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I feel sorry for you, your husband and your kids. You're all in a pickle, and all because you wanted a little more excitement -- a little strange nooky. You haven't justified your actions in your post, and you won't be able to justify them to yourself or to anyone else in the years ahead. New stud will become boring soon enough, and then what? You poor girl. I wish you the best.
3 things.... it's not about the sex. I wouldn't take their dad away from them and I never committed adultery.
You are already committing adultery by seeing another man. Beside once a court hears the fact that your "new man" has asked you to live with him, they are going to believe you are already committing adulatory, as I do now. Not about sex? What about being taken on a beach and made love to? Pure rubbish! It's all about sex and feelings like you are a 17 year old maiden again. By having your kids live with strange man you are taking their dad away from them. You are going to force your kids to make a terrible choice by your own doing which will shatter their normal lives and live a man who is a complete stranger to them.
I wasn't necessarily talking about the sex. I was talking about the spontaneousness of it all. The ability to relax and have some fun.
I know I put myself and others in a tough situation. I get that. I know I crossed some lines. I get that. What I am trying to do is figure out what to do. Where to turn. I was trying to see if anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and how they handled it. I need to talk to someone who has been there, done that.
I wasn't necessarily talking about the sex. I was talking about the spontaneousness of it all. The ability to relax and have some fun.
I know I put myself and others in a tough situation. I get that. I know I crossed some lines. I get that. What I am trying to do is figure out what to do. Where to turn. I was trying to see if anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and how they handled it. I need to talk to someone who has been there, done that.
For one thing, some people don't seem to understand that 24/7 excitement is not what marriage is about and it's unsustainable. The hormone rush of a brand new relationship is also unsustainable indefinitely.
It sounds to me as if you're considering moving in with a person you barely know. Not only that, but it looks like you're planning to take your children with you. If it were only you, I'd say... hey, it's your own life to wreck... I've done, it, too... why not you... I'll make a prediction of the outcome of this, should you go ahead with such plans. You'll regret your decision bitterly shortly. There are two options after that: either your husband is nice enough to take you back or you're miserable as well as having a substantially lowered standard of living for a looong time, if not for good.
I wasn't necessarily talking about the sex. I was talking about the spontaneousness of it all. The ability to relax and have some fun.
I know I put myself and others in a tough situation. I get that. I know I crossed some lines. I get that. What I am trying to do is figure out what to do. Where to turn. I was trying to see if anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and how they handled it. I need to talk to someone who has been there, done that.
I count myself fortunate not to be able to consul you on this matter. I love my wife though thick and thin and she the same. The whole idea of our marriage is that we love each other and our children even when the world is turning upside down. You on the other hand decided to be the architect for your own marital ruin. I leave you to your self.
Of course the new guy is going to be more exciting and appealing than your husband. He's new and different from your husband that you've gotten bored with. And the problem I see is that there's a good chance that in ten years time of you becoming bored with your new man. BTW your crush feelings for him are just sexual infatuation, and not true love.
This is the type of thing I need to hear. That feelings are fleeting. I don't need condesending remarks. I want to do what's right. I want to rekindle those feelings with my husband. I want my kids to be happy. Otherwise I would have just bailed. I am not a stupid person. I would not move in with this new guy if it doesn't work at home. The feelings of uneasiness in my marriage was there before this guy entered. It's just the knowing that someone else finds me attractive.... makes me hope and pray that neither my husband or I have settled for what is comfortable, what we know.
Is it a type of mid-life crisis? Is it normal to feel uncontented sometimes? How do you get passed it? How long does it last?
I missed the part that you and new guy haven't had sex yet. You know, he might be worse in the sack than your hubby.
I've never "rekindled" old feelings. I left my first wife after a couple decades of indifference. I didn't want to leave my kids behind (nor take them from their mother), so I lived a sister-brother type of life with my wife -- no sex, no closeness. After 10 years, my current wife and I are getting to that "comfortable" stage in our relationship, but that's not so bad. We can still love each other without registering an earthquake on the Richter scale. I'm not 100% satisfied with the relationship, and I'm sure she isn't either, but we've both been in worse and appreciate what we have. I have known others who turned their relationship around 180 degrees after their kids grew up and moved out, so I know it can be done.
It sounds to me like you had a fairly decent life with your husband until now. I think you need to continue going to counseling, and if your current counselor isn't helping, try another one. If your husband still wants your marriage to work, I think you've got a good shot at it. Please don't blow it on this new guy, not while you're still with your hubby. Cool it with him immediately.
You don't fall in or out of love. Love is a committment you made- a promise to your husband that you'd love him until you died, whether he was sick or in health, boring or exciting. You are choosing another man instead of your husband, and in the process damaging your children as well. All because someone else makes you have butterflies? My advice to you is to quit thinking about yourself and how you want to feel, and honor your committment to your husband.
I think that you need to sit down, and take a time out.
You need to seriously think about your marriage. Although he maybe boring, etc. ......are you still in love with him? Do not put this other guy into those thoughts.... This question is about you, and your husband.
Do you still love him, like a wife should love a husband?
If not, think about this question. What if, you both divorced. How would it make you feel, for him to remarry someone new? Does it bother you at all?
What about the first time your kids come home, and talk about what they did with their step mom today?
If you honestly are over your husband, then let him go, move on, and search for that "thrill" or "excitement" that you are so longing for.
If so, then work on your marriage, get your head out of the clouds, and put your energy, and effort into him~
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