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I started a thread this time last year about my boyfriend of 7 years(now 8) who always had a running list of exuses why it wasn't time to get married. Solve one, another would come up.
Most all the replies were based along, he's Never going to marry you and why buy the milk/cow thing, and it will continue to be a list of new excuses coming up.
Well, it's a year later and a few more excuses until now he's finally out of ammo. It's a sealed deal that it's never going to happen.
I moved in recently with him based on only if marriage was on the table in the near future. It was agreed. Now I'm in, more issues of excuses like talk to the tax man, and blah blah. Until it got to a prenup, to a prenup would never be good enough, so it's not going to happen period.
I just wanted to let you guys know. You were totally right.
Now here I am with all my crap out of my house. I gave my furniture away, threw all kinds of stuff out, he moved both of my storage sheds to his place at my request which was a huge job. Most all my stuff is in the sheds.
I think about it, the whole time I was packing and moving, he never once helped me. I busted ass by myself. It wasn't until we got down to a few last pieces of big stuff did he help me, and he waited weeks on that. DAH, stupid me.
So now I'm facing stay there I feel with egg on my face or move back home.
I've offered to sell my house and give him the money towards his before. He never agreed but never said why. Later I realized why.
In my brain I gave him all of me based on one day we were going to be married. I even told him when we were years before at the point of a making a strong relationship and moving forward with it I was not in it for a lifer "boyfriend". He agreed. It's been a stringing along all this time. Maybe he thought he could do it and now it's time and he sees he can't. I don't know.
He says marriage is not important, that our relationship is. I think this could be true had I not had it in my head all these years we would be married. Now I think I'm more hurt over pride as he sees me as a financial risk to his future.
He won't take my money for his house. I can't call his house "home". I want to be home. Now it's on me. Make a decision on keeping or shacking up with a lifer boyfriend or not. Now to be intimate, why buy the cow is going thru my head.
He had made a comment the other night of he didn't realize until after he knew me for sometime that here's a girl that didn't know where her next meal was coming from. What the hell does that mean! I was broke, just getting into real estate, busting ass knowing one day my ship would come in and it did. (sunk now) Now I question his perception of me over all these years.
That's it. I'm talking to you because the whole issue with him is old and boring now and he's sick of hearing it. Thanks for listening.
I'm confused, you still have your house??? Then why aren't you moving back into it and leaving this scheister??? If marriage is what you really want, don't deprive yourself of it, find someone who is willing to committ to that for real. Otherwise you'll never be happy. Maybe you just have to hear this over and over again from strangers, but deep down you know I'm right. Leave him. Now.
Yes, let it be a lesson. If a relationship isn't making steady and certain moves toward marriage and marriage is what you want then don't waste your time. Usually guys know soon if they're with the woman they want to make a life with and will start popping the question but many men see no reason at all to commit or settle down.
So now I'm facing stay there I feel with egg on my face or move back home
Move now, not tomorrow but now.
Moving in with a guy is seldom a good idea from the woman's point of view. It a marriage killer from the get go. It is the surest way I know to remain a single woman throughout your lifetime.
Cow and milk indeed.
The one paying the biggest price for staying is you.
No woman of child baring age in her right mind should ever think about moving in with the boyfriend to play house. You're gonna get burned.
Woman have the most luck having children between 20 and 30. After 35 it becomes more difficult and risky and after age 40 you are facing real problems.
Most (I didn't say all) women want to me mommies. Nothing wrong with this, it's a natural thing and is why you were born with the parts you were born with. You allowed a man to steal eight precious years of your life. What the heck is the matter with you?
If I were your father you would have broken my heart for you.
Never move in to live with a guy if you are not married to him.
By moving not only did you waste eight years of your life you greatly dimmed any hope of finding a man who might have made even a better mate. What guy is going to be interested in a woman who is living with a guy?
I still have my house. What goes thru my head about moving back is:
It will hurt him and the time it's going to take to move my crap back out is going to be painful during that process. Or, can we have a lifer situation. Right now I can't see past that. So I'm living in pain trying to avoid more pain I guess.
Yes, let it be a lesson. If a relationship isn't making steady and certain moves toward marriage and marriage is what you want then don't waste your time. Usually guys know soon if they're with the woman they want to make a life with and will start popping the question but many men see no reason at all to commit or settle down.
Give it 12 months maximum. Six months dating, six months serious dating when he pops the question then six month months to the walk down the aisle. Do not let yourself be cheated out of your most valuable years. You will both know by then and never fall for the "the time isn't right" excuse. The time is never right.
Like having a baby, if you wait until the time is right you never will have children.
I understand you put a lot of time and effort into this relationship. I also see YOU FEEL it hasn't been reciprocated. How a man makes you feel is the most important thing. It's not what others think or make of your relationship, it's not even HOW YOUR GUY HIMSELF tells you your relationship is going (e.g. 'our relationship is important, not marriage), and it's not a question of marriage over companionship.
It's all about how you man makes you feel like.
Appreciation is included in the criteria, and I doubt he appreciates someone who doesn't know 'where her next meal is coming from'.
Also, you've put yourself in a delicate situation over the years, having to go over your marriage fantasy details every once in a while to give yourself courage to move some other things forward, such as moving in together. I don't think that brought you points either.
I'm trying not to mention anything about the guy himself and his behaviour, except for the simple maths that he doesn't want to marry so he doesn't get married. You want to get married but you won't because it takes 2 to do that. So - again - who emerges as weak in this relationship, and who is holding the knife and bread?
In my experience, when a girl accumulates as many bad points as you have with your guy, he doesn't end up marrying her. You may be a lovely girl, but you're forgetting who evaluates you - it's not me, it's him, and his behaviour represents his verdict.
And when a man wants to marry a woman, he proposes to her.
I still have my house. What goes thru my head about moving back is:
It will hurt him and the time it's going to take to move my crap back out is going to be painful during that process. Or, can we have a lifer situation. Right now I can't see past that. So I'm living in pain trying to avoid more pain I guess.
Ok, I see so you're more concerned about hurting him than your own pain and hurt???? If it's so time consuming to move why don't you ask a few friends or family members or neighbors to help, and maybe offer to buy them pizza and beer or something when you're they're finished helping you? A lifer situation?? Sounds like a damn PRISON SENTENCE!!!!
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If marriage is what you really want, don't deprive yourself of it, find someone who is willing to committ to that for real. Otherwise you'll never be happy. Maybe you just have to hear this over and over again from strangers, but deep down you know I'm right. Leave him. Now.
