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I am totally going to get blasted for this...... but I need advice from someone who isn't involved in the situation..... so here goes...
I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I can't really complain about my DH, other than to say that he is very content, laid back, not so exciting.... Although content and laid back aren't necessarily bad either. He's a good provider and excellent daddy.
My "problem", if you will, is that we are boring together. He never really wants to go do anything out of the ordinary and when he does, he's VERY conservative. (example: to let loose and make love on the beaches.... no... too messy!) He's absolutely, perfectly content going to work, coming home and watching tv. I love him, I really do.... but it's such a brotherly/friendship type thing that it's driving me insane. I haven't been sexually attracted to him in a long time.
I have never cheated on him, even when an opportunity may have presented itself. There have been men throughout our relationship that I thought were attractive or even felt a little something, but never pursued it.
Enter in a guy.... who is fun. exciting. makes me feel wanted. needed. loved. We have been friends for awhile now and I always thought there was something there, but couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. Plus, I figured it was just my girl mind imagining something and there was no way this guy could feel like that about me. Well..... it turns out that he does feel it. He is ready to bring me and the kids to come live with him, to start something together.
The husband has at least temporarily moved out. I told him that I had a "crush" on someone and needed to work through it. Maybe I shouldn't have told him, but I felt like he deserved the truth. I couldn't stand being dishonest, but now what do I do? I know that it's killing him inside, which is killing me and I hate to hurt people's feelings. I hurt when they hurt. And the "other" guy.... I truly believe his feelings and our feelings about each other are real. I don't want ANYONE to hurt and I don't know which way to turn. The husband and I are in counseling, but it doesn't seem to be taking away any of the confusion or hurt or feeling for the other guy.
What do you talk about in your counseling sessions? Have you and your husband even tried going out on dates or more romantic activities without your kids? It seems to me that you aren't that committed to trying to rekindle the sparks in your marriage if you are open to the attentions of another man.
Of course the new guy is going to be more exciting and appealing than your husband. He's new and different from your husband that you've gotten bored with. And the problem I see is that there's a good chance that in ten years time of you becoming bored with your new man. BTW your crush feelings for him are just sexual infatuation, and not true love.
I am totally going to get blasted for this...... but I need advice from someone who isn't involved in the situation..... so here goes...I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I can't really complain about my DH, other than to say that he is very content, laid back, not so exciting.... Although content and laid back aren't necessarily bad either. He's a good provider and excellent daddy.
My "problem", if you will, is that we are boring together. He never really wants to go do anything out of the ordinary and when he does, he's VERY conservative. (example: to let loose and make love on the beaches.... no... too messy!) He's absolutely, perfectly content going to work, coming home and watching tv. I love him, I really do.... but it's such a brotherly/friendship type thing that it's driving me insane. I haven't been sexually attracted to him in a long time.I have never cheated on him, even when an opportunity may have presented itself. There have been men throughout our relationship that I thought were attractive or even felt a little something, but never pursued it.Enter in a guy.... who is fun. exciting. makes me feel wanted. needed. loved. We have been friends for awhile now and I always thought there was something there, but couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. Plus, I figured it was just my girl mind imagining something and there was no way this guy could feel like that about me. Well..... it turns out that he does feel it. He is ready to bring me and the kids to come live with him, to start something together.
The husband has at least temporarily moved out. I told him that I had a "crush" on someone and needed to work through it. Maybe I shouldn't have told him, but I felt like he deserved the truth. I couldn't stand being dishonest, but now what do I do? I know that it's killing him inside, which is killing me and I hate to hurt people's feelings. I hurt when they hurt. And the "other" guy.... I truly believe his feelings and our feelings about each other are real. I don't want ANYONE to hurt and I don't know which way to turn. The husband and I are in counseling, but it doesn't seem to be taking away any of the confusion or hurt or feeling for the other guy.
OK... now.. ready? aim... fire away :-)
You certainly were brave to come on here and air all of this out. I do have to ask you why you didn't talk to your husband about all this long before it got to the point where you went and found yourself attracted to someone else? Don't you think that the missing piece to this puzzle is the fact that there seems to be a timespan between when you felt neglected and bored with your husband and when you actually met someone? That little piece of time should have been filled with you and your husband getting counseling or talking this out.
Good husbands and good Dads are a real treasure, believe me. My first husband and Father to my son is a true nit wit in every sense of the word. He has little or no contact with my son, never did. He cheated, drank, did drugs and sold drugs. He didn't cheat just one time, he cheated all the freakin time. Exciting in bed...sure was...he had lots of practice. Adventuresome..liked to make love in the woods but there again, he was probably hiding in the woods making love to all his side chicks and got lots of practice there as well. I too had lots of offers from his friends to go away with them, leave my husband...blah, blah, blah but I didn't. I felt that two wrongs never made a right...but you don't have this. You have a husband who is willing to be a great Dad and good provider and what you are complaining about can be worked through.
Be careful of this new guy. Sometimes it is easier for guys to see and feel the vulnerability of another woman and he may see it in you. You may have been projecting your frustration with your husband, your boredom and he picked up on it. I am sure you are flattered that he has fallen for you and has paid all this attention to you but how would you know for sure that this too wouldn't be a rebound relationship for you? You are not giving yourself enough time to BREATHE between your husband and a new guy and I think you need that time to see if this marriage can work.
Again, I think you waited way too long to let your husband know how you were feeling and also think that you have to be certain that this new guy is not a rebound, friend or not.
Good Luck with whatever you decide just be sure that you are thinking beyond the physical part of a relationship because there sure as heck is more to it than just that.
I am totally going to get blasted for this...... but I need advice from someone who isn't involved in the situation..... so here goes...
I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I can't really complain about my DH, other than to say that he is very content, laid back, not so exciting.... Although content and laid back aren't necessarily bad either. He's a good provider and excellent daddy.
My "problem", if you will, is that we are boring together. He never really wants to go do anything out of the ordinary and when he does, he's VERY conservative. (example: to let loose and make love on the beaches.... no... too messy!) He's absolutely, perfectly content going to work, coming home and watching tv. I love him, I really do.... but it's such a brotherly/friendship type thing that it's driving me insane. I haven't been sexually attracted to him in a long time.
I have never cheated on him, even when an opportunity may have presented itself. There have been men throughout our relationship that I thought were attractive or even felt a little something, but never pursued it.
Enter in a guy.... who is fun. exciting. makes me feel wanted. needed. loved. We have been friends for awhile now and I always thought there was something there, but couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. Plus, I figured it was just my girl mind imagining something and there was no way this guy could feel like that about me. Well..... it turns out that he does feel it. He is ready to bring me and the kids to come live with him, to start something together.
The husband has at least temporarily moved out. I told him that I had a "crush" on someone and needed to work through it. Maybe I shouldn't have told him, but I felt like he deserved the truth. I couldn't stand being dishonest, but now what do I do? I know that it's killing him inside, which is killing me and I hate to hurt people's feelings. I hurt when they hurt. And the "other" guy.... I truly believe his feelings and our feelings about each other are real. I don't want ANYONE to hurt and I don't know which way to turn. The husband and I are in counseling, but it doesn't seem to be taking away any of the confusion or hurt or feeling for the other guy.
OK... now.. ready? aim... fire away :-)
Why do the wrong people get married? You must have know that couples do change after years of marriage and the light you once had does not burn as it once did. Well I think it's over any way. You probably broke his heart when you told him you loved another man. No wonder he is not living at home! He probably can’t stand the sight of you! I find it funny that you say you are trying to avoid hurting anyone when your children are going to hate you when you take them away from their dad because you wanted more sex in your life. How do you know your kids want to come with you? Your husband already has grounds for divorce on account of your adultery and might very well have the power to keep his children. What ever happens I feel for your husband. He did not deserve the hardship and pain you are making him suffer. If you ask me your soon to be ex-husband is not the one who changed. I bet he is the same decent man he has always been. You are the one who got it wrong in the beginning of your relationship.
I had this situation except I am more like your husband, and my guy is more like you. In my situation he needed to grow up and live life (he was pretty inexperienced when we first got together). He wound up leaving, and I didn't fight that. Then he tried to come running back 4 months later.
With this type of situation, someone is going to get hurt. There's no way around it. He is unlikely to change, so if you're that unhappy then sometimes it's kinder to just cut the person loose so everyone can get on with their lives.
I had this situation except I am more like your husband, and my guy is more like you. In my situation he needed to grow up and live life (he was pretty inexperienced when we first got together). He wound up leaving, and I didn't fight that. Then he tried to come running back 4 months later.
With this type of situation, someone is going to get hurt. There's no way around it. He is unlikely to change, so if you're that unhappy then sometimes it's kinder to just cut the person loose so everyone can get on with their lives.
I take it you did not let him back in your life? As the old saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.
Why do the wrong people get married? You must have know that couples do change after years of marriage and the light you once had does not burn as it once did. Well I think it's over any way. You probably broke his heart when you told him you loved another man. No wonder he is not living at home! He probably can’t stand the sight of you! I find it funny that you say you are trying to avoid hurting anyone when your children are going to hate you when you take them away from their dad because you wanted more sex in your life. How do you know your kids want to come with you? Your husband already has grounds for divorce on account of your adultery and might very well have the power to keep his children. What ever happens I feel for your husband. He did not deserve the hardship and pain you are making him suffer. If you ask me your soon to be ex-husband is not the one who changed. I bet he is the same decent man he has always been. You are the one who got it wrong in the beginning of your relationship.
3 things.... it's not about the sex. I wouldn't take their dad away from them and I never committed adultery.
I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I can't really complain about my DH, other than to say that he is very content, laid back, not so exciting.... Although content and laid back aren't necessarily bad either. He's a good provider and excellent daddy.
Enter in a guy.... who is fun. exciting. makes me feel wanted. needed. loved. We have been friends for awhile now and I always thought there was something there, but couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. Plus, I figured it was just my girl mind imagining something and there was no way this guy could feel like that about me. Well..... it turns out that he does feel it. He is ready to bring me and the kids to come live with him, to start something together.
I'm not really blasting you, but I'd like to point out that 10-11 years ago when you first met and started dating your husband, you probably had intese crush feelings for him... or at least some sort of love feelings for him, or else you wouldn't have married him.
Then along came the two babies, and with all the care-giving and attention they needed, so the romance in your marriage started getting lost. And raising kids isn't cheap, so your husband got even less exciting to you as he became a hard working man providing for his family. And having the two kids also took his attention away from you. So I see you competing with your kids for your husband's attention. And that's being selfish on your part, when you should be putting your kids best interests first, not yours.
So this new man in your life, he gets to miss all those diaper changings and midnight feedings. Your two kids are of the age where they can be entrusted to a babysitter when you go out on a date. And your new man is not put off by the presence of your kids because he can count on your husband to provide child support for them should you get a divorce. He's really taking advantage of your husband being a good decent man and provider. You both are really taking advantage of your husband being a good man. Shame on you both.
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