Is he blowing me off or could there be a good reason? (woman, attractiveness)

[oregonwana_b]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

There is NEVER a good reason. Those good reasons are to be found only in our heads when we want to justify somebody's lack of interest.

I agree with this 100%

[cricket_factor]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

Generally, no. It is what it is. You want that type of relationship, then you pretty much give up the the plusses of the other.

Having your cake and eating it too is usually not possible.

If you want to deal with gentlemen, get used to acting like a lady.

[oregonwana_b]

I have noticed that if a guy makes plans with you that are a week away.
So say on Monday he says he will try to see you on Friday, Saturday or Sunday,and you don't hear from him at least briefly in between that tiime, it's almost a given he wont be seeing you. Because normally if they likes you, they want to talk about the plans. They are excited about seeing you and want to make sure they pin the time down with you so you don't make plans with someone else. When they don't care, it is quite obvious and making excuses for them is desperate and unnecessary!
Just MHO.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by oregonwana_b

I have noticed that if a guy makes plans with you that are a week away.
So say on Monday he says he will try to see you on Friday, Saturday or Sunday,and you don't hear from him at least briefly in between that tiime, it's almost a given he wont be seeing you. Because normally if they likes you, they want to talk about the plans. They are excited about seeing you and want to make sure they pin the time down with you so you don't make plans with someone else. When they don't care, it is quite obvious and making excuses for them is desperate and unnecessary!
Just MHO.

Exactly. And she didn't mention any definite plans.

[blazejen]

Ohhh. Everyone has been there wondering, checking the phone, making excuses for the other person. "Maybe he lost my number." "Maybe he's in the hospital." "Maybe they are just really focused and have their priorities straight (which doesn't include interpersonal responsibility ooops)."

I hate to say it, because it sounds like you were very optimistic about what you could have with this guy, but think of it this way:

When was the last time you were really into someone and missed out on a date with them... and didn't even call to make sure you could reschedule?

I think you know the answer. You are not as important as something else in his life. Interpersonal responsibility is not as important as whatever else that is. The 'other' may be drugs, his drinking buddies, a sport, a tv show, even time alone... but the fact is something (and probably a few somethinges) were more important than hanging out with you.

I honestly think you know this. I think we sit around and wonder about the people who failed to call or follow up because we want them to give us a chance. I can't think of a single positive relationship that started this way. Just remember - it says something about him. It has nothing to do with you. Who knows what he has going on in his life or in his mind that prohibits him from some common courtesy? Obviously now is not the best time for you to be part of his life.

[malamute]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

I've been seeing a guy and on Monday he said he was going to come over to my house this weekend either Friday or Saturday. I hadn't anything from him since then and today is Saturday after 6:00 pm. I texted him twice today to see if he's coming and I haven't heard from him.

What should I do? I can understand maybe something came up he wants to do more, but he can at least text me with an excuse like that he's sick? How rude is it to leave me hanging without a word?

He's the one who made the plans in the first place too. Should I be mad or am I overreacting? Could there be a good reason?

It would depend on why he was supposed to come over. It sounds like a rather vague plan, someone says they're coming over Friday or Saturday. It doesn't sound like any sort of date.

I think if someone says they'll drop by for whatever this day or that, it's not set in concrete that they have to stop by at all if something else comes up, it's nice of course to let someone know.

[Woof Woof Woof!]

Originally Posted by yoyogirl

Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but when I saw him on Monday he was acting like he really likes me. Hugging and kissing and stuff and then invited himself over this weekend, wanted me to text him when I got home, etc.. Not acting like a guy who was about to move on and diss me. So you see why I think it's strange he would suddenly blow me off like that?

Monday was also the day I told him I just want to have sex with him and that's it. I also let it drop that I'm dating other guys.

If someone told me they just wanted to have sex with me and date other people, I probably wouldn't call them again either.

You are treating this guy like an object and acting like a ho, so why should he treat you any different? You sound like you are confused about what you want, promiscuous, and enjoy playing games with men. Not an attractive quality. Hopefully this guy has learned his lesson and moved on.

[yoyogirl]

Thanks blazejen. This rings true. This is exactly what I was looking for to hear and makes me feel a lot better. I was taking it personally, like I was inadequate in some way or this is a personal rejection of me, but like you say you never know what's going on with a person. That was my low self-esteem causing me think the worst and making me miserable.

I got together with an ex yesterday that I am still close to and he said the same thing. He's like "Why do you need this guy to give you your self-esteem? You should have high self-esteem regardless of how he treats you or what he is doing. That is about him, not you."

I think I accidentally fell in love with that guy though which I didn't want to do and it has been really throwing me for a loop.

A few people on this forum (not everyone) have been a bit rude and judgmental of me but I wish everyone was a little softer and realized that yeah I am a screwed up person when it comes to r/ships, I can't really help it, I've been to therapy for years, etc., and I'm doing my best. Has it ever occurred to you I may have a mental illness that is out of my control? I've come to the conclusion I'm not capable right now of a mature committed healthy r/ship so I'm not even trying to have one. It wouldn't be fair to drag someone else into that when I'm simply not capable of it. I would only hurt and disappoint them in the end. But at the same time I do want companionship. So why can't I have one without the other without being a "ho." I just don't think the name calling and judging and semi-abusive behavior is right or appropriate. But I guess this is the Internet where everyone is anonymous and I'm sure people say things on here they would never say in real life.

But anyways I'm feeling a lot better today. Thanks everyone for their help.

Originally Posted by blazejen

Ohhh. Everyone has been there wondering, checking the phone, making excuses for the other person. "Maybe he lost my number." "Maybe he's in the hospital." "Maybe they are just really focused and have their priorities straight (which doesn't include interpersonal responsibility ooops)."

I hate to say it, because it sounds like you were very optimistic about what you could have with this guy, but think of it this way:

When was the last time you were really into someone and missed out on a date with them... and didn't even call to make sure you could reschedule?

I think you know the answer. You are not as important as something else in his life. Interpersonal responsibility is not as important as whatever else that is. The 'other' may be drugs, his drinking buddies, a sport, a tv show, even time alone... but the fact is something (and probably a few somethinges) were more important than hanging out with you.

I honestly think you know this. I think we sit around and wonder about the people who failed to call or follow up because we want them to give us a chance. I can't think of a single positive relationship that started this way. Just remember - it says something about him. It has nothing to do with you. Who knows what he has going on in his life or in his mind that prohibits him from some common courtesy? Obviously now is not the best time for you to be part of his life.

[ExPit]

He could be in traction, he could have driven off the road and got stuck in a ditch, had both his arms pinned down by his steering wheel, his dialing and his texting digits incapacitated, or maybe he banged his head so hard off the dashboard that amnesia has already started to settle in, and not only doesn't he remember your name, he can't even call up his own...

Either that or he got a better offer. Maybe you've done the same. Have you ever had a cushion date lined up, meaning a back up plan if you couldn't hook up with the guy you really wanted to see?

[yoyogirl]

Ouch ExPit. Yes I have but that's exactly what I DON'T want to think is going on. Even if that happened, why ignore me? He could have at least texted "Can't make it I'm sick."

I'd rather not think there is somebody else he wanted to see more. Ugh. That hurts. Thanks.