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Last time I checked, FB is a virtual world, so I don't think I could equate communicating via FB as "highly" as communicating via cell phone.
Even BangBang said that what she wants is to be in his list, so even though his profile is made available for the public to see -- which would mean she could see the whole thing, she still is not satisfied. So THAT's demanding. I mean, if she sees her BF frequently (I'm assuming she does see him several times a week, at least), which means she already has PHYSICAL ACCESS to him, on top of access to call him and to hang out w/ him, what's the point of having ANOTHER ACCESS to him via FB? That's overdoing it, and that's why I think she's being overly demanding. Probably her BF doesn't want his wall to be plastered w/ her gushy comments (regardless of whether or not she would actually do it).
She did say that his profile is private, so unless you're friends with him, you can't see him. My profile is private too, and I don't think anyone can even search for me. I'm just a little paranoid about that stuff.
Other than that, I agree with you for the most part. If my girlfriend didn't want to add me as a facebook friend, it would make me go "huh?" but it wouldn't make me upset or feel that she has something to hide. I say this because I have no other reason to distrust her. If she doesn't go on facebook very often, then it's a no-brainer. She already keeps in contact with me and doesn't need another form of communication with me. Even now we're both facebook friends and I rarely look at her account or post on her facebook.
It all comes down to an issue of trust and new technology. 5 years ago I would have been fine having a girl's email. Now we can contact anyone and everyone who wants to make their information available to the public. Personally, I'd rather just email people.
I personally would not take his refusal to add you as a friend as proof that he doesn't care about you.
If everything else in the relationship were fine, this would not be an issue but it sounds like you are feeling less than important to him. Do you get angry if he wants to go out with just his friends? Do you resent the time he spends with others? Does he see you as controlling? Not saying you are, just does he feel that way?
I usually only see him two or three weekends a month. He spends time with his friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. as much as he pleases. I don't think he considers me controlling...like I said I don't see him and rarely talk to him during the week, so how could I be controlling him? He does whatever he wants when he's not with me (which is the majority of the time), and I don't ask about it and he doesn't say much about it.
If your boyfriend still refuses to do one simple little thing for you that you have brought up several times and he knows how important it is for you, then he is clearly showing disregard for your relationship. Yes, it seems there are other issues here, but I bet they are there because he is refusing to give you any kind of priority in his life. He is clearly saying through actions, that he could care less what you feel and about the relationship. This is why you are feeling frustrated. Because you want the relationship to work, and he is sabotaging your efforts.
I usually only see him two or three weekends a month. He spends time with his friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. as much as he pleases. I don't think he considers me controlling...like I said I don't see him and rarely talk to him during the week, so how could I be controlling him? He does whatever he wants when he's not with me (which is the majority of the time), and I don't ask about it and he doesn't say much about it.
You may have said this already so I apologize if I am asking you to repeat yourself but how old is he? It could be that he sees this relationship as much less serious than you do. You two aren't seeing each other that often. Have you been super direct and asked him if he feels as though you are controlling? Not that you are but he may THINK you are.
Are you thinking about breaking up over this or is this the tip of the iceberg and there are bigger issues?
You may have said this already so I apologize if I am asking you to repeat yourself but how old is he? It could be that he sees this relationship as much less serious than you do. You two aren't seeing each other that often. Have you been super direct and asked him if he feels as though you are controlling? Not that you are but he may THINK you are.
Are you thinking about breaking up over this or is this the tip of the iceberg and there are bigger issues?
He's 24. I've never asked him if he thinks I'm controlling because I feel like it would come out of nowhere. I know that he's not serious about our relationship, and only ever planned for it to be a short-term thing because he's working towards specific career goals right now and that comes first. I think he enjoys my company and after a year, he's probably gotten used to spending time with me, so he figures he'll just keep me around until it's time for him to go off and pursue his priorities. That's how I see it. I'm thinking that we should break up because we obviously want different things out of the relationship and I don't feel like either one of us is getting our needs met. But I think he has a lot of good qualities and I enjoy spending time with him also, so I can never seem to follow through with the breakup even though I feel that we're in a dead-end relationship. I think we should be seeing other people, but I'm not the type of person who can date multiple people, so if I'm going to date others, I have to completely break it off with him.
The same thing recently happened to me. I met this guy who I thought was decent and had some possibility. I friended him on Facebook. He told me he didn't remember his password to log in. That was a complete lie because I could see his status updates popping up into my news feed. The status updates weren't harmful like saying he was dating another girl, but the lie hurts. I'd rather he be honest and tell me that he was uncomfortable of being Facebook friends. I wasn't going to use Facebook to send him mushy messages on the wall post, gift him with teddy bears, or stalk his friends like crazy. I just wanted to friend him like a normal person. So after a while, I let it go and refuse to let this minor Facebook thing get to me and become a dramatic issue in the relationship. We spent less time talking and being together. Although he considered me "special," I just don't see us working out and ended it with him.
On another note, I find Facebook to be the one of the biggest crocks of s**t currently on the internet. Some people literally live on Facebook, posting every aspect of the lives on there, short of their bowel movements.
I usually only see him two or three weekends a month. He spends time with his friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. as much as he pleases. I don't think he considers me controlling...like I said I don't see him and rarely talk to him during the week, so how could I be controlling him? He does whatever he wants when he's not with me (which is the majority of the time), and I don't ask about it and he doesn't say much about it.
Two or three weekends a month.....is that what is considered g/f and b/f nowadays?
Two or three weekends a month.....is that what is considered g/f and b/f nowadays?
*shrug* I see my bf about that much. Of course, we're two and a half hours and an international border apart...but I don't know that the amount of time spent together would necessarily be indicative of the depth of the relationship.
IMO, he is hiding something or it wouldn't be a big deal to add you.
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