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You know, back to the original question...'caught looking at porn'???!!
Whaddya mean, 'caught'? Did you both agree that he wouldn't do it and he broke the agreement?
I mean, I know plenty of people, both men and women, who enjoy occasional porn, and to insinuate that there's automatically something wrong with it (so they get 'caught' doing it) is a little off-base.
There's porn addiction and there's harmless porn enjoyment. Big difference.
Accepting who she is, does not mean accepting what she does.
Exactly.
Quote:
If she is doing things to annoy you, then of course you don't have to accept it. But if you know that she is this way and theres nothing that you can do or say to make her change, then you either accept her or move on.
Most women do this from my experience, this means I shouldn't accept that most women could discuss it, and come to a compromise? That's far too absolute a definition in my book.
Most women do this from my experience, this means I shouldn't accept that most women could discuss it, and come to a compromise? That's far too absolute a definition in my book.
I think you can talk to her about it. If she never learns, that means that there is no changing her. This is who she will always be.
But I don't think many women have this compulsion to be that way once they have been told that it gets in the way of your relationship. So just talk to her.
You know, back to the original question...'caught looking at porn'???!!
Whaddya mean, 'caught'? Did you both agree that he wouldn't do it and he broke the agreement?
I mean, I know plenty of people, both men and women, who enjoy occasional porn, and to insinuate that there's automatically something wrong with it (so they get 'caught' doing it) is a little off-base.
There's porn addiction and there's harmless porn enjoyment. Big difference.
Yes, I agree, but men keep picking women who are so rigid, as shown on here.
The problem is you have to look at where the least harm is done. Having sex with someone who doesn't want it is rape. Even if coerced. Unwanted sex is a violation of the person. Denial of sex is not. If there's something wrong and your spouse doesn't want sex, then you need to help your spouse figure out what's wrong.
I don't get this attitude. If a spouse were physically ill and could not respond sexually, no one would bat an eye about their SO being expected to stand by them but if whatever is wrong results in their spouse not being interested in sex, it's grounds to cheat? No. Psychological issues are just as real as physical illnesses. You married your spouse for better or for worse, you help them work through it.
Sex is not a necessity. Not having your body violated is. You take the past of least harm and that is doing without while your spouse works through their issues.
It's frustrating to want sex and not get it but that's all it is, frustrating. My husband often doesn't want sex when I do. I'm not sure why but he has to work through his issues. I can't force it.
To you it's the least harm done because you get to have your cake and eat it, too. Why don't his feelings count? Why is he suppose to wait around for you to decide that he's been good boy and sufficiently punished so he may now have sex with you? You are extremely selfish.
YOU married for better or worse as well. When do you make any sacrifice for your marriage? Or do anything to make him happy? Why is it all about you? Just because you think denial of sex isn't a violation doesn't mean he does. You are forcing him into a sexless marriage. If he divorces you or cheats on you over it, you'll cry victim. No man is going to stay married to or not cheat on someone who is perfectly capable of having sex but refuses simply because she doesn't want to.
To you it's the least harm done because you get to have your cake and eat it, too. Why don't his feelings count? Why is he suppose to wait around for you to decide that he's been good boy and sufficiently punished so he may now have sex with you? You are extremely selfish.
YOU married for better or worse as well. When do you make any sacrifice for your marriage? Or do anything to make him happy? Why is it all about you? Just because you think denial of sex isn't a violation doesn't mean he does. You are forcing him into a sexless marriage. If he divorces you or cheats on you over it, you'll cry victim. No man is going to stay married to or not cheat on someone who is perfectly capable of having sex but refuses simply because she doesn't want to.
It's not about getting cake and eating it too. It's about standing by a spouse with a problem. Not all problems are physical. For example, what if your spouse were uninterested in sex because of depression? Sex isn't something you force on a person unless you're into rape and even then it's still wrong. There would be great harm done if you try to force the issue. Doing without, OTOH, doesn't seem to cause serious harm at all. People make the choice to be celebate all the time and are no worse for the wear.
If I feel I want something but my husband needs something else, his need overrides my want. My husband can go for long stretches uninterested in sex, probably from depression. At least that's my take. Do I have the right to say "Pony up bud"? Of course not. He needs to work through what he needs to work through. If I, for whatever, reason were not up to having sex, then I'd need to work through what I needed to work through. No one is going to die or even get sick if they don't get sex when they want it.
Needs trump feelings. That's why his feelings don't count. If you have a spouse dealing with something like depression that's affecting your sex life, you help them. You don't insist they give you what you want. That would be, incredibly, selfish.
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