has to resort to hiding the this kind of stuff, there is something terribly wrong.

The same applies to the words "let". He won't "let" me go to the concert with my friends. She won't "let" me to go hunting. As grown adults, we should know the boundaries in a relationship. But getting married/committed doesn't mean you go back to asking for permission. That stops when you leave your parent's nest.

Reminds me of that Brad Paisley song:

Well I love her
But I love the fish
I spend all day out on this lake
And hell is all I catch
But today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin' hole today
She'd be packin' all her things and she'd
be gone by noon

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
Right now I'm on this lakeshore
And I'm sittin' in the sun
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
Ya I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 7,157,345 times
Reputation: 3072
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCGranny View Post
The key here is (to me, anyway) that the OP "Caught" hubby looking at porn - for the second time....Accepting one's sexuality - and the sexuality of one's spouse - is paramount to a healthy and fun, loving, caring, mutually satisfying relationship....Restricting it or making it 'evil' only heightens their interest; so since it is a part of human life since early history, why not incorporate it and use it without fearing it?
Perfectly on the mark! Could someone please tell me why all posts at CD cannot be as wise, well-articulated, and moving as SCGranny's?

Sorry I can only rep you once, ScGranny...
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:24 AM
 
496 posts, read 938,461 times
Reputation: 418
Well, she did "catch" him. He was trying to "hide" it.
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:47 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,493,148 times
Reputation: 9174
Quote:
Originally Posted by blazejen View Post
Well, she did "catch" him. He was trying to "hide" it.
Technically true, but not so black and white. If his wife is making it out to be a betrayal or something to be ashamed of, sure he's going to hide it. Does it make him sneaky? Does it make him a loser? Or does it make him a man who is simply satisfying a need, knows he is not looking to do anything but that, but doesn't want to hurt her or make her feel less than because, ultimately, SHE feels less than?

I suspect that porn isn't the only thing she is insecure about.
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Old 05-21-2009, 05:37 AM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,365,918 times
Reputation: 12980
Haha . I once dated a guy who's ex-girlfriend would get mad because he was looking at the women on t.v. She would turn off his t.v while he was watching it. It was hilarious. We all felt sorry for the guy.
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Old 05-21-2009, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 18,427,463 times
Reputation: 10148
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
That why I said "can" be destructive. If he's sitting around all day cranking it, he's probably isn't paying too much attention to his wife.
If she's pregnant it seems unlikely that he is neglecting her.
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Old 05-21-2009, 09:58 AM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,586,000 times
Reputation: 7738
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
Haha . I once dated a guy who's ex-girlfriend would get mad because he was looking at the women on t.v. She would turn off his t.v while he was watching it. It was hilarious. We all felt sorry for the guy.
I don't know how you could avoid seeing women on TV

There are a lot of psycho women out there. No question.
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