Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 05-23-2009, 01:55 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,181,606 times
Reputation: 73922

Advertisements

You know, back to the original question...'caught looking at porn'???!!

Whaddya mean, 'caught'? Did you both agree that he wouldn't do it and he broke the agreement?

I mean, I know plenty of people, both men and women, who enjoy occasional porn, and to insinuate that there's automatically something wrong with it (so they get 'caught' doing it) is a little off-base.

There's porn addiction and there's harmless porn enjoyment. Big difference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-23-2009, 01:55 AM
 
Location: Delaware...Oi
1,293 posts, read 3,185,153 times
Reputation: 547
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
Accepting who she is, does not mean accepting what she does.
Exactly.

Quote:
If she is doing things to annoy you, then of course you don't have to accept it. But if you know that she is this way and theres nothing that you can do or say to make her change, then you either accept her or move on.
Most women do this from my experience, this means I shouldn't accept that most women could discuss it, and come to a compromise? That's far too absolute a definition in my book.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 01:58 AM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,389,380 times
Reputation: 12980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613 View Post
Exactly.


Most women do this from my experience, this means I shouldn't accept that most women could discuss it, and come to a compromise? That's far too absolute a definition in my book.
I think you can talk to her about it. If she never learns, that means that there is no changing her. This is who she will always be.

But I don't think many women have this compulsion to be that way once they have been told that it gets in the way of your relationship. So just talk to her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 03:08 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,718,801 times
Reputation: 14886
You could always smash the computer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 06:03 PM
 
Location: cape girardeau
893 posts, read 1,576,537 times
Reputation: 495
or spank him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 06:07 PM
 
Location: USA
4,978 posts, read 9,496,338 times
Reputation: 2506
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
You know, back to the original question...'caught looking at porn'???!!

Whaddya mean, 'caught'? Did you both agree that he wouldn't do it and he broke the agreement?

I mean, I know plenty of people, both men and women, who enjoy occasional porn, and to insinuate that there's automatically something wrong with it (so they get 'caught' doing it) is a little off-base.

There's porn addiction and there's harmless porn enjoyment. Big difference.

Yes, I agree, but men keep picking women who are so rigid, as shown on here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 07:07 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,447,774 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by spanko75 View Post
or spank him.
You could also film that and let people watch
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,086,445 times
Reputation: 3787
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
The problem is you have to look at where the least harm is done. Having sex with someone who doesn't want it is rape. Even if coerced. Unwanted sex is a violation of the person. Denial of sex is not. If there's something wrong and your spouse doesn't want sex, then you need to help your spouse figure out what's wrong.

I don't get this attitude. If a spouse were physically ill and could not respond sexually, no one would bat an eye about their SO being expected to stand by them but if whatever is wrong results in their spouse not being interested in sex, it's grounds to cheat? No. Psychological issues are just as real as physical illnesses. You married your spouse for better or for worse, you help them work through it.

Sex is not a necessity. Not having your body violated is. You take the past of least harm and that is doing without while your spouse works through their issues.

It's frustrating to want sex and not get it but that's all it is, frustrating. My husband often doesn't want sex when I do. I'm not sure why but he has to work through his issues. I can't force it.
To you it's the least harm done because you get to have your cake and eat it, too. Why don't his feelings count? Why is he suppose to wait around for you to decide that he's been good boy and sufficiently punished so he may now have sex with you? You are extremely selfish.

YOU married for better or worse as well. When do you make any sacrifice for your marriage? Or do anything to make him happy? Why is it all about you? Just because you think denial of sex isn't a violation doesn't mean he does. You are forcing him into a sexless marriage. If he divorces you or cheats on you over it, you'll cry victim. No man is going to stay married to or not cheat on someone who is perfectly capable of having sex but refuses simply because she doesn't want to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 07:13 PM
 
3,089 posts, read 8,497,586 times
Reputation: 2046
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
You could also film that and let people watch
good idea! put up on youtube instant fame and riches. You mam are an epic genius
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,447,774 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
To you it's the least harm done because you get to have your cake and eat it, too. Why don't his feelings count? Why is he suppose to wait around for you to decide that he's been good boy and sufficiently punished so he may now have sex with you? You are extremely selfish.

YOU married for better or worse as well. When do you make any sacrifice for your marriage? Or do anything to make him happy? Why is it all about you? Just because you think denial of sex isn't a violation doesn't mean he does. You are forcing him into a sexless marriage. If he divorces you or cheats on you over it, you'll cry victim. No man is going to stay married to or not cheat on someone who is perfectly capable of having sex but refuses simply because she doesn't want to.
It's not about getting cake and eating it too. It's about standing by a spouse with a problem. Not all problems are physical. For example, what if your spouse were uninterested in sex because of depression? Sex isn't something you force on a person unless you're into rape and even then it's still wrong. There would be great harm done if you try to force the issue. Doing without, OTOH, doesn't seem to cause serious harm at all. People make the choice to be celebate all the time and are no worse for the wear.

If I feel I want something but my husband needs something else, his need overrides my want. My husband can go for long stretches uninterested in sex, probably from depression. At least that's my take. Do I have the right to say "Pony up bud"? Of course not. He needs to work through what he needs to work through. If I, for whatever, reason were not up to having sex, then I'd need to work through what I needed to work through. No one is going to die or even get sick if they don't get sex when they want it.

Needs trump feelings. That's why his feelings don't count. If you have a spouse dealing with something like depression that's affecting your sex life, you help them. You don't insist they give you what you want. That would be, incredibly, selfish.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top