Men & Women as selective? (dating, girlfriends, married, love)

[Rapture]

The age difference thread made me think of this.

I met my SO on a singles site and I remember reading the profiles of people on there. There is always a section where you descibe what you're looking for including a checklist for things like, age, haircolor, height etc...Woman usually had a more narrow range like age 30 to 40 but men would have 20 to 50. Woman would select one or two hair colors and men would say "any". The only thing men would be sure to point out is they wanted someone under a certain weight or what they call on single sites "Athletic". Also, men never seemed to care what the education level was, where woman wanted someone educated.

Question is: Is that info. reflective of what men & women want? Are men less selective? Are women just a pain in the butt and too choosy?

[MoMark]

Originally Posted by Rapture

The age difference thread made me think of this.

I met my SO on a singles site and I remember reading the profiles of people on there. There is always a section where you descibe what you're looking for including a checklist for things like, age, haircolor, height etc...Woman usually had a more narrow range like age 30 to 40 but men would have 20 to 50. Woman would select one or two hair colors and men would say "any". The only thing men would be sure to point out is they wanted someone under a certain weight or what they call on single sites "Athletic". Also, men never seemed to care what the education level was, where woman wanted someone educated.

Question is: Is that info. reflective of what men & women want? Are men less selective? Are women just a pain in the butt and too choosy?

I think younger women, clearly not all of them, are impressed more by a man's business success and assets than they are by his looks. Yeah there are the bad-boy chasers, but younger women often look for economic security first, then hope they find something in the inside that they can love besides the material benefits.
I find older women...late 30's, 40's, 50's, don't give a crap and want a man who simply is someone whom they can trust, depend on, genuinely love, who communicates with them openly, and is past the games.
I personally don't care so much about hair color n' stuff.
I tend to like brunettes and dark blondes best with an occasional redhead. Natural blondes who are too pale and have those invisible eyelashes and eyebrows... turns me way off, but I could live with it. Also those women who bleach their hair to pillow-white and are super white themselves... I don't get it. If they walk in front of typical indoor space, all you'll see is their disembodied eyes. That's why I find Nicole Kidman for example completely unattractive with that dyed blond hair. It's too pale, she's too pale, and she's invisible. With red hair...she's hot!


I really notice brunettes with pale complexions and light eyes. !
But I like women who are naturally feminine without walking in clouds of cloying perfume, huge chunky jewelry, and can get down and dirty and still be clearly ladies. I love that. Practicality, level-headedness, slow to freak, etc...that gets my attention

[Cosmic]

Originally Posted by Rapture

The age difference thread made me think of this.

I met my SO on a singles site and I remember reading the profiles of people on there. There is always a section where you descibe what you're looking for including a checklist for things like, age, haircolor, height etc...Woman usually had a more narrow range like age 30 to 40 but men would have 20 to 50. Woman would select one or two hair colors and men would say "any". The only thing men would be sure to point out is they wanted someone under a certain weight or what they call on single sites "Athletic". Also, men never seemed to care what the education level was, where woman wanted someone educated.

Question is: Is that info. reflective of what men & women want? Are men less selective? Are women just a pain in the butt and too choosy?

If you really understood what I said before, you already understand. This is the classic way of making a mistake. It is Profiling in the worse way.

Profiling has one huge over riding disadvantage and can be applied to any process that requires a selection process, not just something about dating or peeps finding partners, it can be about letting contracts, buying a car or computer. Anything where a set of specs is available tear and compare.

What you just described is actually the big end of a selection process. Horribly biased, horribly screwed up to give the expected results. Both men and women will fail in most regards in getting the best match. More luck and accident than science. No level of adjusting the inputs will actually change the process. As with any logic diagram, the starting conditions on the left will determine the feedstock and affect the final outcome on the right.

All the factors you list are actually minor in a good process. They are final trimming factors after major selections have been made if still available. There is this dude that promises to "Match you at a deeper level", Duh, like what???????????

I probably could write a book on how you select anything, given a bunch of choices. But it really starts back to what your criterion is. Where do you as an individual want to start? Not how that classic profiling works. A lot of it is a come on. The women try to appeal to a short term sexual image. The men has a few more options but they can fake it a lot to appear as the best catch in the pond. In short, there is zero decent criterion available to select anything other than maybe some type of modeling assignment. Nothing in any of it gives any idea of how passionate they might be. The best lookers can be some total duds.

In my case I want to start with her brains, always did, always will. Other than a one or two night jump. Then work thru a bunch of more mental based things, hopefully still having some choices in how she looks and the typical things related to what a profile might list. I will always zero in on the smartest babe in the room. Hope I can adapt to the rest.

I always hope she has 3 Phd's, makes a million a month and can bang like a bunny all night. She might be whatever age, whatever hair color, hopefully a decent build, hopefully a decent person that is flexible. Loyal like a fur-friend without any bad habits. Everything else can be finesed.

There is this joke:

This engineer named Jim. Wright acts as a sponsor for this guy from China named Lee Wong. Wong is married and comes to the USA for a job with the same company as Jim. Jim guides him to a very successful start in his career.

Finally the Wongs have a baby. They attempt to name her Jim in appreciation for his help. It never works out. Try as hard as they might. Two Wongs were never able to make a Wright.

[plaidmom]

What happend to the "women are smarter?" comment???

LOL!

Wanted to give you a rep point!

[plaidmom]

Are men less selective?

I think men are just desperate.

You know the joke....
"Show up naked. With beer. "

[Rapture]

Cosmic - funny joke.

You are describing yourself and what you want but that might not be how the majority thinks. It always seems men cared more about looks than women. On the single sites, it seemed the opposite when people had to actually answer questions in a profile.

[Rapture]

Originally Posted by plaidmom

I think men are just desperate.

You know the joke....
"Show up naked. With beer. "

LOL, you are going to get flack for that one.

[Rapture]

Momark...slow to freak? I can interpret that several ways. What did you mean?

[mainebrokerman]

rapture good question,,,, tho, no one right answer, its an opinion answer,,i chuckled at your comment about guys,,,"trading off" brains for beauty,,,,when it comes to woman,
most men do like eye candy,,,a tight nice butt, nice eyes, hair, and how she carries herself, boobs,,,,arent a prioroity with me,,,its what they are born with,,,so i like them all sizes,,,

as a man matures,,,he does start looking deeper into a serious "mate-set" of characteristics,,,,such as employment/security/ can she cook?? is she clean??
is she a control freak?? etc.

in all seriousness,,,,about 4-5 yrs ago,,i was single,,i went on match.com...thought i struck the lottery,,,all these single woman,,,(with pictures!!) and all i had to do was ask them out over a keyboard,,and possibly a phone,,
still being stung from divorce, still being an island (shelled,self- protectionism)
still apprehensive as hell,,,about the whole "scary" dating thing,,,,but i ventured,,,,in the land of flirtation....and found myself laughing alot,,,i found myself talking to woman,,that too,,were very guarded,,with themselves and kids,,,,but just wanted someone decent to share time with,,,even if it were ,,,scrabble,,,,or,,a fun time "out" whatever they wanted to do,,

anyways,,i ended up meeting over 46 woman,,,,,i had a rule,,"first dates" were friends only,,no expectation of kisses,,etc....and any awkward moments,,either one of us,,,without offending the other,,just gets up and leaves,,,,thats it,,
what i found,,most single woman wanted,,or had a void,,,was "could they ever really trust a guy" again,,and that scared them,,they got burnt,,,and dont want to go near the fire ! but,,they missed,,a strong pair of arms around them,,,,,a guy to give them a rose, a guy to slowdance with,,,,or a guy she'd like to cook for,,,and also, many single woman dont feel so secure,,,they have things to worry about, most single guys dont,,,,if some kook,,approaches them,,,,,or thier house/apartment,,
im sorry to ramble,,just differences in single woman/men,,

for a couple years,,i had a blast,,had many dates,,,and re-discovered,,having fun,,allowing myself to have a good time,,,i was so suppressed with b.s. and pain/hurt from the years prior,,it took alot to laugh again,,
most, if not all the woman i met online, were very decent,,,most wanted to move right in after just a month,,,,,,thats kinda a turn off,,,and ladies,,unless a guy asks,,dont mother a guy, drop the "you shoulds" especially when it comes to our own kids,,,,had quite a few woman,,,,,very opinionated,,as to how i should spend time with my son,,,i told her the ground between my son and i,,is hallowed ground,,,and not for her to judge,,(i only knew her a month)

part of the excitement of dating,,is BECAUSE we are so different,,,,yet on many levels,,we are much alike (as genders)
i had it in my head,,it would be a fun night,,,no matter what!,,

there's also a dynamic,,i want to throw out here as we talk about dating/relationships,,,,none of us are perfect,,,and its HEALTHY to kick back to someone you may be dating thier quirks,,,by getting burnt in the past,,,we can recognize the red flaggs,, blurt it out,,,, dont appease,,appeasement is half the reason ,,,of divorces,,,,we didnt stand our ground early on,,in past relationships,,
also,,,you cant be a doormat,,with assertive or type a personalities,,you will get steamrolled,,,,you have to challenge these personalities and quirks immediately,,,,will it be a turn off?? early on,,probly not,,,but everything is out in the open,,nothing festering,,(they already know they are impatient,,,and self-centered,)
actually its not a bad idea,,,to see how someone reacts to conflict....see if they immediately go off the deep-end,,or a screamer,,or worse,,start throwing things,,,any of this,,run away!! any sign of a control freak..run away!

[Rapture]

mainebrokerman - I guess whatever happens as long as you can look back and say you had fun, you're ahead of the game. I had a good experience dating on the internet and ended up with someone I'll spend the rest of my life with. The other people I dated were all decent guys, we just didn't click.

I think as woman have become more independent over the years they have also become more selective and not settling with the first guy that will marry them. I have a lot of single girlfriends ranging from 20's to 50's and they have good jobs, busy lives and do their own thing. I do notice though they have this laundry list of things they want in a guy, including how they dress, height etc... I really think it holds them back from meeting a great guy by limiting themselves. My mother always said, give it three dates and if you still don't like him, let it go.