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If a guy is really so ugly that no woman ever shows a romantic interest in him. Then he has another option (besides growing 10 foot thick blast proof rejection armor and just plowing through the no's until he hits pay dirt). He can make himself the lightheartedly flirtatious friend-to-every-woman. By "lightheartedly flirtatious" I mean subtle...vveerry subtle, but leave every female friend with just a little hint that something lies beneath the surface, something she's dying to have.
I don't think it's really ever just looks per se. I've seen very homely people find their mate. You look at married couples and a lot of them aren't real physically attractive. Sometimes you see a guy that is not at all good looking but he has a why of acting and he'll always have an attractive or very attractive girlfriend.
I think disinterest should be pretty easy to spot -- if a guy looks at a girl and she sort of scowls when she turns away -- she's not interested. What looks like interest might be directed at someone else. There are ways women play with their hair, tilt their heads, try to look coy, that can mean they're approachable. They can walk a certain way when they're signalling interest - but again it might not be for the guy who thinks it's for him.
I'm very shy, and I doubt most guys would pick up on any signal that I'd like to be approached. I suppose I may glance at them, but discreetly, and then I might avoid looking so I don't get embarrassed. I tend to be more deer-in-the-headlights or shoe-gazing than to have any come-hither smile. Once I am approached, I will smile though. If I don't like someone though, I am clear, & may even say I am not interested directly, so there's no confusion there.
How do you handle your disability? Do you try to hide it or do you let everyone within earshot know so they can adjust their behavior to compensate? Girls who might be interested in you definitely need to be aware that many of their subtle signs will go completely unnoticed. Or they could easily just assume you aren't interested.
I don't try to hide it. But, I don't think most people know until I do something like try to read a menu or look at my watch.
I don't think it's really ever just looks per se. I've seen very homely people find their mate. You look at married couples and a lot of them aren't real physically attractive. Sometimes you see a guy that is not at all good looking but he has a why of acting and he'll always have an attractive or very attractive girlfriend.
Agree. I've seen plenty of less-than-attractive guys who have a way with girls.
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I think disinterest should be pretty easy to spot -- if a guy looks at a girl and she sort of scowls when she turns away -- she's not interested. What looks like interest might be directed at someone else. There are ways women play with their hair, tilt their heads, try to look coy, that can mean they're approachable. They can walk a certain way when they're signalling interest - but again it might not be for the guy who thinks it's for him.
Outright disinterest like that is usually recognized (but sometimes ignored) by most guys. Where there is confusion is that sometimes a guy can't tell if a girl is just being friendly or is interested in something more. That's the case with me with one girl right now, I know she likes me as a friend, but I can't be sure if she wants more as well. Normally I wouldn't bother to test the waters with a girl like that, I'd just leave it as friends. Other guys prefer to try with every girl where there might be a chance of something.
I'm very shy, and I doubt most guys would pick up on any signal that I'd like to be approached. I suppose I may glance at them, but discreetly, and then I might avoid looking so I don't get embarrassed. I tend to be more deer-in-the-headlights or shoe-gazing than to have any come-hither smile. Once I am approached, I will smile though.
Do you do other things like try to stand near him or make excuses to be around him? If all you do is glance once and look like a deer-in-headlights...and then top that off with telling them to get lost if you don't like them. I'm surprised any guy bothers to approach you at all!
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If I don't like someone though, I am clear, & may even say I am not interested directly, so there's no confusion there.
Yes, you've already mentioned that you call them creeps
It's a little bit of both. You approach some randoms and you approach some that you "think" want you to hit on them. The random one is the most nerve wracking because you see something you want and you go for it. It's kind of like jumping into a swimming pool. Where when you see a girl walking by and she slows down, makes eye contact, and smiles it is like slipping into a hot tub, nice and easy. Eye contact is really the way to go. She may be in a bad mood and may not be smiling but her eyes will give her way every time.
Yes and no, if there is eye contact with a smile for more than a glance when your away from each other. Fairly good indicator, her making excuses to touch your hand, arm or the like in conversation, but that's obviously not in the pre-approach phase.
You also have to figure if it's a gathering, bar, whatever, that they might have the usual mindset for both sexes, that while they'd like someone they might just be there to "see what comes up" and aren't actively looking around and such, or their social skills might be lacking in body signals and the like. Seen that as well. So in many cases, not trying to find out isn't the best move either.
So, sorry, I see no clear-cut, "this or that equates to this" answer. It's subjective, and dependent on the situation, and individuality of the woman involved.
I'm sorry but the first part of your post is bunk. It may have applied 20 years ago, but not now.
I've dated many women over my younger years when I bore a striking resemblance to Tevin Campbell. As I got older the dating wound down, but I'm a good judge of people by the way they act. In my experience, married/"taken" women are the most approachable. I still haven't figured out the true reason behind why that is, only that it is. My working theory is that they are confident that nothing will happen, so they create an outgoing persona - some take this to an extreme by being overly flirty - but very infrequently do I see women cross that line. Single women don't act like that, I'm sorry but they don't.
It's very easy to find a single woman; they're playing hard to get. No signs that you can see, probably have a bunch of female friends around them who think you're ugly and you have to roll the dice. "Taken" women are the strike opposite; they may roll with a few female friends, but they have a lot more male friends in their entourage.
I meet women every day who have a boyfriend or husband who are nice, approachable, touchy-feely, whatever. I've had married women clutching onto my arm dragging me somewhere, shopping or whatever. I've had "taken" women going out of their way to hug me. To them it's their way of "being friendly", it doesn't mean anything except in a select few instances where they're not happy - I once knew a girl who had just gotten in an argument with her husband and when she got around me she was a little bit more touchy-feely than usual; of course I don't wreck homes, but still.
SO the theory that a girl who is looking and smiling and touching your hand is single and wants to be approached, is just that...a theory with no basis in fact.
My theory: No single girl really wants to be approached unless you resemble Craig David.
Last edited by revelated; 05-27-2009 at 08:36 AM..
My theory: No single girl really wants to be approached unless you resemble Craig David.
Well we can go ahead and throw that theory in the trash. Because all kinds of women are madly in love with all kinds of men.
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I don't think we have the slightest idea!
If there's really no way to tell then why do I have such a high rate of success? Because of looks? Let's see...I'm skinny, untoned, going pre-maturely grey, and wear ugly old glasses because I can't afford new ones. The only thing I could possibly have going for me physically is my face (which is partially obstructed by my glasses anyway).
My personality vasilates between shy and awkward to outgoing and charming all depending on how I'm feeling about myself that day. And yet women find me attractive every day of the week and if I approach them they're receptive 10 times out of 10.
Figure that one out!
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