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Old 06-18-2009, 03:51 PM
 
Location: .
133 posts, read 224,224 times
Reputation: 69

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Do you feel emotionally disconnected with your spouse, like you are down and tell your spouse you are feeling low , and spouse just listens and does not respond, or responds in a way that does not help. In my marriage I am a more of emotional type and my wife more of practical type, I told my wife, If I hurt or you hurt someone verbally , whoever it is and whatever be the reason, we have to apologize to that person, whether its spouse, friend or whoever, because verbal abuse is not good or a behavior which warrants apology to someone.

Emotionally my spouse fails to understand me to great extent, but surprising at times she also is on same page and I get a reply I expect , but those are very rare occassions, most of the times they are straight, down to earth replies.

Are there people who are emotionally disconnected in marriage or relationship. Does it help? Can it improve?

Moreover How would you know that is it worth staying with someone with whom you cannot emotionally connect well.
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 14,474,354 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raj_USA View Post
Do you feel emotionally disconnected with your spouse, like you are down and tell your spouse you are feeling low , and spouse just listens and does not respond, or responds in a way that does not help. In my marriage I am a more of emotional type and my wife more of practical type, I told my wife, If I hurt or you hurt someone verbally , whoever it is and whatever be the reason, we have to apologize to that person, whether its spouse, friend or whoever, because verbal abuse is not good or a behavior which warrants apology to someone.

Emotionally my spouse fails to understand me to great extent, but surprising at times she also is on same page and I get a reply I expect , but those are very rare occassions, most of the times they are straight, down to earth replies.

Are there people who are emotionally disconnected in marriage or relationship. Does it help? Can it improve?

Moreover How would you know that is it worth staying with someone with whom you cannot emotionally connect well.
Man, you're an idealist.

All my life I never apologized to loved ones or expected one from them.

Apologies belong in a professional environment in emails, office communique and discussion rooms, if you present a point and confuse people for 10 minutes straight and they cut you off.

Apologies are also political. Frankly, not even 10% of the apologies are genuine and from the bottom of the heart. How do you see through an apology? It's become something like "Well..." or "So..."

As long as you expect apologies from family members, you are not gonnabe happy. And you're not gonna get it the way you want it.

You make it sound like your wife is your business partner or share market fellow broker
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:18 PM
 
Location: far away in Europe
109 posts, read 188,247 times
Reputation: 79
Basically she does nothing wrong, she is just different to you, or, better still, let's say YOU are different to HER. Maybe if you put it this way it will shift the focus onto you instead of her, which eventually could make her feel more comfortable than with the silent battle you are fighting. She must sense what's going on in your head, just that her reaction is not overt.

While I understand how sometimes it can get frustrating to see that you cannot connect to someone, focusing on accumulating evidence to support this fact can be lethal. Don't forget that this is the person you married. You knew how she was and you married her - you can't get back at her now for being who she is.

Maybe you're focusing too much on hearing a certain reply, the reply that you expect. Maybe she does not answer because she's tired of you pressuring her into being someone who she's not so she just does not get into that kind of an argument with you (especially with her being the practical type, the behaviour would make sense).
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:26 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,067 posts, read 9,220,838 times
Reputation: 7951
Didn't you already acknowledge that your wife is abusive? That would explain the disconnect; she is not capable of feeling compassion, sympathy, etc. Please correct me if I am wrong.
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:30 PM
 
3,674 posts, read 7,173,903 times
Reputation: 2564
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raj_USA View Post
Do you feel emotionally disconnected with your spouse, like you are down and tell your spouse you are feeling low , and spouse just listens and does not respond, or responds in a way that does not help. In my marriage I am a more of emotional type and my wife more of practical type, I told my wife, If I hurt or you hurt someone verbally , whoever it is and whatever be the reason, we have to apologize to that person, whether its spouse, friend or whoever, because verbal abuse is not good or a behavior which warrants apology to someone.

Emotionally my spouse fails to understand me to great extent, but surprising at times she also is on same page and I get a reply I expect , but those are very rare occassions, most of the times they are straight, down to earth replies.

Are there people who are emotionally disconnected in marriage or relationship. Does it help? Can it improve?

Moreover How would you know that is it worth staying with someone with whom you cannot emotionally connect well.

Gee, not at all. She's my biggest supporter and is always looking out for me, and I try to the same for her. We're not perfect, but we love each other dearly.
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:45 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,353,196 times
Reputation: 11492
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colossus_Antonis View Post
Man, you're an idealist.

All my life I never apologized to loved ones or expected one from them.

Apologies belong in a professional environment in emails, office communique and discussion rooms, if you present a point and confuse people for 10 minutes straight and they cut you off.

Apologies are also political. Frankly, not even 10% of the apologies are genuine and from the bottom of the heart. How do you see through an apology? It's become something like "Well..." or "So..."

As long as you expect apologies from family members, you are not gonnabe happy. And you're not gonna get it the way you want it.

You make it sound like your wife is your business partner or share market fellow broker
Wow. Definitely not my experience. Apologies have been the norm with my family. Friends, not so much, but it depends.

Do y'all just bury it, don't talk about it ever again?
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:52 PM
 
Location: USA
4,983 posts, read 5,317,232 times
Reputation: 2506
If it were me, I'd tell that person exactly, and I mean exactly how I feel. And I wouldn't be afraid to say that this stuff could be the demise of the marriage. Fair warning, fair enough...
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 14,474,354 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
Wow. Definitely not my experience. Apologies have been the norm with my family. Friends, not so much, but it depends.

Do y'all just bury it, don't talk about it ever again?
Ok, I was just being rhetorical.

Of course, I did apologize to mom and dad when caught with a skinny mag like 15 years ago and other major offences like uncouth youth behaviour.

But apology is "NOT" the norm like Raj is making it to be, here.

It looks like Raj expects an apology on a 110% rate and that never happens in a family. Aren't all families forgiving and affectionate?

Only cubicle execs and bosses make a big deal about lack of apologies They write appraisal notes every season. "Extremely over-confident and hot-headed"
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:55 PM
 
Location: southern california
50,247 posts, read 47,554,186 times
Reputation: 41650
perma disconnect is bad
emotional detachment when necessary is good.
the rageaholic sees her incessant watching tv viewing a malady.
she is really getting some emotional safety.
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Old 06-18-2009, 05:12 PM
 
Location: .
133 posts, read 224,224 times
Reputation: 69
you are not wrong

Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Didn't you already acknowledge that your wife is abusive? That would explain the disconnect; she is not capable of feeling compassion, sympathy, etc. Please correct me if I am wrong.
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