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I find myself in a deadlock and don't know what to do! Me and my gf have been having some serious problems, mainly stemming from her Nicotine addiction. You can look at my previous posts if you want more info. Bottom line is we both love each other but this has destroyed our relationship but we still are hanging on and don't know what to do. We both are having a very difficult time and are very depressed and stressed out over it. I cannot sleep at all and I am edgy and short tempered and miserable. I know she is having similar problems too.
I just cannot handle her heavy smoking anymore and she cannot quit her 21 year habit. Almost the whole year we have been together we have fought over it. It has got to the point where we haven't been hanging out much at all anymore (2 months now) but we do talk on the phone and text daily. If the topic of smoking comes up we fight. The deadlock is as such:
-For me to tolerate and be with her more and try to have a nice time she has to quit smoking (or atleast not smoke in my presence which she cannot do) as I now get severe anxiety and aggitated when I see her smoke.
-For her to try and quit and be succesful I have to be patient, supportive and give her time to do it on her own which could be months or years.
I have been against smoking and made the mistake getting involved with her a year ago. She told me she wanted to quit soon so I hung in there and emotions got involved and it was not easy to just end it and move on.
(It the beginning it was ok I tolerated it fine but as time went on and I saw how addicted she was I got more and more concerned. Started to voice my concern and talked about it and it then slowly progressed to talking her into quitting and not letting up about it which I know is wrong)
I am afraid there simply is no solution aside from a lobodomy to myself to get this frustration and dissaproval of her habit out of my mind and just let her be and continue to smoke until she is "ready" to quit.
Any sound advice on what we can do is welcomed! I know the quick and easy solution is to just end it and move on! But we really don't want to do that.
If this is a deal breaker then it's a deal breaker. You knew she smoked when you started going out with her so obviously she had qualities you liked. Apparently your thing with cigarettes now overshadows those other qualities. Give the woman a break and stop seeing her. She won't have to put up with your nagging then, either.
As a smoker I think dumping someone because they smoke would be as dumb as dumping someone who didn't, but that's just me.
Ask her if she's willing to try Wellbutrin? My current BF that used to smoke when we were together 15 years ago, has just quit after having smoked for over 30 years. It isn't impossible.
And it's easy for some to say it's her life, but he is the one that will have to watch her skin turn leathery, her teeth turn brown, and her lungs turn black if he wants to grow old WITH her. So stick that in your hat and SMOKE it!
If she really doesn't want to make the effort, then I would suggest to just part sighting irreconsilable diffences. Perhaps down the road she'll realize she does have the strength quit.
Really, you need to work out why you are so stressed and anxious over her smoking. Your reaction seems way too extreme for the situation which says to me that you are actually transferring some other anxiety that isn't so "justified" as disapproving of her smoking. I'm guessing you are in love but terrified of that feeling. Afraid of commitment maybe? Don't want to feel vulnerable in a relationship? It could be anything but I will bet my bottom dollar it's not just about smoking, it's some other deeper anxiety that is expressing itself in this way and her smoking gives you an "out" but it's turning out to be not that easy.
Think about it this way, you went into this relationship knowing she was a smoker. Even if you thought she might quit, if it gave you this much anxiety from the start you would not have gone there. I think that you had an inbuilt way out from the start and you are caught in a dilemma of wanting to run and wanting to stay. The deadlock is in your mind more than in the relationship.
Boy.....I don`t know. I`m sorry that I don`t have much sympathy for you, because you knew that she smoked, BEFORE, ya` all even went out for the first time, and even though she did tell you, she was wanting to quit...still.......
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Me and my gf have been having some serious problems, mainly stemming from her Nicotine addiction. You can look at my previous posts if you want more info. Bottom line is we both love each other but this has destroyed our relationship but we still are hanging on and don't know what to do. We both are having a very difficult time and are very depressed and stressed out over it. I cannot sleep at all and I am edgy and short tempered and miserable. I know she is having similar problems too. 
