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Old 09-30-2009, 05:14 AM
 
Location: Bon Temps
1,741 posts, read 4,563,405 times
Reputation: 1839

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I have both been there and done that... and all I got out of it was dumped.

I know it is easier said than done, to just back off a little bit and not be so smothering and as another poster put it, "overthinking".

Over a decade after the fact, I still think about mine a lot. It his gotten better over the years, but I still think about him too much and constantly go over in my mind how/when/where I went wrong...and have a project of trying to stalk him on facebook (probably not a healthy endeavor). I really really want to know how to view private profiles!

I really do not know how to advise, other than just offer support in saying that you are not alone in what you feel.
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Old 09-30-2009, 06:09 AM
 
Location: CasaMo
15,972 posts, read 9,340,961 times
Reputation: 18547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stac2007 View Post
I think you are a very sweet young lady and your boyfriend is not ready for a real relationship full of emotion. I think you should slow down and dump your bo. He does not deserve you. When he finds out how special you are, you will be long gone.
I disagree. I don't think he should be expected to just cut off all his friends to be considered ready for a relationship. And the OP said nothing about this guy, other than the fact that she does not trust him.
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Old 09-30-2009, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,175 posts, read 9,145,288 times
Reputation: 3961
Being overly poccessive is a sure fire way to chase away a relationship.
Being caged by anyone is a feeling of entrapment and breeds a desire to escape.
It doesn't matter if it's a new relationship or a 30 year marriage.
Try "trust".
If he proves to be untrustworthy, he isn't your whole world.
And then you will be free to find someone you can trust instead of trying to poccess.
You, yourself, are your world.
And don't you ever forget it. But don't be afraid to keep trying to find the person who might just turn out to be one who "shares" your world in a mutual and trusting relationship.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:25 AM
 
1,858 posts, read 3,537,820 times
Reputation: 1178
also you have to love yourself first before you are capable of loving ANYBODY

it doesnt sound like you are in love...you are in love with the fact of being in love...you are young and years down you will realize this is just a infactuation.

I am giving this advice because I have been down this road...

At your age you should be out having fun and not thinking about being tied to some guy emotionally.

I hope you be okay
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:38 AM
 
323 posts, read 805,099 times
Reputation: 161
Quote:
Originally Posted by imhurt View Post
I'm 20 and in my first relationship. I love my boyfriend but I'm completely obsessive over him.

I think about him all day and night, if i don't hear from him I think all these thoughts that there's something wrong, he's ignoring me because he's sick of me, he thinks im a pest, he's with another girl, he loves someone else.

I keep checking and checking that he still loves me, i ask him constantly if everything's alright. if he doesnt say he loves me after i tell him, i get scared that somethings wrong and that he's gone off me or wants someone else.

I read all his comments and status's on facebook, livejournal and myspace. I check daily for new comments or friends. I feel sick when he adds new girls on there, or when girls send him comments. When he texts people i get scared that hes texting other girls or planning to go places alone with them, when he meets up with female friends i think it's secretly a date.

when he goes out with friends in the niht time, i sit at home or go to bed and wait for the night to be over. otherwise i drive myself crazy thinking about all the women he might be with.

how can i fix this? he doesnt know anything about it, all he knows is the part where i ask him if he still loves me. apart from that he doesnt know how hurt i am inside because of it.

i love him so much, i feel like he's my only happiness. im so scared to lose him
You can't totally obsess over one person, nor is it a good plan to be dependent on another person for your happiness. You can't drive yourself crazy worrying about what he's doing, who he's with, etc., b/c it's not healthy for either of you. You are going to push him away with your neediness and borderline stalking, which is the opposite of what you seem to want. If you want to keep this guy in your life, you are going to have to trust him to have space and time to himself and trust that he means what he says (assuming that he says he loves you and wants to be with you and all that jazz). If you don't trust him to behave himself when he's out with his friends, or if you think he is cheating or would cheat on you, then you shouldn't be with the guy anyway. Good luck.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 14,608,249 times
Reputation: 3783
Yes. you are a pest, yes your behavior is annoying. No matter how old or young you are NO one like being pestered all day and all night. Only time and maturity will change your behavior. You are very young (mine is 21) and you are far less mature than she. Maybe I'm being harsh but as a Mom, I know these things and trust me, you can't obsess over someone like that. Get a new hobby,take a class, look into college if you haven't already and once you have other things to think about and some others to hang out with - your focus will change and you will start to become more confident and won't lean on him as much. BUT, if you continue on this path you will lose your boyfriend and it will continue to happen with each next boyfriend.
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:17 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,566,626 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by imhurt View Post
I'm 20 and in my first relationship. I love my boyfriend but I'm completely obsessive over him.


I'm 25 and in my first relationship too. Biggest mistake is to make a GUY be your life.


I think about him all day and night, if i don't hear from him I think all these thoughts that there's something wrong, he's ignoring me because he's sick of me, he thinks im a pest, he's with another girl, he loves someone else.

Self-fullfilling prophecy. He is with someone else cause you're the crazy girlfriend who leeches on him all the time! Let a guy get his space! A guy WILL leave you if you do that. My big brother did by moving away from his girlfriend while still coming over and play with his kids.

I keep checking and checking that he still loves me, i ask him constantly if everything's alright. if he doesnt say he loves me after i tell him, i get scared that somethings wrong and that he's gone off me or wants someone else.

You need to first love yourself. How can you know if your boyfriend loves you when you don't love yourself? You won't know love until you show it to yourself. His presence won't validate you, girl. He's not the source of love, he's just human, okay? Get some professional help like a counselor or something. Don't you have any hobbies? Are you really afraid of being alone? Why? I don't get that.

I read all his comments and status's on facebook, livejournal and myspace. I check daily for new comments or friends. I feel sick when he adds new girls on there, or when girls send him comments. When he texts people i get scared that hes texting other girls or planning to go places alone with them, when he meets up with female friends i think it's secretly a date.

At this rate, he probably already has.

when he goes out with friends in the niht time, i sit at home or go to bed and wait for the night to be over. otherwise i drive myself crazy thinking about all the women he might be with.

Definitely get help. Quick.

how can i fix this? he doesnt know anything about it, all he knows is the part where i ask him if he still loves me. apart from that he doesnt know how hurt i am inside because of it.

You're being co-dependent. Anyone whether guy or girl won't hang with poeple like you. Why didn't you tell him how you felt and if he doesn't say anything or is looking for somewhere else to get away from you, there's your answer. I hope that when he does admit that he doesn't or can't love you because of your possessiveness, please for the love of God, don't contemplate suicide.

i love him so much, i feel like he's my only happiness. im so scared to lose him

If he leaves, the world won't end. Everything will still be here. He's just a guy. ONE...guy.
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:17 AM
 
1,156 posts, read 3,770,528 times
Reputation: 778
Quote:
Originally Posted by yukiko11 View Post
I am an older woman and here is a secret that most women won't talk about or admit to. Women have huge egos. Especially when they are young, they get love mixed up with winning. It sounds like you need this man more to fill your ego and less to fill your life. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it is important that you do it. There is nothing more attractive to a woman in an ego driven relationslip than a man with one foot out the door. She will do anything, and I mean anything to keep him. She may stalk him, and fantasize about what he is doing without her or what his "real" feelings are about her. If she eventually wins, she will dump him in a minute because the excitement of the chase is over..
You need to stop being afraid of loosing something and start going towards something. You have your whole life in front of you and you will meet tons of interesting people in your life who will help you to mold yourself into who you eventually become. Do you really want to be a neurotic, needy woman who drives her man away because you cannot control his feelings even when you are not sure what yours are? Of course not. You said you were in school. Concentrate on your education and let what comes, come. You will be surprised how different you will feel in 6 mos to a year. I know you think you are different, sorry you are not, you are just growing up. It's OK, we all have to do it.
You hit that one out of the park Yukiko. Spot on.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: USA
11,169 posts, read 10,628,390 times
Reputation: 6381
What a miserable freakin' existence. If this is a real post, 'Glenn Close,' your butt deserves to be alienated. In fact, let him read this thread and the whole issue will be gone, done-dada. . he will be a speck of tiny dust in the distance, off running like Forrest Gump. Problem solved.
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Sango, TN
24,869 posts, read 24,301,440 times
Reputation: 8672
Quote:
Originally Posted by imhurt View Post
I'm 20 and in my first relationship. I love my boyfriend but I'm completely obsessive over him.

I think about him all day and night, if i don't hear from him I think all these thoughts that there's something wrong, he's ignoring me because he's sick of me, he thinks im a pest, he's with another girl, he loves someone else.

I keep checking and checking that he still loves me, i ask him constantly if everything's alright. if he doesnt say he loves me after i tell him, i get scared that somethings wrong and that he's gone off me or wants someone else.

I read all his comments and status's on facebook, livejournal and myspace. I check daily for new comments or friends. I feel sick when he adds new girls on there, or when girls send him comments. When he texts people i get scared that hes texting other girls or planning to go places alone with them, when he meets up with female friends i think it's secretly a date.

when he goes out with friends in the niht time, i sit at home or go to bed and wait for the night to be over. otherwise i drive myself crazy thinking about all the women he might be with.

how can i fix this? he doesnt know anything about it, all he knows is the part where i ask him if he still loves me. apart from that he doesnt know how hurt i am inside because of it.

i love him so much, i feel like he's my only happiness. im so scared to lose him
Sweety, I've got news for you.

If you keep it up to much, you won't have to worry about fixing it. He'll fix it for you by leaving you.

Now listen real close. You are 20 years old. You've got a good 60 years after where you are now. You're life has barely started, you'll find other people. The odds of you and your current BF making it are slim to none. Otherwise you'll find yourself at 40 years old, in a loveless marriage, dreaming of other people, and tied to a man and kids you probably won't want.

When a girl got to obsessive over me, especially in my 20's, she was gone, done, finished. I'd keep her around for some "special attention" if she was into that kind of thing, but it wasn't a relationship. Nothing worse than an obsessive partner.

I'm betting this is your first real love. I'm willing to bet you gave your virginity to this guy, or he was a close runner up.
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