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Men who hit women are scum...low life cowardly pieces of crap...period
However I have heard the term "abusive" used so often these days
hes psychologically abusive...hes sexually abusive, hes (LMFAO) financially abusive
often times it is what it sounds like, he IS abusive and manipulative...other times its bs...my wifes friend has told us her ex was verbally abusive...when pressed what it came down to is she was bossy and he didn't always do what she demanded...abusive???
I'm just careful with labels as these days they are thrown around haphazardly
Therapy isn't going to help someone who is a compulsive liar (which is what the guy I mentioned is - he'll lie whenever lying will benefit him more than telling the truth would) unless and until they get to the point where they realize what they are doing is wrong, and are willing to do the work to change their behavior.
well, i grew up with an extremely abusive mom physically, emotionaly, and sexually.
i have also allowed myself to enter abusive relationships. I think this happened because my dad would just ignore my mom's nastiness and things would go back to normal the next day. so that was the approach i took and never addressed their behavior and allowed myself to be abused and humiliated more or less
so i feel like i have a unique perspective.
for me,
1) any one who is outwardly mean/abusive to someone else for no reason, i completely despise. its a cruelty that i do not understand. and since i cant understand it, it seems like the worst behavior in the wordl to me. I can atleast understand the motivation of cheating/stealing/etc. but being cruel gains them nothing tangible.
2) Since i have been in abusive relationships, I do understand the difficulty women may encounter in trying to escape from them. Normally, it starts off like a honeymoon. Then they start getting mean, but manipulating you. and you kinda feel like youre ****ing up and waiting it out to go back to the honeymoon stage.
3) basically, it seems like abusive people arent just like that with their partners. they are just abusive. so, ive never kept a guy friend for long who acted this way and never really seem to make friends with people who would
My father was abusive, but never towards my mother. I think he knew even though I was afraid of him, that if he had turned his anger on my mom or sisters, I would have ended him.
I have also been in relationships with women who could become abusive. Generally only verbally abusive, but there have been instances when it has become physical. Sheesh, I must sound like a magnet for this, or that I seek it out, but it's just worked out this way from time to time.
Still, though, men are clearly far more prone to be abusive than women.
What I've learned--not to excuse abusive behavior--is that it says everything about the abuser and nothing to do with the person on the receiving end. It took me a long time to realize it, but being abused doesn't mean there's really anything wrong or deficient about you.
Men OR women who are abusive to their partner, bf/gf, wife or husband are all terrible people who likely learned this behavior as children. Gender of the victim shouldn't really play a role here.
My father was abusive, but never towards my mother. I think he knew even though I was afraid of him, that if he had turned his anger on my mom or sisters, I would have ended him.
I have also been in relationships with women who could become abusive. Generally only verbally abusive, but there have been instances when it has become physical. Sheesh, I must sound like a magnet for this, or that I seek it out, but it's just worked out this way from time to time.
Still, though, men are clearly far more prone to be abusive than women.
What I've learned--not to excuse abusive behavior--is that it says everything about the abuser and nothing to do with the person on the receiving end. It took me a long time to realize it, but being abused doesn't mean there's really anything wrong or deficient about you.
highest rate of abuse actually takes place in lesbian couple relationships. Men are also little over 40% of all DV victims and women instigate 70% of confrontations. This is not counting emotional abuse. DV and abuse ARE NOT gender specific issues. Just because mens pain is largely ignored by mainstream, doesn't mean there are no male vicitms of DV
My father was abusive, but never towards my mother. I think he knew even though I was afraid of him, that if he had turned his anger on my mom or sisters, I would have ended him.
I have also been in relationships with women who could become abusive. Generally only verbally abusive, but there have been instances when it has become physical. Sheesh, I must sound like a magnet for this, or that I seek it out, but it's just worked out this way from time to time.
Still, though, men are clearly far more prone to be abusive than women.
What I've learned--not to excuse abusive behavior--is that it says everything about the abuser and nothing to do with the person on the receiving end. It took me a long time to realize it, but being abused doesn't mean there's really anything wrong or deficient about you.
so, since you have a similar background to me, you never felt that you got into those abusive relationshps due to lack of boundary setting or giving off a doormat vibe somehow?
i feel that way sometimes, even though due to my past with abusive relationships, I probably over compensate and act the opposite to avoid feeling like a doormat/wuss
Not a fan of anyone who purposfully harms another against their will for pure personal benifit
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