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I don't know why I was afraid to ask for clarification on this--maybe because I was afraid of what his answer would be--but what do suppose a man means, specifically, when he says, "I need you to need me"? How do you separate that from being needy?
maybe he is intimidated by your independence and confidence. Whyte Byrd...ask him..b/c no matter what we say, we cannot read his mind, and everyone will have a different interpretation. No one can give you that answer but him...why don't you ask him...and then come back and claify...maybe he feels and I'm just guessing, that it isn't a question of him being needy, it could be, however, the fact that you are not warm, or you only want him there when you want him there, or, he doesn't feel confident around you because......
or
maybe he feels your using him, it sounds to me, like there certainly isn't enough communication here....you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart...and really listen, don't take what he says as an attack against your character...but as a willingness to listen and improve....he isn't making this up...he is feeling how he is feeling for a reason....
it could mean a lot of things and not one thing...people don't do or say things for one reason, but many.
The worse thing you can do here is assume you know why he's feeling this way...like I said, ask HIM...not us.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
maybe he is intimidated by your independence and confidence. Whyte Byrd...ask him..b/c no matter what we say, we cannot read his mind, and everyone will have a different interpretation. No one can give you that answer but him...why don't you ask him...and then come back and claify...maybe he feels and I'm just guessing, that it isn't a question of him being needy, it could be, however, the fact that you are not warm, or you only want him there when you want him there, or, he doesn't feel confident around you because......
or
maybe he feels your using him, it sounds to me, like there certainly isn't enough communication here....you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart...and really listen, don't take what he says as an attack against your character...but as a willingness to listen and improve....he isn't making this up...he is feeling how he is feeling for a reason....
it could mean a lot of things and not one thing...people don't do or say things for one reason, but many.
Hmmm Yeah. I see what you're saying. We're very close and affectionate with each other, very touchy-feely, very wrapped up in each other, can't get enough of each other, sort of relationship. In fact, he's told me people tell him he's walking taller these days--since me, he claims--so I must be doing something he likes. We've always been able to discuss anything but this topic just gave me a chill.
I know him well, he's definitely not a needy man. Believe me, it would drive me nuts if he were.
When all else fails - it's TOOL TIME! I just had my BF fix a clogged bathtub of mine - and was it ever a bonding experience when he explained to me how my body scrubs, body masks and hair was just jamming the drain up. Just give the innocent girly doe eyes - and agree you will be more careful blah blah blah... they love it.
Men don't like needy, but they liked to be needed. There is a difference. They like to feel heroic, even in a small way. I know a woman who was single for a long time and when she got married, her husband reminded her, "You should really let me help you sometimes."
Men don't like needy, but they liked to be needed. There is a difference. They like to feel heroic, even in a small way. I know a woman who was single for a long time and when she got married, her husband reminded her, "You should really let me help you sometimes."
I think a lot of that independent woman thing is what's killing relationships these days.
The more I think about it, I guess I do need to be needed in the relationship. It's not some validation of my manhood, because I've been doing my thing for my whole life, but the woman I'll marry will have the ability and means to take care of herself but allow me to handle certain aspects for her.
Do you think he's looking for a hole in the wall he can fill for her?
Don't think that's what he has in mind there, but you never know.
Nobody likes 'needy' in the sense I'm thinking, but everybody wants to feel needed on certain levels. Guess it validates them from just wanting you. *shrug*
Hmmm Yeah. I see what you're saying. We're very close and affectionate with each other, very touchy-feely, very wrapped up in each other, can't get enough of each other, sort of relationship. In fact, he's told me people tell him he's walking taller these days--since me, he claims--so I must be doing something he likes. We've always been able to discuss anything but this topic just gave me a chill.
well, that is something your going to have to realize in your own self...why did it give you a chill, do you fear needing? Yanno, it is ok to realize our own desires and needs...that is part of our path, to understand ourselves and what our desires and needs are. We all need something to help us feel accomplished and/or fulfilled. My point is...his word really scared you...why? By discussing this issue with him, may be a great way to understand yourself more. If you ask him what he means, his response may surprise you. It may not be what you want to hear, but perhaps he has a very valid reason for saying this....which may help you grow, hence, help both of you grow, and the relationship becomes stronger. What I'm saying is, you will grow until the day you die, if you allow yourself to...sometimes we cannot see in ourselves what others see...I believe life is our very own personal journey...and constructive critisisum can be a wonderful gift, if we don't spaze out and take it as a personal attack against our characters. Find out what he's thinking...communication rather then 2nd guess can be a very useful tool.
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