Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler
I talk to many women and men who are happily married but are still attracted to other people. Others though tell me that they no longer will feel attracted to someone now that they are happily married. I wonder who is telling the truth.
I know that I have been attracted to a few men I have worked with or interact with on a regular basis. I have to force myself to stop interacting with them so often because it is just so great to be with them. If I spend alot of time with them I start thinking about him alot. Yes, I told my husband about these guys and he understands.
So, if married, how do you fight the attraction you have with someone of the opposite sex?
I was tempted a few years back... my husband and I were going through a rough spot. I met a guy with whom I felt a strong connection. It was what I call a "mind f***" experience... the meeting of the minds was an incredible high. At first I didn't see the friendship as anything more than a friendship, so I didn't hide it from my husband. Then my husband asked me if I was attracted to the guy. The question caught me off guard... but I couldn't say "NO"... I then realized this other guy had been making overtures to me.
I hadn't recognized it before because my mind wasn't going there, and this other guy knew I was married, but he also knew we were having problems in our marriage. I think this other guy thought he was offering to help me out of a bad marriage. In fact he had said to me that he had helped his ex-girlfriend out of a bad marriage, but he emphasized he hadn't made the first move, she had. He told me this several times.
Fortunately, I am a person of faith and morals. I am also the mother of four children. I couldn't imagine tearing apart my children's home. My husband and I were in a rough spot, but we'd been in rough spots before and had somehow pulled through. This other guy made really good money, really good money. He had toys I'd only dreamt of having... he and I could talk about things which, quite frankly, left my husband's mind spinning. It wasn't just a physical temptation, although it was that... it was mostly a mental temptation. The temptation was real.
But I recognized it as a temptation and didn't take the bait. I cut off ALL COMMUNICATIONS with that guy - all communications. I turned away from him and didn't look back... the truth is, I bawled my eyes out as I wrote the goodbye email to that guy, and again when he called me the next day and I reiterated what I'd told him in the email.
Try this: imagine what life will be like 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Will you still be with the person you left your spouse for? Highly doubtful that you will... how could you ever trust someone, or how could he/she trust you, if your relationship started with broken marriage vows. How will your relationship with your children be impact? Will your friends and immediate family members trust you, because having an affair reveals a person's character.
It's been a few years now, and my marriage is stronger than ever. We are raising our children in a two-parent home. Our kids are not being forced to choose sides, and are not being shoved back and forth between households. The fact I made the choice I made when faced with temptation strengthened my marriage.
The best thing you can do when faced with a temptation to break your wedding vows is to eradicate the FANTASY thoughts going through your mind. Everytime the fantasy comes to mind, replace it with reality.
When you discard your spouse you may discard a set of "problems", but for what? No doubt, you'll exchange one set of problems for another set of problems. That's the reality of the situation at hand.