Quote:
Originally Posted by JC JC Mom
ok now i feel bad for the lady.
I know that all that I keep all personal stuff to myself I dont even share most of the silly stuff with my friends or family... I so hate people being in my buisness... with that being said if it were me and my husband had cheated on me I know I would have great difficultly to open myself up to one of my friends and family member with the fear of I hate people being in my buisness and that it only takes one person to say "oh my did you hear what happen to JC JC Mom" and my buisness is now spread to our entire circle... So maybe he just needed to vent to an outsider 
I know it had to be awkward but it was probably just as tough for her.
I would still stay totally nuertral with "I'm sorry to hear that" |
I know that since things with my son have gotten so bad, I've been burdening my coworkers a lot with my problems.
I've never discussed much of anything personal before; it's not really my nature.
But sometimes when you're just
wounded, when you're walking around feeling like your chest is torn open, you start reaching out to random people in an attempt to relieve some of the horror and loneliness you're feeling.
Of course, nobody can really help, not in any
practical way.
But it
does help, somehow, when they listen and seem to understand.
Most of the women I work with are mothers, and do understand the sheer ungodly
weight of what I'm enduring.
I shouldn't be at work. I should be laying up in a hospital bed on a morphine drip, as bad as I'm feeling 24/7. I should be crawling into a cave somewhere to hide. But of course, like everyone, I
have to work. Life doesn't stop just because one has family problems.
The most comforting responses I've gotten to my attempts to reach out for help in my anguish have been personal anecdotes that female coworkers have shared with me about their own sons (or brothers, or other family members) who had drug problems or were on a terrible path, and somehow managed to turn it around and make a good life for themselves.
But even the standard "I understand. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. I'm really, really sorry it's happening" somehow eases the weight on my heart a little bit.
I just want the people around me to
understand.
I'm
hurting. I couldn't be hurting any worse if I were shot and bleeding. But of course all the trauma is emotional, and doesn't show.
I've never talked about my personal life with coworkers before, but somehow, now, I can't
not talk about it. I want them to
know.
I don't know why, but somehow it helps. It helps, just for other people to know.
I think reaching out this way must be a natural human instinct when we're in extremis or at the end of our ropes, either emotionally, mentally, or physically.
Different situations effect different individuals in different ways.
The situation the OP's coworker describes sounds awful, but I don't think it would be, like, the worst thing that ever happened to me. But then again, I'm not her. There's no telling
how it's effecting her. People commit suicide over failed relationships all the time.
The point is, she's in pain, and she wants other people to understand.
She knows there's nothing you can do to make it better.
She probably just wants you to understand, so she doesn't feel so alone.
Emotional pain can be very isolating, and it's terrifying.
I will stick with my advice of just telling her how truly sorry you are that this is happening. And maybe following up by asking her, in a few days, how she's holding up.
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