Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The one thing I had to get past was the ignorance of those who claimed that if everyone behaved this way, I must have done something to deserve it. I'll admit to enabling, but I will never accept that their behavior defined who and what I was. Funny enough, it took losing my friendship/respect/the relationship for some to own what they did and the rest are just too prideful or just plain dumb.
Yea, sometimes that does the trick. OTOH, there are those who are too thick to learn. While this thread isn't really about intimate relationships, I hear you. One motto I adhere to when it comes to my loved ones is that my love may be unconditional but our relationships are not.
I wonder if this type of stuff (avoiding personal responsibility) also manifests in other parts of people's lives (e.g., professionally).
I believe it does. There are many people who act like victims. They feel bad things happen to them, not through their own actions, but just because they have bad luck. You'll see these whine about their personal lives and in their jobs. If they don't get the job they wanted, the raise they think they deserve, etc., they never look at themselves to explain why.
I believe it does. There are many people who act like victims. They feel bad things happen to them, not through their own actions, but just because they have bad luck. You'll see these whine about their personal lives and in their jobs. If they don't get the job they wanted, the raise they think they deserve, etc., they never look at themselves to explain why.
Given that all we have control over is our own behavior, and even if we are wronged by another, focuss should ideally be upon what we can do to guide situations/events.
Given that all we have control over is our own behavior, and even if we are wronged by another, focuss should ideally be upon what we can do to guide situations/events.
At the very least on the social life scene, if certain people - including friends - display behaviors that I dislike, find annoying or even irritating, or frustrating... the first thing I remind myself is that I can't change them. So I either get used to those behaviors, lessen my exposure to these friends, or in some cases, drop them. My best friend and I are close enough that I can tell him what he does that upsets or annoys me; I've told him to hold me accountable for my behavior too.
But even this man, who is a great friend and whom I see as a lifelong friend, doesn't change, certainly not because I say he should.
At the very least on the social life scene, if certain people - including friends - display behaviors that I dislike, find annoying or even irritating, or frustrating... the first thing I remind myself is that I can't change them. So I either get used to those behaviors, lessen my exposure to these friends, or in some cases, drop them. My best friend and I are close enough that I can tell him what he does that upsets or annoys me; I've told him to hold me accountable for my behavior too.
But even this man, who is a great friend and whom I see as a lifelong friend, doesn't change, certainly not because I say he should.
Exactly. A little OT, but something happened this week at work that correlates a bit. Every quarter we have a cleaning house event. A mass invitation is sent and two hours are blocked on the calendar. I'm generally in charge of my group and I figured the invitation was enough, which was sent to two groups. My assumptions were wrong; 3 of 15 of my people showed up lol. Obviously, this invite wasn't enough of a motivator. I should have sent out private emails to my group. I should have assigned tasks (whatever). Point being, I'm not going to charge them during our next dept meeting. Rather than attempt to confront their behavior, I'm going to change mine first and see how that works out for the next clean-house.
Sometimes discrimination or glass ceiling plays a role in that. It isn't 100% any individual's fault 100% of the time
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
I believe it does. There are many people who act like victims. They feel bad things happen to them, not through their own actions, but just because they have bad luck. You'll see these whine about their personal lives and in their jobs. If they don't get the job they wanted, the raise they think they deserve, etc., they never look at themselves to explain why.
Changing your behavior to control other people's behavior isn't going to work unless you are using some fear or guilt tactics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn
Exactly. A little OT, but something happened this week at work that correlates a bit. Every quarter we have a cleaning house event. A mass invitation is sent and two hours are blocked on the calendar. I'm generally in charge of my group and I figured the invitation was enough, which was sent to two groups. My assumptions were wrong; 3 of 15 of my people showed up lol. Obviously, this invite wasn't enough of a motivator. I should have sent out private emails to my group. I should have assigned tasks (whatever). Point being, I'm not going to charge them during our next dept meeting. Rather than attempt to confront their behavior, I'm going to change mine first and see how that works out for the next clean-house.
Changing your behavior to control other people's behavior isn't going to work unless you are using some fear or guilt tactics.
Control isn't a word I would choose and guilt, et al, doesn't come into play. Granted, it's different at work than in our personal dealings in the day to day. The point of my example was to highlight that, for me, it makes more sense to look at what I'm doing, since I know exactly what I'm doing, before I try to figure out the reasoning of 12 other people.
I didn't say it's always the person's fault. But people are quick to find others to blame for their problems. The last place they'll look is inward.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
