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Old 06-19-2009, 01:27 PM
 
7,025 posts, read 5,441,282 times
Reputation: 6118
Quote:
Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp View Post
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and he won't add me as a friend on Facebook. He's told me that he doesn't log on to Facebook very often and pretty much all the people who are on his friends list added him first and he doesn't talk to them. He has a private profile, however, so I can't see who his friends are or how often he uses the site. I have jokingly complained to him about not adding me because I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but it really hurts my feelings because it makes me think that he either doesn't think very much of me or doesn't want to publicly acknowledge our relationship to his friends. I've never sent him a friend request because I don't want to be rejected by MY OWN BOYFRIEND, but he knows that I would gladly accept if he sent one to me. I understand that social networking sites have the potential to cause drama in relationships, so that's why I haven't really pushed the issue, but am I wrong to feel even somewhat slighted by this??
Listen Bang Bang. I love that name.

I would make the raciest picture you can of yourself. I mean doll up your hair, buy and wear a red silk shirt with 2 or 3 buttons down from the collar with a black lacey bra underneath. Highlight your hair or curl it to a point where even he won't know it's you. Then put on the make up, and spray tan...etc. Then take a picture of you in a distorted light. I would say a morning sun where the sun gives you the beautiful glow.

Then I would send him a request with that picture. Make sure your profile is private. When he checks your profile it will be private. When he adds you then he will be able to see you are you.

I know, I'm awesome!!

Let me know what happens.

 
Old 06-19-2009, 01:59 PM
 
199 posts, read 369,167 times
Reputation: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by jason28 View Post
if your relationship cant stand not being added as a friend on someone's myspace/facebook, i dont think you guys are going to get very far. You should probably end it now before one of you gets called hurtful names like doody head or dumby face.
rolf
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:08 PM
 
72 posts, read 198,143 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Listen Bang Bang. I love that name.

I would make the raciest picture you can of yourself. I mean doll up your hair, buy and wear a red silk shirt with 2 or 3 buttons down from the collar with a black lacey bra underneath. Highlight your hair or curl it to a point where even he won't know it's you. Then put on the make up, and spray tan...etc. Then take a picture of you in a distorted light. I would say a morning sun where the sun gives you the beautiful glow.

Then I would send him a request with that picture. Make sure your profile is private. When he checks your profile it will be private. When he adds you then he will be able to see you are you.

I know, I'm awesome!!

Let me know what happens.
Haha, that would be funny except for the fact that I would have to make a profile with a different name also, otherwise he'd automatically know it was me.

But just to sum things up, I'm basically seeing three different sentiments from people:

1. I'm overreacting about this whole Facebook thing, and the real problem is that I'm insecure and/or don't trust my boyfriend.

2. It does seem a bit shady that he doesn't want to add me, and I should talk to him about how that really makes me feel and see how he responds.

3. He's definitely up to no good and I should DUMP him!

Ok, I'm definitely not going to dump him over not adding me on Facebook. I'm sure he could come on this forum and tell you all something about me that would make some of you say "Dump her!" also, but that would be without knowing the whole story. I think he's a good guy for the most part, so this issue alone is not a dealbreaking offense to me.

For those of you who say that since he has a private profile, he must be hiding something...I have a private profile also that he's never seen, and I'm not hiding anything. I just don't want random people looking at my info. I left my relationship status blank so it says neither "single" or "in a relationship", but I do have a few pictures of us in my photo album (they're not tagged). The people on my friends list who are actually my friends know that he's my boyfriend. And if someone who didn't know were to ask me about it, I would say that he's my boyfriend.

Even if he had a public profile and I could see all his interactions with people, I would STILL feel slighted that he won't add me. I worry more that he's hiding ME from other people more than that he's hiding what he's doing on Facebook from me. I don't think he wants to go out of his way to acknowledge that he's in an exclusive relationship with me. Not because he wants to cheat on me, but just because he doesn't feel like what we have is worth acknowledging. On the other hand, he may just be worried about Internet drama like some of you mentioned, or think that I might get jealous of some of his female friends, but I'm already aware that he has female friends that he associates with, so it wouldn't come as a total shock.

Another guy I dated actually put together a physical photo album of pictures of the two of us and took it to work to show people after we had been dating for about a month! I thought he was jumping the gun a bit, and since we're no longer together, he obviously wasn't the guy for me, but the point I'm making is that at least I knew he wasn't ashamed of me or our relationship. And with the current boyfriend, I'm not so sure. I can understand not plastering someone all over your profile after a couple of months of dating, but if after a year of being in an exclusive relationship, I'm still not on your frickin' Facebook friends list? I know it's a LITTLE thing, but it makes me feel like he doesn't want to acknowledge me or our relationship. Guys, if you really cared about your girlfriend and she meant something to you, would you seriously NOT add her?
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:16 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 1,511,804 times
Reputation: 491
Quote:
Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp View Post
Haha, that would be funny except for the fact that I would have to make a profile with a different name also, otherwise he'd automatically know it was me.

But just to sum things up, I'm basically seeing three different sentiments from people:

1. I'm overreacting about this whole Facebook thing, and the real problem is that I'm insecure and/or don't trust my boyfriend.

2. It does seem a bit shady that he doesn't want to add me, and I should talk to him about how that really makes me feel and see how he responds.

3. He's definitely up to no good and I should DUMP him!

Ok, I'm definitely not going to dump him over not adding me on Facebook. I'm sure he could come on this forum and tell you all something about me that would make some of you say "Dump her!" also, but that would be without knowing the whole story. I think he's a good guy for the most part, so this issue alone is not a dealbreaking offense to me.

For those of you who say that since he has a private profile, he must be hiding something...I have a private profile also that he's never seen, and I'm not hiding anything. I just don't want random people looking at my info. I left my relationship status blank so it says neither "single" or "in a relationship", but I do have a few pictures of us in my photo album (they're not tagged). The people on my friends list who are actually my friends know that he's my boyfriend. And if someone who didn't know were to ask me about it, I would say that he's my boyfriend.

Even if he had a public profile and I could see all his interactions with people, I would STILL feel slighted that he won't add me. I worry more that he's hiding ME from other people more than that he's hiding what he's doing on Facebook from me. I don't think he wants to go out of his way to acknowledge that he's in an exclusive relationship with me. Not because he wants to cheat on me, but just because he doesn't feel like what we have is worth acknowledging. On the other hand, he may just be worried about Internet drama like some of you mentioned, or think that I might get jealous of some of his female friends, but I'm already aware that he has female friends that he associates with, so it wouldn't come as a total shock.

Another guy I dated actually put together a physical photo album of pictures of the two of us and took it to work to show people after we had been dating for about a month! I thought he was jumping the gun a bit, and since we're no longer together, he obviously wasn't the guy for me, but the point I'm making is that at least I knew he wasn't ashamed of me or our relationship. And with the current boyfriend, I'm not so sure. I can understand not plastering someone all over your profile after a couple of months of dating, but if after a year of being in an exclusive relationship, I'm still not on your frickin' Facebook friends list? I know it's a LITTLE thing, but it makes me feel like he doesn't want to acknowledge me or our relationship. Guys, if you really cared about your girlfriend and she meant something to you, would you seriously NOT add her?
Bangbang, first of all, your CURRENT boyfriend is NOTHING like your EXboyfriend. Just because your most recent EX was parading you on his page, does not mean that every guy that you date the next time "should" put you on his page.

Second, yes, even those people that CARE and LOVE their spouses do not add their spouses onto their socializing pages. See previous posts from other people that say so. Even I, married to my husband, do not add him to my page, and neither does he to his page. I don't need to be on EVERYTHING that he is involved in. He loves me, he cares about me, and he comes home to me. That is all that matters to me.

Third, you mentioned that even if your BF's page is public, therefore open for your eyes to "check up" on him, you're still upset that he won't add you. Are you serious!?!?! So let me get this straight: if he finally adds you on to his facebook, what exactly do you plan to do? What exactly are you trying to accomplish by him adding you to his page? I'm sure that by now, mostly everyone on his page KNOWS that YOU are his girlfriend. I sense that you're trying to "mark your territory", like someone else has pointed out earlier. You may not want to admit it, but that's how I see it.
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:29 PM
 
173 posts, read 290,261 times
Reputation: 164
Bang Bang, your instincts are correct. It would seem like he's keeping one foot out of the r/ship. If he was truly committed he would WANT to plaster you all over his page and shout it out to the world. I don't do Facebook, but I've seen msypace pages where the whole page is about the person's boyfriend or girlfriend and how much they love them. It's a little over the top, but if you are truly feeling someone, this is what you would do. I don't think he's as serious about your r/ship as you want him to be. He might see it much more casually than you do, even though it's been a year. If my year long boyfriend was doing this to me, I would be extremely offended.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you asked my opinion and I'm giving it.
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:37 PM
 
72 posts, read 198,143 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
Bangbang, first of all, your CURRENT boyfriend is NOTHING like your EXboyfriend. Just because your most recent EX was parading you on his page, does not mean that every guy that you date the next time "should" put you on his page.

Second, yes, even those people that CARE and LOVE their spouses do not add their spouses onto their socializing pages. See previous posts from other people that say so. Even I, married to my husband, do not add him to my page, and neither does he to his page. I don't need to be on EVERYTHING that he is involved in. He loves me, he cares about me, and he comes home to me. That is all that matters to me.

Third, you mentioned that even if your BF's page is public, therefore open for your eyes to "check up" on him, you're still upset that he won't add you. Are you serious!?!?! So let me get this straight: if he finally adds you on to his facebook, what exactly do you plan to do? What exactly are you trying to accomplish by him adding you to his page? I'm sure that by now, mostly everyone on his page KNOWS that YOU are his girlfriend. I sense that you're trying to "mark your territory", like someone else has pointed out earlier. You may not want to admit it, but that's how I see it.
SMS, I get that you're set on me just being insecure and not trusting. I also get that you and your husband are very secure in your marriage which is wonderful for you both. As long as both people are on the same page, everything is ok. My boyfriend and I obviously aren't on the same page right now. I'm not saying that he has to be like my ex, because as I said, he's an ex for a reason. I was just using him as a point of reference for the way that I feel someone behaves when they are proud of you. I'm not as insecure as you think. I'm not just dying to leave him lovey-dovey Facebook wall posts. I rarely call my boyfriend and don't see him that often, so I'm not tracking his every move. I know that he spends time with friends, male and female, and I don't give him grief about it. I understand that he has hobbies/interests outside of our relationship, and that's fine. Bottom line is that I feel that two people who care about each other should have no problems acknowledging the other person, and I feel that he DOES have a problem acknowledging me.
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:42 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 1,511,804 times
Reputation: 491
[quote=BangBangShrimp;9372724]SMS, I get that you're set on me just being insecure and not trusting. I also get that you and your husband are very secure in your marriage which is wonderful for you both. As long as both people are on the same page, everything is ok. My boyfriend and I obviously aren't on the same page right now. I'm not saying that he has to be like my ex, because as I said, he's an ex for a reason. I was just using him as a point of reference for the way that I feel someone behaves when they are proud of you. I'm not as insecure as you think. I'm not just dying to leave him lovey-dovey Facebook wall posts. I rarely call my boyfriend and don't see him that often, so I'm not tracking his every move. I know that he spends time with friends, male and female, and I don't give him grief about it. I understand that he has hobbies/interests outside of our relationship, and that's fine. Bottom line is that I feel that two people who care about each other should have no problems acknowledging the other person, and I feel that he DOES have a problem acknowledging me.[/quote]

If this is TRULY the case, then your problem is not about why he won't add you onto facebook. Facebook is just a SYMPTOM to your problem, or what you think is a problem -- his lack of acknowledging you. If his page is on myspace, you would be crying wolf about why he won't add you on to myspace, and the list will grow even longer.

To me, it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of what goes on in facebook, or any other socializing websites. I suggest that you take your venting off to the REAL issue. Talk to him IN PERSON. And when you do, DO NOT ask him about why he won't add you on facebook. Instead, the better question is this:

"Dear (insert name of boyfriend), it's been a year that we've been together and I'm feeling like you are still not on the same page in our relationship. Could you share with me your thoughts about where we are going in this relationship? I'm wondering about this because I feel that you have not been acknowledging me as your loved one as much as I acknowledge you in my life."
 
Old 06-19-2009, 03:59 PM
 
72 posts, read 198,143 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoyogirl View Post
Bang Bang, your instincts are correct. It would seem like he's keeping one foot out of the r/ship. If he was truly committed he would WANT to plaster you all over his page and shout it out to the world. I don't do Facebook, but I've seen msypace pages where the whole page is about the person's boyfriend or girlfriend and how much they love them. It's a little over the top, but if you are truly feeling someone, this is what you would do. I don't think he's as serious about your r/ship as you want him to be. He might see it much more casually than you do, even though it's been a year. If my year long boyfriend was doing this to me, I would be extremely offended.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you asked my opinion and I'm giving it.
Don't be sorry, honest opinions are fine with me. Yes, I know a couple that has a gazillion lovey-dovey pictures of themselves plastered all over their Myspace. I really don't expect every guy to go to that extreme, but I feel like my guy won't even do the bare minimum to acknowledge me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
To me, it's ridiculous to make a big deal out of what goes on in facebook, or any other socializing websites. I suggest that you take your venting off to the REAL issue. Talk to him IN PERSON. And when you do, DO NOT ask him about why he won't add you on facebook. Instead, the better question is this:

"Dear (insert name of boyfriend), it's been a year that we've been together and I'm feeling like you are still not on the same page in our relationship. Could you share with me your thoughts about where we are going in this relationship? I'm wondering about this because I feel that you have not been acknowledging me as your loved one as much as I acknowledge you in my life."
I understand that this is the direct, no-nonsense approach, but I don't want to have a "where is our relationship going?" conversation with him. His actions alone tell me where it's going. I'm willing to give it a bit more time to see if things get better (not regarding Facebook, but just things in general), but I just don't feel that getting into a serious discussion about where we're headed is the way to go.
 
Old 06-19-2009, 04:13 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 1,511,804 times
Reputation: 491
Well, then you find the answer -- that you both are not "on the same page" in this relationship.
 
Old 06-19-2009, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,153 posts, read 10,021,974 times
Reputation: 6334
Quote:
Originally Posted by grneyedmustang View Post
I think this just adds to the "I need to have access to you every single moment of the day" mentality that people have at times.
I had a friend who has a phone that allows her to get on Myspace so every time I sign in I see her whole day - every detail. It'll be "on my way to work"..."grabbing a bite to eat"...."counting the minutes"..."clocking out! yay!"..."stuck in traffic errr."..."home relaxing on the couch"...."waiting for so&so to come over"..."chilling with my man"..."watching House"...."hitting the hay"
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