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Lord knows I've tried to be that way...not having feelings of attachment or anything but I usually won't get into bed with someone I don't like in the first place or have any feelings for so it just intensfies/deepens them for me. Guess I'm too emotional...
Personally, IMO, most people that can completely do that are seriously damaged...again, IMO.
There's separating them, then there's just being unfeeling. If you can do that completely you can't view the other person in any other light other than an object for you're own needs. So, I'd just say you were normal. THAT woman, and I use that term loosely in this case, was not.
I would never consider sex with at least someone I thought had good qualities other than boobs that could keep a sinking PT boat afloat. Sh*t does happen, and I'll be damned if I'd even entertain sex with someone who I thought was a genetic detriment.
I have passed on one other in recent memory that I just thought the gum she'd been chewing for the past hour had more substance than she did. Mild bit of regret later in the week, but I got over it.
Personally, IMO, most people that can completely do that are seriously damaged...again, IMO.
There's separating them, then there's just being unfeeling. If you can do that completely you can't view the other person in any other light other than an object for you're own needs. So, I'd just say you were normal. THAT woman, and I use that term loosely in this case, was not.
I would never consider sex with at least someone I thought had good qualities other than boobs that could keep a sinking PT boat afloat. Sh*t does happen, and I'll be damned if I'd even entertain sex with someone who I thought was a genetic detriment.
I have passed on one other in recent memory that I just thought the gum she'd been chewing for the past hour had more substance than she did. Mild bit of regret later in the week, but I got over it.
I agree that people who are disrespectful, cold, uncaring, and do things like talk others into something they don't want to do then throw them out like yesterday's newspaper are off and are fairly detestable.
With that being said, I think it is possible CARE about someone and be RESPECTFUL without having romantic feelings for that person. You seem to feel like anyone who is able, emotionally, to engage in say a one night stand, is somehow emotionally damaged. I disagree. You can care about a person and have a respectful, mutually pleasurable experience, without having a romantic / long term attraction to them.
Sure, there's reasons not to have a one night stand, and that sort of thing definitely isn't for everyone, but I don't think the fact someone engages in that periodically means they are "damaged." It just means they like sex.
Can YOU have sex without the emotional element? Thoughts? Experiences?
Absolutely. Sex in of itself, is a physical thing. It is not emotional, spiritual, mental or anything else. Those things are what you feel with the person you are in love with. Ive had terrible terrible sex with someone I loved, and had great mind blowing sex with someone I did NOT love.
I dont want to hear anything from the local CD "Goody Two Shoes" or "Ned Flanders" types saying that sex without the emotional blah blah blah part is empty or not as good because I strongly disagree.
I think the majority of women are totally unable to have sex without the emotional element or they think that its for some reason soooooo much better with feelings, emotions, etc. involved. But I have to say that they are as different as night and day. The physical is separate and independent of the emotional. Sex is a physical activity and as such, its very easy to do without all the feelings and emotions involved.
Sure, there's reasons not to have a one night stand, and that sort of thing definitely isn't for everyone, but I don't think the fact someone engages in that periodically means they are "damaged." It just means they like sex.
Have to disagree there. To me, personally, again, before panties get bunched up....
Separating the two to the point of not caring at all on some level to me is no different from picking out the street-corner woman with the most teeth remaining. I'm sure a good deal of her 'clients' might be respectful towards her, but there's little to no feeling outside of sating a desire.
There are levels, if I **** anyone off due to this belief, sorry, tough. I won't get melancholy or otherwise if it was a FWB sitiuation as they can be "separated" to certain levels, but I won't say I wouldn't "care" about the person or time spent either, that is just not in my book normal. So, yes, I would consider someone damaged that could separate them completely.
Last edited by Waynec613; 06-11-2009 at 05:31 PM..
Have to disagree there. To me, personally, again, before panties get bunched up....
Separating the two to the point of not caring at all on some level to me is no different from picking out the street-corner woman with the most teeth remaining. I'm sure a good deal of her 'clients' might be respectful towards her, but there's little to no feeling outside of sating a desire.
Well, the whole premise of my post was that its possible to do that whilst still caring. E.g., caring isn't the same as "I'm interested in a romantic relationship."
How do you define "caring," out of question?
And don't worry, no underwear bunched up here. I know everyone feels differently on stuff like this. Personally, while I'd probably be cool with a one night stand under the right circumstances, I'm not so sure its really my thing either. I'm just not sure the "damaged" label is a good one. Sometimes it fits, but not always.
Well, the whole premise of my post was that its possible to do that whilst still caring. E.g., caring isn't the same as "I'm interested in a romantic relationship."
How do you define "caring," out of question?
And don't worry, no underwear bunched up here. I know everyone feels differently on stuff like this. Personally, while I'd probably be cool with a one night stand under the right circumstances, I'm not so sure its really my thing either. I'm just not sure the "damaged" label is a good one. Sometimes it fits, but not always.
I think part of the issue is what you define "emotional attachment" as here. If I'm thinking about having sex with a woman I need some level of comfort with her, this means knowing the person even at the surface level and identifying partially with her.
I could envision a half-hour conversation leading somewhere, and if it were stated she had no interest outside of that evening for companionship, I can say I would be fine with it depending on the day asked. That said, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed at a slight wistful level once the evening/morning had passed, as I can not view someone I'm having sex with as a simplistic sperm-extractor with maybe some emotional need tie-overs from the in-between bouts.
The people IMO that can separate that completely are in the initial stages playing a role without any identification with the other person in order to do this, hence damaged in my view. Same as someone looking to "pay for play", tell them with detachment what's necessary to get what you want without much, if any identification to the other.
Last edited by Waynec613; 06-11-2009 at 05:54 PM..
I think part of the issue is what you define "emotional attachment" as here. If I'm thinking about having sex with a woman I need some level of comfort with her, this means knowing the person even at the surface level and identifying partially with her.
I could envision a half-hour conversation leading somewhere, and if it were stated she had no interest outside of that evening for companionship, I can't say I wouldn't be fine with it depending on the day asked. That said, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed at a slight wistful level once the evening/morning had passed, as I can not view someone I'm having sex with as a simplistic sperm-extractor with maybe some emotional need tie-overs from the in-between bouts.
The people IMO that can separate that completely are in the initial stages playing a role without any identification with the other person in order to do this, hence damaged in my view. Same as someone looking to "pay for play", tell them with detachment what's necessary to get what you want without much, if any identification to the other.
Yeah, I can totally see where you are coming from. And that's partly why, if the casual thing happens at all, I'd much rather it be a FWB type deal than an ONS. The comfort level alone is important.
That said, if, say, two people meet in a club, are really into each other, and have a good romp in the sack, and then go their separate ways and both are cool with that... I still don't agree that means they are somehow damaged. We can agree to disagree on that though, 'cause like I said, I definitely get what you are saying .
Absolutely. Sex in of itself, is a physical thing. It is not emotional, spiritual, mental or anything else. Those things are what you feel with the person you are in love with. Ive had terrible terrible sex with someone I loved, and had great mind blowing sex with someone I did NOT love.
I dont want to hear anything from the local CD "Goody Two Shoes" or "Ned Flanders" types saying that sex without the emotional blah blah blah part is empty or not as good because I strongly disagree.
I think the majority of women are totally unable to have sex without the emotional element or they think that its for some reason soooooo much better with feelings, emotions, etc. involved. But I have to say that they are as different as night and day. The physical is separate and independent of the emotional. Sex is a physical activity and as such, its very easy to do without all the feelings and emotions involved.
Couldn't agree more (can't rep you this time DaBeez...gotta spread the love). Sex with someone you love can be great; so can sex with someone for whom you have no feelings.
Animals -- and humans are animals -- are biologically programmed to have sex without emotional feelings. Nothing wrong with it, and indeed the species could not survive without it.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it....
Couldn't agree more (can't rep you this time DaBeez...gotta spread the love). Sex with someone you love can be great; so can sex with someone for whom you have no feelings.
Animals -- and humans are animals -- are biologically programmed to have sex without emotional feelings. Nothing wrong with it, and indeed the species could not survive without it.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it....
I've done both, just prefer the former to the latter, I think sex with people for whom you have no feelings gets old after a while, but we are animals, so....shrug..
Feelings develop during foreplay and sex. Am I some odd-ball that feels that way????
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mizz Pittsburgh
I can't. I almost always catch feelings. That's why I can't be anyone's 'jump off' (a person being used for sexual purposes only). I guess it would be different if, once the sexual encounter is finished, you get up and immediately put your clothes back on and leave, but in my experiences, I've always laid there, and cuddled up with the person and had pillow talk. That's when the feelings usually start to develop.
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