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my question is: is there any way to approach this subject so it doesn't sound derogatory and/or make a person sound like a snob?
(I'll wait for an answer on that before I join the discussion)
I think that the only people that will think them a snob in a negative way are the ones that aren't good enough to date them. But so what? There are so many other reasons that two people aren't able to become a successful long term romantic couple, that incompatibility due to social class, culture, life goals, money management and intellect are the least of it why the magic isn't there. Successfully finding someone to date where the love sparks fly plus is compatible for a long term relationship is very difficult. And that's why it takes most of us several relationship tries before we find that special life mate. And with each failed relationship, most of us try to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. So if I am considered a snob by those men beneath me, I don't care. I'm looking out for my long term happiness. No one is is looking out for me, they are only looking out for themselves (as well they should). It's natural for everyone to want the best life, the best friends, the best mate possible. We aren't all equally endowed, every individual is a unique combination of talents, faults and personality. So what they think of me, doesn't matter one bit to me. I am not here to please everyone I meet. I just look out for myself and those closest to me (my family, my boyfriend, my close friends).
If you didn't want your smart, successful best friend or brother or someone you care about to get seriously involved with a known skank (I mean skank, like the contestants in Rock of Love except with less class), no you are not a snob. You are a decent caring and concerned friend. This is the level of which I have observed, more than a few times. Maybe I think too much of these men and they are skanks too, but they don't have to be because they have so much going for them. Men should realize that women who appear intelligent, classy and nice can be fun too. (From someone who has been told she is too nice- blah.) But you won't have to hide their needles or get HIV tested every month. I guess some *smart* guys just like living dangerously.
Two things come to mind for me. I'm a 29 yr old guy.
1) Not ready to settle down yet. So I go for the ones that are easy to get and easy to let go. I'm still enjoying the dating life now.
2) We like the low-key mediocre looking women. 9 and 10 women need too much attention and upkeep and a phone call every 20 minutes. And they draw too much attention.
What? 9 and 10 women usually have great personalities. When I was younger, I certainly wasn't the most handsome man in the world, however I did work out 5 days a week and maintained a nice physique. I always found the prettiest women the most easy to approach. Did I get rejected a lot? You betcha. Pretty women are direct. I also had my share of success. Is this to say I rule out mediocre looking women? Not at all. Some of my best relationships have been with average looking females. What I have learned is in the end, it really does come out to personality and compatibility. Furthermore, women generally seem to be attracted to men that look the best they can and are confident.
I've dated and married "down" and will not make that mistake again. They were from a lower social/economic class than my family and beneath my educational level. With each, I had one strong common interest or activity, but after several years, that wasn't enough to keep me loving them. Intellectually, I had to talk down to them, and our long term goals were different. They weren't interested in watching PBS tv, indie or foreign movies with me or going to art museums. Owning my own house is important to me, but renting for the rest of their lives was fine with them.
With my current boyfriend, we are very well matched in terms of our upbringing and goals. We have many interests and activities in common.
I think that men are more likely to happily date and marry "down" if the woman in question is good looking enough.
Since when did watching movies get intellectual
Several intellectuals who bought million dollar houses continue to commit suicide with million dollar credit debts, they took themselves straight to the grave, and their intellect too
What's with the lower class bashing? My mother was of the highest class in my society and my father belongs to the lowest (heard of untouchables?). This is "taboo" in an Eastern Asian society in the 70s. It still cannot happen back there but I do not know how it happened back then.
Mom was wealthy and Dad was a pauper, basically born of cow herders. Guess who grew richer than who?
Your lower social class mantra just flew off the window
Several intellectuals who bought million dollar houses continue to commit suicide with million dollar credit debts, they took themselves straight to the grave, and their intellect too
What's with the lower class bashing? My mother was of the highest class in my society and my father belongs to the lowest (heard of untouchables?). This is "taboo" in an Eastern Asian society in the 70s. It still cannot happen back there but I do not know how it happened back then.
Mom was wealthy and Dad was a pauper, basically born of cow herders. Guess who grew richer than who?
Your lower social class mantra just flew off the window
There are simply some things money and an education just can't buy.
Several intellectuals who bought million dollar houses continue to commit suicide with million dollar credit debts, they took themselves straight to the grave, and their intellect too
What's with the lower class bashing? My mother was of the highest class in my society and my father belongs to the lowest (heard of untouchables?). This is "taboo" in an Eastern Asian society in the 70s. It still cannot happen back there but I do not know how it happened back then.
Mom was wealthy and Dad was a pauper, basically born of cow herders. Guess who grew richer than who?
Your lower social class mantra just flew off the window
There are many types of disparities. Social class, economic class, academic achievement... but even then there can be a clash between the arts and science majors, religious clashes... and my mom was not from a wealthy class, but just a much higher academic and intellectual level than my exdad. His mom ran a laundry to support her family, he was an electrical engineer, but he lacked a love for reading fine literature, music and the fine arts. Us kids never even clidked with him. When I was in high school, he announced proudly that he had joined the Book of the Month Club.
And yes, watching movies can get intellectual. I can't stand low brow comedy movies like Caddyshack, and not everyone wants to watch foreign movies like The Umbrellas of Cherbourg with subtitles or a Jane Austen film festival. And the point is, these issues matter to me. What matters to you is different. Plus you are a man, so for you an important deal breaker might be if the woman is overweight and not a perfect size 2. Your rationale might be that if you don't find her physically attractive, there can be no romantic love. But for me, it's the quality of my man's brain that's very important. I can't love a man that bores me intellectually. If there is no respect for his mind, there is no love.
And I care less about a man being wealthy, but he needs to at least have his financial act together. One doen't have to be a millionaire in order to own a home and live comfortably. He shouldn't be living week to week which is what my ex hubbie and the rest of his family was doing.
Everyone has their different dealbreakers. Men are more visual creatures than women. And a woman's most powerful sexual organ is her brain.
I think that the only people that will think them a snob in a negative way are the ones that aren't good enough to date them. But so what? There are so many other reasons that two people aren't able to become a successful long term romantic couple, that incompatibility due to social class, culture, life goals, money management and intellect are the least of it why the magic isn't there. Successfully finding someone to date where the love sparks fly plus is compatible for a long term relationship is very difficult. And that's why it takes most of us several relationship tries before we find that special life mate. And with each failed relationship, most of us try to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. So if I am considered a snob by those men beneath me, I don't care. I'm looking out for my long term happiness. No one is is looking out for me, they are only looking out for themselves (as well they should). It's natural for everyone to want the best life, the best friends, the best mate possible. We aren't all equally endowed, every individual is a unique combination of talents, faults and personality. So what they think of me, doesn't matter one bit to me. I am not here to please everyone I meet. I just look out for myself and those closest to me (my family, my boyfriend, my close friends).
thank you, that makes sense
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(From someone who has been told she is too nice- blah.) But you won't have to hide their needles or get HIV tested every month. I guess some *smart* guys just like living dangerously.
