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This alpha male stuff is just stupid, most of the true alpha males you just like without having to apply a silly name to.
Hi Chowhound,
I think it is pretty relevant. We have dismantled the social constructs supporting monogamy. Young women were difficult to access with protective extended families. Without these protections the decision making is primarily done by young women starting at 18 years old who are ridiculously easy to seduce by a minority of men on to the game. The result is jilted 30 year old women and frustrated betas. We have regressed into a semi-polygamous house of riot.
It's not that I like to be "mastered" by a man, it's just that sometimes I don't want to be the one who has to be in control of everything. Sometimes I'm okay with letting someone else "drive the car" metaphorically. I'm competitive, aggressive, direct, and ambitious by nature. I'm more masculine than many of the guys I know (although I can assure you I look very feminine lol). I like men who are all of those traits too because they let me relax. It's stressful always having to be "on."
I love examining social phenomena and how we human beings interact with each other. I especially love watching what we humans covet and respond to in our day-to-day lives.
When it comes to the "alpha-male" phenomenon, there is no doubt in my mind that confidence, natural charisma, and an ability to make other men follow you immediately puts a sheen on your image that women absolutely notice and desire. These men somehow exude something that makes other men defer to them. Because of the power and confidence that is imparted upon the alpha-male, he is able to be more open in his creativity. He does not have a fear of rejection or ridicule. This allows the alpha-male in question to construct novel circumstances where people tend to have a lot of fun and where they enjoy his company. If you are one of these guys and you can pull it off, women will be throwing themselves at you. It is a simple and obvious fact.
Now, the next question is, can a beta-male fake being an alpha-male? I do not think so. I have seen many try and they fail miserably. A beta-male is not desirable, but he is not offensive either. A beta-male acting like an alpha-male is just plain ridiculous and grating.
All of us men want to be the alpha-male. They have funner lives, make more money, have more adventures, and get more women. But, only a few men are born with this innate quality.
I love examining social phenomena and how we human beings interact with each other. I especially love watching what we humans covet and respond to in our day-to-day lives.
When it comes to the "alpha-male" phenomenon, there is no doubt in my mind that confidence, natural charisma, and an ability to make other men follow you immediately puts a sheen on your image that women absolutely notice and desire. These men somehow exude something that makes other men defer to them. Because of the power and confidence that is imparted upon the alpha-male, he is able to be more open in his creativity. He does not have a fear of rejection or ridicule. This allows the alpha-male in question to construct novel circumstances where people tend to have a lot of fun and where they enjoy his company. If you are one of these guys and you can pull it off, women will be throwing themselves at you. It is a simple and obvious fact.
Now, the next question is, can a beta-male fake being an alpha-male? I do not think so. I have seen many try and they fail miserably. A beta-male is not desirable, but he is not offensive either. A beta-male acting like an alpha-male is just plain ridiculous and grating.
All of us men want to be the alpha-male. They have funner lives, make more money, have more adventures, and get more women. But, only a few men are born with this innate quality.
Hi iwonderwhy2124,
I would disagree since you are missing a class of men who have been socialized to be equals and rely on poor instincts with women. I am somewhat like that myself. I was a dominant beta. I would do geeky things like play chess, but I would be among the best. I would tend to be more well read and tended to do things well in those areas. In college my friends would even try to play a strategy game in my absence since they wanted someone else to win. I was also respectable in athleticism. However around women, I had no good instincts and no good way to project this especially early in college. I have aggression and anger but I was socialized to be polite and jettisoned it. I later let it bubble up to the surface more and instead of emasculating one by taking their king or ripping a rebound away, I let it out socially. I had a friend who was also like this. He was a dormant volcano.
Thus this applies to successful beta provider men who have resources and careers but have horrible instincts with women. They are more socially influenced thus fall for the woman want equals crap. They are nice, sensitive and helpful because that is their instinct and cultural affectation. We have a doormat. However their minds can be quite potent and can destroy and replace this poor socialization and instinct. I had those things but then I converted my beta aggression into something more useful and edgy. I hate to lose *ANY* game including the mating game.
It's not that I like to be "mastered" by a man, it's just that sometimes I don't want to be the one who has to be in control of everything. Sometimes I'm okay with letting someone else "drive the car" metaphorically. I'm competitive, aggressive, direct, and ambitious by nature. I'm more masculine than many of the guys I know (although I can assure you I look very feminine lol). I like men who are all of those traits too because they let me relax. It's stressful always having to be "on."
This is EXACTLY what I learned 5 years ago when I started to figure out partner dancing. I always thought of myself as "enlightened." I was so brainwashed when I was younger I wanted to be wrapped around a cute girl's pinky. I wanted her to tell me what to do because that's what I thought women wanted today. I thought women wanted to be the boss.
Then I took up salsa dancing and I started to have a serious cognitive dissonance thing. The girls in class seemed so ready and willing to accept the follower role. Most of them just fell into the role and never struggled with giving up control. I just couldn't reconcile women wanting to lead and at the same time wanting to follow. Why didn't they rebel when they danced? Why didn't they storm out of the class when the teachers told them to follow, to not think about anything, to not learn the pattern that they were teaching to the men, to just dance and be pretty. In fact they volunteered to be followers by signing up for the classes! It seemed so misoganistic. But the girls stayed. I couldn't understand it. I even posted that question on a dancing forum.
Eventually salsa taught me the truth, most women do not want to be the boss. Passive men force them to be the boss. Sure, some did have trouble giving up control and remain "back-leaders" to this day. The back-leaders need a man who will TAKE the lead from them. Men in their daily lives didn't lead and they recognized that someone has to lead so they feel that they are forced to lead in life. They get so much practice at it, it becomes second nature to them. They have gotten so used to being in the driving seat in life they have a hard time giving up control, trusting a man, and LETTING him lead. They don't wait to see if he'll lead on the dance floor (which is absolutely essential if a man who is learning to lead in dance is ever going to learn how to be a good leader.) They assume he won't because that's their experience in life. But when a man does take the lead from them, they are very happy and truly enjoy the dance so much more. They always prefer a man who is a good leader. All followers do.
Incidentally you can't really blame women who react this way. And you can't blame passive guys for being that way. Modern women (in their actions) are teaching boys that women should be in charge. So the boys start to take a more relaxed approach to life. They have less get up and go than they would have otherwise. They get a taste of being in the passenger seat and they don't get much practice being in the driver's seat and it's scary, so they adopt a passive role in life. This just feeds off of itself. The boys never learn to lead and they force the women in their lives to take up the leadership role. And that reinforces the behaviour in the people around them, especially in their children. This is how the world is changing and it's the reason why I encourage everyone to learn partner dancing. Dancing can teach you truth in reality. It can teach men how to lead and it can teach women how to take the back seat when it's necessary.
If being in control all the time is so stressful, why not start off assuming a man is going to take the leadership role, why not wait for him and give him the chance to do it? Men today have learned that in order to have peace when dating, he needs to wait to see if she wants to lead. I suppose she interprets this as passivity and then sighs and starts to be the boss. If you don't like being to boss then don't do it. Make the man do it. He'll do it. In fact, when given the chance, he'll probably like it.
I would disagree since you are missing a class of men who have been socialized to be equals and rely on poor instincts with women.
gwynedd1, being alpha and beta doesn't have anything to do with women. The definition of alpha and the definition of beta both describe your relationship with other men, not how you act towards women. They only involve women when women put on the alpha uniform... when they assert their leadership over you. If they try to force you into an "equal partnership", they can only do it by taking the lead, which is of course a contradiction. A follower can NEVER create equality. Only a leader can. A follower can ask for equality, but when it demands equality it is no longer the follower. Demands are in the domain of leaders. Followers can not make demands. Only leaders can. Of course you wouldn't demand anything if you are in an equal partnership. And a proper leader should never, or hardly ever, demand anything. An alpha male is able to make people want to please him so he rarely has to demand anything.
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I'd give you rep points, but I must spread the love elsewhere. Damnit.
