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Old 05-29-2009, 12:44 AM
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,008 posts, read 9,876,328 times
Reputation: 4125


Simple - I treat humans as two animals in one - the rational thinker and the raging, horny baby machine / hunter.

Just focus on the former. Easy. As for the latter part of you, well, everyone has their limits. Just tatlk to your hubby on what he is comfortable with. You may be surprised.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:57 AM
2,385 posts, read 3,502,405 times
Reputation: 2395
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
So, if married, how do you fight the attraction you have with someone of the opposite sex?
By realizing that the fantasy to cheat is just that, a fantasy. In your mind, a relationship can be anything you want it to be, but the person you've built up in your mind may not turn out to be like what you've expected. If you take that and add it to the potential heartbreak you could bring on the person that you love (your spouse), it makes the real-life risk seem like it's not worth it.

just my .02.
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:58 AM
Location: St. Paul's East Side
550 posts, read 1,340,181 times
Reputation: 258
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
I talk to many women and men who are happily married but are still attracted to other people. Others though tell me that they no longer will feel attracted to someone now that they are happily married. I wonder who is telling the truth.

I know that I have been attracted to a few men I have worked with or interact with on a regular basis. I have to force myself to stop interacting with them so often because it is just so great to be with them. If I spend alot of time with them I start thinking about him alot. Yes, I told my husband about these guys and he understands.

So, if married, how do you fight the attraction you have with someone of the opposite sex?

I was tempted a few years back... my husband and I were going through a rough spot. I met a guy with whom I felt a strong connection. It was what I call a "mind f***" experience... the meeting of the minds was an incredible high. At first I didn't see the friendship as anything more than a friendship, so I didn't hide it from my husband. Then my husband asked me if I was attracted to the guy. The question caught me off guard... but I couldn't say "NO"... I then realized this other guy had been making overtures to me.

I hadn't recognized it before because my mind wasn't going there, and this other guy knew I was married, but he also knew we were having problems in our marriage. I think this other guy thought he was offering to help me out of a bad marriage. In fact he had said to me that he had helped his ex-girlfriend out of a bad marriage, but he emphasized he hadn't made the first move, she had. He told me this several times.

Fortunately, I am a person of faith and morals. I am also the mother of four children. I couldn't imagine tearing apart my children's home. My husband and I were in a rough spot, but we'd been in rough spots before and had somehow pulled through. This other guy made really good money, really good money. He had toys I'd only dreamt of having... he and I could talk about things which, quite frankly, left my husband's mind spinning. It wasn't just a physical temptation, although it was that... it was mostly a mental temptation. The temptation was real.

But I recognized it as a temptation and didn't take the bait. I cut off ALL COMMUNICATIONS with that guy - all communications. I turned away from him and didn't look back... the truth is, I bawled my eyes out as I wrote the goodbye email to that guy, and again when he called me the next day and I reiterated what I'd told him in the email.

Try this: imagine what life will be like 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Will you still be with the person you left your spouse for? Highly doubtful that you will... how could you ever trust someone, or how could he/she trust you, if your relationship started with broken marriage vows. How will your relationship with your children be impact? Will your friends and immediate family members trust you, because having an affair reveals a person's character.

It's been a few years now, and my marriage is stronger than ever. We are raising our children in a two-parent home. Our kids are not being forced to choose sides, and are not being shoved back and forth between households. The fact I made the choice I made when faced with temptation strengthened my marriage.

The best thing you can do when faced with a temptation to break your wedding vows is to eradicate the FANTASY thoughts going through your mind. Everytime the fantasy comes to mind, replace it with reality.

When you discard your spouse you may discard a set of "problems", but for what? No doubt, you'll exchange one set of problems for another set of problems. That's the reality of the situation at hand.
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Old 05-29-2009, 06:07 AM
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,582 posts, read 33,179,774 times
Reputation: 14541
I'm married and don't have an attraction for other women.
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Old 05-29-2009, 04:40 PM
Location: Rockland County New York
2,984 posts, read 4,897,692 times
Reputation: 1278
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
My kid's 17. Still a child.
I met my wife when she was 17 and she had a better head on her than most of the dumb office bimbos I dated who drank themselves blind and spread their legs for every hunk that came there way. At age 17 she had direction, goals and a future. Her word was solid and her love true. We have been together now for 20 years.
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