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Old 05-19-2009, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
573 posts, read 963,426 times
Reputation: 526
Default Just sex, please

I don't know if one would call this "friends with benefits" but what is the deal with some men out there? I've been trying for over a year to find a gentleman type to just have fun with. I've been open and honest about what I want. I don't care for the whole sleeping around bit, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Ideally I'd like someone to have just one on one sex.

I'm sure a lot of men out there will say it can be done, but my guy friends laugh at me when I end up with these sensitive, tender types. What is the deal? Besides being totally honest about my situation up front, (and besides going the married route) how does one acquire a man to just have sex with without hurting his feelings?

And before any crazies tell me how much of a hussy I am, pause for a moment. I'm trying to save money, finish school, and do a million other things for myself that a relationship would otherwise take away from. So....can it be done? Can guys just have sex?

 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,346,248 times
Reputation: 3607
Oh sweetie you must live in the Bible belt because I promise you here in LA you'd have them lining up around the block. Yes you are talking about FWB and most men would give their eye teeth to have a woman they can just have sex with. I would wish you luck, but I don't understand how you'd need it.
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,681,702 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
Oh sweetie you must live in the Bible belt because I promise you here in LA you'd have them lining up around the block. Yes you are talking about FWB and most men would give their eye teeth to have a woman they can just have sex with. I would wish you luck, but I don't understand how you'd need it.
While it may be true in LA, you should see what's available around here... Half of the folks on dating sites can scare small children. One has some standards even in this type of arrangements.
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:30 PM
 
173 posts, read 298,402 times
Reputation: 164
Yeah, we're the same in this way. Call me a **** or whatever, but I love having 2 or 3 FWB instead of one boyfriend.
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
573 posts, read 963,426 times
Reputation: 526
Exactly. I've tried the dating websites....but even if they are listed under "intimate" it's really a sham, they want some type of relationship.

And CES, I live in Orlando, it's not too bible-ish! :-P
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Delaware...Oi
1,293 posts, read 2,164,894 times
Reputation: 529
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovebdj View Post
Exactly. I've tried the dating websites....but even if they are listed under "intimate" it's really a sham, they want some type of relationship.

And CES, I live in Orlando, it's not too bible-ish! :-P
Define sham. If it's exclusive, ya.

If your speaking of what yo-yo mentioned, then ya, I don't know of any men that like sharing.

The FWB situations I've had have all stemmed from relationships we knew weren't gunna work. We stay friends, both knew the other wasn't seeing anyone else, and it would continue until one or the other found someone else.
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:43 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 2,347,177 times
Reputation: 992
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovebdj View Post
I don't know if one would call this "friends with benefits" but what is the deal with some men out there? I've been trying for over a year to find a gentleman type to just have fun with. I've been open and honest about what I want. I don't care for the whole sleeping around bit, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Ideally I'd like someone to have just one on one sex.

I'm sure a lot of men out there will say it can be done, but my guy friends laugh at me when I end up with these sensitive, tender types. What is the deal? Besides being totally honest about my situation up front, (and besides going the married route) how does one acquire a man to just have sex with without hurting his feelings?

And before any crazies tell me how much of a hussy I am, pause for a moment. I'm trying to save money, finish school, and do a million other things for myself that a relationship would otherwise take away from. So....can it be done? Can guys just have sex?

I suspect (this is just my suspicion) that a lot of men might be put off by such blunt honesty.
Some men find such confidence intimidating.
You could probably get what you want if you just sort of phrase it differently.
Perhaps, "I'm not sure I'm entirely ready for a serious relationship at this point"?
It's not like the guy isn't still going to have sex with you, if you let him.
But it seems to me- in my experience, anyway- that guys still just feel the need to take the initiative in these matters.
All you have to do is sit there and say nothing (except "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship right now.")
Let the guy initiate the sex.
Afterward, just keep reiterating that you're still not sure you're ready for a relationship right now. It's not like he isn't going to come back for more no-strings sex. What guy wouldn't?

It could be that a woman actually stating, "I want no-strings sex!" is too intimidating for most men.

It sucks that we still have to play these games, but these deeply entrenched mind-sets don't just disappear overnight. Women have only been liberated for a few decades.
Give the poor guys a little time to adjust.

 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
573 posts, read 963,426 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
I suspect (this is just my suspicion) that a lot of men might be put off by such blunt honesty.


Thank you for this. I've been told by my guy friends that I can be what is described, but for me, I figure, the more brutally honest I am the more likely that said "person to have fun with" will appreciate my open communication and not take it for something else. If I just keep saying, "Well, not sure if I'd like a relationship at the moment" I would think that would be kind of stringing the guy along, no?
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:50 PM
 
2,059 posts, read 3,265,526 times
Reputation: 944
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
Oh sweetie you must live in the Bible belt because I promise you here in LA you'd have them lining up around the block. Yes you are talking about FWB and most men would give their eye teeth to have a woman they can just have sex with. I would wish you luck, but I don't understand how you'd need it.
haha. i thought the same thing
 
Old 05-19-2009, 08:50 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 2,347,177 times
Reputation: 992
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovebdj View Post
Thank you for this. I've been told by my guy friends that I can be what is described, but for me, I figure, the more brutally honest I am the more likely that said "person to have fun with" will appreciate my open communication and not take it for something else. If I just keep saying, "Well, not sure if I'd like a relationship at the moment" I would think that would be kind of stringing the guy along, no?

Maybe. Maybe I give guys too much credit for having the ability to read between the lines.
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