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Yes I knew she smoked, but I ASSumed she smoked like most people. Up to say half a pack to a pack maybe? Not her. 3 solid packs a day, lit one up every ~20 minutes by the clock when she wasn't chain smoking them. I only saw her once a week for several weeks before I found this out. Yes I should of ran at that point... I have seen the health consequences of her habit so far and she will suffer if she does not stop soon...
The second hand smoke you are getting from her must be wrecking your lungs.
And you must smell like a chimney after being around her.
It is important for us to recognize what we think is important to us.
The second hand smoke you are getting from her must be wrecking your lungs.
And you must smell like a chimney after being around her.
It is important for us to recognize what we think is important to us.
I am not a doctor to know what all damage SHS causes to a non smoker's lungs but I do know it is not good to breathe it in. I now stay away from her as much as I can when she smokes, and asked her to not smoke in the car with me. Subsequently she now has cut down alot when she is with me as she knows I can't stand it. So that is good. I do know she smells really bad after she smokes but I don't think I do but I could be wrong!
And you are right, it is very important to me to be with someone who values their life, and wants to live healthy and wants to be around for as long as possible. Being a heavy smoker does not allow this and that is why I have such a hard time dealing with this. So if I want her to be healthy and around longer I am seen as trying to change her, then so be it I am trying to change her! I should be thanked by her and her family for the positive change! LOL
And you are right, it is very important to me to be with someone who values their life, and wants to live healthy and wants to be around for as long as possible. Being a heavy smoker does not allow this and that is why I have such a hard time dealing with this. So if I want her to be healthy and around longer I am seen as trying to change her, then so be it I am trying to change her! I should be thanked by her and her family for the positive change! LOL
While I agree it's good to want to help, and re-inforce a positive habitual change. There is a point where I'd simply wanna pimp-slap you for it, and might actually wear down my life-span further from the stress of you being uber-nag.
Thank you! I now wonder is it the Non Smokers that only see it this way?!??
No, I am a non smoker but I wouldn't get involved with someone who smoked that heavily and didn't have the decency to not do it around me. If I did CHOOSE to be with a smoker I wouldn't feel justified in then getting my knickers in a twist over him smoking. You don't take on a relationship expecting that the other person will change the things that you don't like about them.
In the situation at hand, as I said, you need to make a decision and make that decision under the assumption that she won't change.
ttz, did you even READ your other thread? Why are you back here asking the SAME QUESTION?
Yes sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we have to leave people we love because of deal breaker things like this. I'm in the middle of doing it myself. You can either live with her smoking or not.
If you can - great! Shut up about it and let the girl make her own choices. If you can't? Print out a bunch of info on quitting smoking and hand it to her as you tell her goodbye.
It sucks that she is making that choice, BUT IT IS HER CHOICE. You can only control YOUR actions. There is no way to bully, beg or bribe her into changing. Move on. There are enough fish in the sea that you will find one that doesn't smell like a chimney.
I haven't read any responses to this thread. Honestly, you need to quit dating her. She either can't quit, or won't quit. You can't stand it, you can't tolerate it. You need to determine if this is a deal breaker. It sounds like it is to me.
I find myself in a deadlock and don't know what to do! Me and my gf have been having some serious problems, mainly stemming from her Nicotine addiction. ...
I just cannot handle her heavy smoking anymore and she cannot quit her 21 year habit. ........
Any sound advice on what we can do is welcomed! I know the quick and easy solution is to just end it and move on! But we really don't want to do that.
Pick your poison: booze, heroin, nicotine, et al. Addiction is addiction is addiction. What won't kill her today from her addiction, will kill her eventually, unless she commits to getting off the crap. Why should you wait around when waiting thus far hasn't even given you a glimmer of hope?
I am someone that loved an addict and buried him because of his addiction. I knew I should have split but instead, I hung on too long - just long enough to pick out the casket. I am also someone that misses my aunt daily - she died from smoking-induced emphysema. I am currently watching my sister and a close friend race to the finish line with COPD. They are both writing out their wills & final plans...and they are both still smoking.
So do what you want - it's only your life after all, your quality of life and the happiness found within. One of the best things about happiness & quality of life is that you get to share it with someone who wants to give it back in kind.
If you decide to stay, remember the years you will lose to this addiction. And have a good suit set aside for the funeral service.
You can get lung cancer, colon, brain aneurysm, stroke, car accident, you name it from doing EVERYTHING right, and still pick out a casket.
This philosphy I seriously don't get. If you love them, it wouldn't change jack leaving, and the habit really doesn't effect your relationship, what's with the normal rationalization anymore of leaving before they die?
I just don't get it. Would you have been a better person having left them to die? Do you regret being with them until the end? Seriously, wtf?
My boyfriend knew my anti-smoking sentiments when we got together. He did not smoke at the time. After we had been together for more than a year, he resurrected a pre-me smoking habit, which did NOT sit well with me. When it became apparent how much it affected our relationship, he quit.
I'm not stupid. I know he'll probably start again...maybe many times. It's an addiction not easily broken for the long-term, and he enjoys smoking and didn't WANT to quit, but he did for the sake of our relationship. But quitting tends to only be permanent when the person genuinely no longer wants to smoke. It took my dad forty years and a health scare, before the desire to be a smoker ceased, and when it did, he quit. But it took his fear of being seriously sick to outweigh his jonesing for a smoke.
My thought is that if my boyfriend wants a relationship with me, he'll keep making the effort, cravings be damned. If he doesn't, than the smoking is more important to him than the relationship, and why would I stay, were that the case?
I didn't dump him because he lapsed, although many people would have, when confronted with something that supposedly wasn't an issue when they signed on.
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LOL
Me and my gf have been having some serious problems, mainly stemming from her Nicotine addiction. ...
